two things i wrote in the past day - not a terribly good writer but thought i would post a couple things in here as i have not done so before...
disappointment
- - -
i wondered out early this afternoon and ended up just driving around listening to music. i went down evans ave and turned on university just passing the time. i went down farther than i had before, listening to the soothing sounds of bill ricchini. i ended up on E-470 and went down to wadworth where i headed north. i went up to hampden and headed back west to where i lived before stopping by the local wal-mart ot refresh on candy and a italian submarine sandwich. when i got back to my friends place he was already outside and asked me if i was ready to go. i looked at him quizzically and he said that we were headed to the denver nuggets game. the last game for jordan here. we undertook the journey without tickets - hoping to scalp some when we got there. before we got there we decided to pick up some beer at a grocery store since we had some time before the game.
we pulled into the lot and attempted to get some tickets. too bad that all we heard were outrageous prices ranging from 50 to 150 per ticket. after some thought we decided to head back to the car - his antique mustang - and listen to the game a little and then head to a bar after that. well we commenced to start downing beers and talking. which i am starting to think is a bad idea with my friend dobbs. i can't remember what brought it up but i started talking about love. we had been having disagreements on the nature of life before this and i was finally glad that i had been speaking up on things that i normally did not talk to him about due to his somewhat forceful personality. well i laid out the evolutionary reasons for why i thought love came into existence. all of the sudden my friend screamed and just lost it.
"damnit! you don't believe in love!" as we slammed the door and left. i heard him tell me that "i thought that we were going to be in heaven together man." and he turned and walked throught the parking lot with me still in the car. i think he was referring to my belief, only recently made known to him , that i don't have an inherent belief in god.
i sat there for a few seconds, grabbed my stuff and got out the car and started walking in the other direction. it was cold and i had only a blank white t-shirt on and my puma sweatpants. i walked around for awhile smoking a cigarette on the desolate downtown streets on denver. hell - even my best friend doesn't understand me. it's not that i was saying that i don't believe in the ideals of love - just offering an explanation for how it started. it was weird. i didn't know if i would even be getting a ride back. i thought about calling cora - i mean hell she is the only other person i know in this town. anyways i walk into a bar - use the bathroom and walk back toward the stadium.
i see my friend and as i walk toward him i see he notices me and then he turns to talk to a group of people and says something to them. then they all turn and look at me. i catch something that my friend says - something to the effect that i am still learning or something like that. so we walked in i bought us a couple of white russians and he acted like nothing had happened. when we finally leave my friend walks around a guy and tells him "peace and love". the guys repsonse is a nasty "fuck you". we laugh at it and when we walk across the street the guy we saw zooms around the corner and almost hits my friend and yells out the window "asshole". we laugh it off but then my friend turns to me and says
"He probably doesn't believe in love either."
It's kinda fucked up. I don't really think that my friend is influencing me very positvely lately. it's seems that he is trying to get me to view life in the same way that he does. which can be very irritating at times. i almost seem like i want to move to new york. becca has already been trying to convince me to buckle down and get a good job there and be her roommate. it would be very cool, but i just don't know whether i want to give up on denver just yet. i still got some money and think that it would be really fun here with my own place. i guess i will see what happens.....
- - -
faded memory
I'm really not sure if others fail to perceive me or if, one fraction of a second after my face interferes with their horizon, a millionth of a second after they have cast their gaze on me, they already begin to work me from their memory: forgotten before arriving at the scant, sad archangel of remembrace.
A girl talks on a cell phone,
"Yes, actually that's true. We were there on Tuesday."
She sits over a couple of large books - bursting at the seams with multicolored tabs that signify passages worth remembering. She dutifully goes over the big red book with her thick blue highlighter and what appears to be one of those pens with multiple colors of ink that you change by clicking the top. She is stylish - her tight black shirt stops just before her blue jeans, hung on her hips with the aid of a belt made of interlaced pieces of silver metal. The green highliter suddenly makes an appearance, lifted from her backpack by skinny, dilligent fingers. I still have not seen her face. My vantage point does not allow me this. Would moving to the other side of her give away my intentions? I do wonder if I have been the subject of a study such as this. Someone wondering about the boy in the yellow shirt who sits writing intently with his coffee as his wingman. A woman sits between us suddenly, but not before I discern a slight sideways glance from the girl. She has seen me.
