Dissociative abuse is ruining my life.

[FlawedByDesign]

It started as as a teenager. I would steal at least 3 bottles of dxm at least 3 days a week for 3years. I was an amazing thief. Cvs had to charge more for robitussin because it was all disappearing. I don't know why I made this thread, but my mxe abuse is ruining my life. /sorry about the rant

 

[Allein]

Hi O ROX,

I'm really sorry to hear your in a bad way with MXE, I'm from the UK and can remember when Ketamine starting appearing in the early 90's. Whilst many became wary because they didn't understand or necessarily expect to K-Hole that occurs if you take enough ( and that may not be much in a new user) no one thought it had any addiction potential.

These drugs (MXE is new but works much like the others) have and are used in medicine quite safely and with very few problems but it has emerged that that do have quite a potential to cause dependence in some people. In the UK Ketamine use has caused some people big problems, on top of the dependence and mess it makes of you if used heavily on a daily basis because users snort the drug and some enters their stomach bladder problems are common and in some cases surgery has been required, so I have no doubt hpw strong the addiction potential is for these drugs.

I've used Ketamine and MXE but I didn't feel much compulsion to use, the propensity to use abusively does seem a little selective devastating one the less.

I'm sure at the moment there seems no way out, but there is and you can be free of this unwanted and destructive drug use.

Have you approached any services for assistance with this, you don't mention you location (and you don't have to) I would strongly recommend you seek some professional support, I'd be glad to try and find some links for you if you want to PM me or you may be able to find something yourself.

The positive thing is even with your post here you have recognised you have a problem and are seeking help, you can change this situation but there is no shame in seeking a nit of a helping hand

 

[FlawedByDesign]

Thank you for your support. Usually I would delete posts I make under the influence but I suppose I should leave this as a reminder of the changes I need to make. I started this thread after being shown some extremely embarrasing recordings of me blacked out on mxe(a nightly occurence).

 

[Opikit]

Wow. Let me start by wishing you all the best and safe travels into the other dimensions!

I personally hate the stuff, ket too. It really is a hardcore drug and the times i've taken either has felt like such a dirty experience although im not saying that it is. I am a heroin addict. I'm 21 and have been habitually using since 16. My life is ruined, i can't wear t's due to extensive track marks. I can't see a way out.

I was on methadone maintance for 1 year and it was sort of a success, but my mum died a year ago this month and it destroyed me and i was chucked off my script. She also used although it wasn't heroin related when she died. We both IV'd mephedrone extensivly as fucked up as that seems, and she died from endocarditus. I solely blame the mephedrone. She had no veins what so ever and would prod her legs for hours trying to get a hit. Both groins dead too. So i think the mephedrone dried up her blood or some shit.

I have no idea why im venting this out, it's the first i've done so.
Hope your okay mate, we can both make it out! I was attempting Cold turkey today but failed and sold my bed for a score bag(£20, lol :'(. )

Im a degenerate fuck and if i had a gun i'd blow my brains out, but coming from scotland that's not an option so here i am. Scoring, rattling and heavily depressed.

 

[Vaya]

Oh ROXIanne!,

Let me begin with this: I feel you.

My life was recently blown off course as a direct result if MXE abuse for the fourth major time in four years.
And when I say 'blown,' I mean blown, my friend.

I think you've made quite the important leap - acknowledging that there is a grand issue, identifying one of the root causes, and qualifying yourself with a bit of history of your relationship with dissociative drugs.

Do you have an idea of what dissociative drug abuse means for your current life, and/or what you might have the intention of doing about it?

This community is a pearl of a resource; I'd be glad to offer my assistance in any way that may help you out.

Until then,
Be well.

~ Vaya

 

[FlawedByDesign]

Oh ROXIanne!

Do you have an idea of what dissociative drug abuse means for your current life, and/or what you might have the intention of doing about it?


Until then,
Be well.

~ Vaya

Wow, you guys are awesome. I guess dissociatives have always had an iron grip on my life, they are the perfect drug for me. I love psychdelics and opiates and dissos' are acid and heroin in one. I lived 3 years of my life on dxm in highschool. I would have 3rd plateu trips 3 days out of the week. Even though everyone knew I still some how made it through, I some how passed trig finals as well as won a fist fight with a football player that started because I threw up robutussin in his lap, both while on 600mgs of gel caps.8(I liked everything about ketamine except its durartion. This is where mxe comes in. I have about two grams left and if all goes well it will be the last two grams I ever see.

 

[Allein]

First I'd really try to let go of my embarrassment about how you may have appeared under the influence, self loathing is a very dangerous place to go, it will only lead to unhappiness, I look pretty stupid when I'm sleeping, com to think of it I',m not a lot better when I'm awake:D

In the UK when Ketamine starting showing it's full colours people started referring to it as Techno Smack, it drove a wave across the underground Free Party scene and took a few of my friends where you are now.

I'm not sure how much MXE you're taking but 2g is a fair quantity, I'm quite sensitive to these drugs and had no tolerance but 30mgs was fine for me and as you say the duration is many hours most unlike Ketamine.

I only ask because TBH saying this 2g is the last doesn't feel like a plan with a reasonable chance of success ....are you really going to stop in X weeks ?? you even mentioned that usually you would just delete these type of posts

Seeking some real life counselling might help you solidify these plans or if you can't manage that do you have a friend that doesn't use these drugs that you could talk to. This feels like it could be time to take some positive action and build on what may have just been a chance post here.

All the best of luck and don't hesitate to post further PM me anytime if there's anything I can do

 

[Vaya]

"Dissociatives are [psychedelics] and heroin in one."

Wow, you're the only other person to describe dissociative drugs this way that I've seen! That was always a part of their allure for me, for sure.

For me, the last 2g of MXE I gad, I couldn't even finish - as a result of IV MXE abuse I arrived in rehab still under the influence. Little did I know that that would be the last time I'd ever see home again.

The repercussions were a godblessing in disguise, though. I knew - quite a bit before I was forced to give it up - that I had a strange and wholly antisocial habit. The more often I used, the more the dissociative spectrum bled into my own sober reality. In effect, I had unwittingly landed myself in a precarious position whereby my own perception of reality was tainted with smears of unreality, and I could not even trust my own judgement.

If you plan on finishing those two grams, God's speed to you; if I were you, however, I might give some serious consideration to disposing of that stuff before you get a chance to use it. Your mind needs a substantial amount of time to teal. Without the healing process being allowed to take place, you can expect to continue to life in a world perpetuated by depersonalization and emotional lability - two states of mind I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy, and least of all upon a fellow Bluelighter.

Love&Light...

~ Vaya

 

[FlawedByDesign]

Two grams isn't a lot condsidering my tolerance, I take ~ 200-300mgs every night. I feel like I would be more likely to order more if I dumped it. Its really started to effect my work. A big part of my job is counting money, several thousand dollars everyday, which can be hard to do when hung over from mxe. To top things off my boss just got fired today as well as another manager, so I am being asked to step up. Crazy dayz8(. I know I've said this once but you guys are fucking awesome.

 

[FlawedByDesign]

I do however have a gram of 3-MeO-PCP that I should probably dump.

 

[Allein]

"Dissociatives are [psychedelics] and heroin in one."

Wow, you're the only other person to describe dissociative drugs this way that I've seen! That was always a part of their allure for me, for sure.

I saw a free party scene utterly disimated by that stuff, no one realised the problems that lay ahead. Patties went from crowds of people charged with energy and dancing together, creating an environment of total oneness and deep connection to loads of people laying around not knowing who they were, where they were or what they were, and holing and getting all their possessions stolen by low life.

Two grams isn't a lot condsidering my tolerance, I take ~ 200-300mgs every night. I feel like I would be more likely to order more if I dumped it. Its really started to effect my work. A big part of my job is counting money, several thousand dollars everyday, which can be hard to do when hung over from mxe. To top things off my boss just got fired today as well as another manager, so I am being asked to step up. Crazy dayz8(. I know I've said this once but you guys are fucking awesome.

I do however have a gram of 3-MeO-PCP that I should probably dump.

I guess that's not such a large amount then, I've never had any tolerance for such drugs, The sink oi calling for that PCP. make the change, all the people I know that got badly into Ketamine said they felt so much better after stopping and none I know went back.

These drugs are fine on moderation, in fact it seems there may be a number of new medical applications beyond those known now but daily use is just bad news, as you are finding out. From what I've seen being on these drugs all the time isnt living, My advice would be to stop and make plans to do positive things.

I wasn't tryng to give you a hard time but some kind of plan about what you are going to fill your life with after stopping taking these drugs is really important. Simple stuff, commit to take a walk everyday, maybe start up an old hobby, I learnt this technique as part of a CBT course and it's proved very much worth while.

 

[Vaya]

I do however have a gram of 3-MeO-PCP that I should probably dump.

Dude, yes. My addiction to MXE ran concurrent to my addiction to 3-MeO-PCP, and often I would combine the two. At extremely low dosages, 3-MeO is going to do nothing for you but sabotage your attempt to free yourself from the grip of dissociative anesthesia. Please listen to your heart. Please. Having this around is extremely dangerous for you.

The main thing here, though, is the concept that you'll be able to distance yourself from these drugs only if you really want it. Think about that for a moment. You've got to want to improve your quality of life; you've got to want to rid yourself of these incapacitating substances. Right now, it's necessarily all about you. And, thus, it's time to take the initiative and decide for yourself the plotted direction of your future. Again, take time to marinate on the weight of that decision; it sounds a little as though a part of you remains unsure...

~ Vaya

 

[jesse1988]

It started as as a teenager. I would steal at least 3 bottles of dxm at least 3 days a week for 3years. I was an amazing thief. Cvs had to charge more for robitussin because it was all disappearing. I don't know why I made this thread, but my mxe abuse is ruining my life. /sorry about the rant

All of this has happened before, all of this will happen again....
omg, I am not sure are you thinking what I am thinking, so...how about this:
Spins and turns, angles and curves. The shape of dreams, half remembered. A close system lack of the ability to renew itself. All of this has happened before, all of this will happen again.

if you don't know what I am talk about,
it's fine, just ignore me.
if you do know what I am talking about, then I want you to know these words, I keep hearing it over and over in the past 5 years, I am also having trouble with opiates, for almost 10 years. every day after my good night fix, I just can't shake this words off my head, I keep telling myself this is just going to happen again and again, and again. And I am not able to stop it.

But I want you to know, I already lost everything I ever care about, but this follow idea has been successfully keep me from "acute self distraction" :

Let a close system run on itself long enough, eventually something extraordinary would happen.
So maybe we are not able to end the cycle, but I am sure, things are going to change, one day, one way or another.

 

[FlawedByDesign]

Let a close system run on itself long enough, eventually something extraordinary would happen.
So maybe we are not able to end the cycle, but I am sure, things are going to change, one day, one way or another.

Those last two lines are beautiful. The last 500mgs got dumped by the significant other, so that's good I guess. I've done a bit of the 3-MeO the last two nights but I think it is going to be destroyed tomorrow.