disappointment
- - -
i wondered out early this afternoon and ended up just driving around listening to music. i went down evans ave and turned on university just passing the time. i went down farther than i had before, listening to the soothing sounds of bill ricchini. i ended up on E-470 and went down to wadworth where i headed north. i went up to hampden and headed back west to where i lived before stopping by the local wal-mart ot refresh on candy and a italian submarine sandwich. when i got back to my friends place he was already outside and asked me if i was ready to go. i looked at him quizzically and he said that we were headed to the denver nuggets game. the last game for jordan here. we undertook the journey without tickets - hoping to scalp some when we got there. before we got there we decided to pick up some beer at a grocery store since we had some time before the game.
we pulled into the lot and attempted to get some tickets. too bad that all we heard were outrageous prices ranging from 50 to 150 per ticket. after some thought we decided to head back to the car - his antique mustang - and listen to the game a little and then head to a bar after that. well we commenced to start downing beers and talking. which i am starting to think is a bad idea with my friend dobbs. i can't remember what brought it up but i started talking about love. we had been having disagreements on the nature of life before this and i was finally glad that i had been speaking up on things that i normally did not talk to him about due to his somewhat forceful personality. well i laid out the evolutionary reasons for why i thought love came into existence. all of the sudden my friend screamed and just lost it.
"damnit! you don't believe in love!" as we slammed the door and left. i heard him tell me that "i thought that we were going to be in heaven together man." and he turned and walked throught the parking lot with me still in the car. i think he was referring to my belief, only recently made known to him , that i don't have an inherent belief in god.
i sat there for a few seconds, grabbed my stuff and got out the car and started walking in the other direction. it was cold and i had only a blank white t-shirt on and my puma sweatpants. i walked around for awhile smoking a cigarette on the desolate downtown streets on denver. hell - even my best friend doesn't understand me. it's not that i was saying that i don't believe in the ideals of love - just offering an explanation for how it started. it was weird. i didn't know if i would even be getting a ride back. i thought about calling cora - i mean hell she is the only other person i know in this town. anyways i walk into a bar - use the bathroom and walk back toward the stadium.
i see my friend and as i walk toward him i see he notices me and then he turns to talk to a group of people and says something to them. then they all turn and look at me. i catch something that my friend says - something to the effect that i am still learning or something like that. so we walked in i bought us a couple of white russians and he acted like nothing had happened. when we finally leave my friend walks around a guy and tells him "peace and love". the guys repsonse is a nasty "fuck you". we laugh at it and when we walk across the street the guy we saw zooms around the corner and almost hits my friend and yells out the window "asshole". we laugh it off but then my friend turns to me and says
"He probably doesn't believe in love either."
It's kinda fucked up. I don't really think that my friend is influencing me very positvely lately. it's seems that he is trying to get me to view life in the same way that he does. which can be very irritating at times. i almost seem like i want to move to new york. becca has already been trying to convince me to buckle down and get a good job there and be her roommate. it would be very cool, but i just don't know whether i want to give up on denver just yet. i still got some money and think that it would be really fun here with my own place. i guess i will see what happens.....
- - -
faded memory
I'm really not sure if others fail to perceive me or if, one fraction of a second after my face interferes with their horizon, a millionth of a second after they have cast their gaze on me, they already begin to work me from their memory: forgotten before arriving at the scant, sad archangel of remembrace.
A girl talks on a cell phone,
"Yes, actually that's true. We were there on Tuesday."
She sits over a couple of large books - bursting at the seams with multicolored tabs that signify passages worth remembering. She dutifully goes over the big red book with her thick blue highlighter and what appears to be one of those pens with multiple colors of ink that you change by clicking the top. She is stylish - her tight black shirt stops just before her blue jeans, hung on her hips with the aid of a belt made of interlaced pieces of silver metal. The green highliter suddenly makes an appearance, lifted from her backpack by skinny, dilligent fingers. I still have not seen her face. My vantage point does not allow me this. Would moving to the other side of her give away my intentions? I do wonder if I have been the subject of a study such as this. Someone wondering about the boy in the yellow shirt who sits writing intently with his coffee as his wingman. A woman sits between us suddenly, but not before I discern a slight sideways glance from the girl. She has seen me.
