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Dillema of heroin and parents

J

jake99

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hey its been awhile since ive posted. as an update im still trying to get clean. N.a. people are telling me go to rehab but i have to much to lose. they say this is an exscuse but its not. i told my dad i have a benzo problem (which i do as well) and he was exxtremely pissed, now if he knew i was messin with dope again , since ive been to prison twice , rehab 4 times , and im living off a trust fund he is in charge of, i probably would end up going to rehab get out , have nowhere to live , not finish classes im in , not have my job, and be cut off from my family for a VERY long time..............so my only plan is to taper with the 10 Suboxones i have a script of Klonopin i get every month (instead of buying extra zannies)
anyone relate ? sucks because when im clean my depression is so bad i cant take it and this always why i resort back to opiates and benzos. theyre the only happinneess i have
 
i hear you man. when i was addicted to heroin i was in a situation where i could not go to rehab and ended up getting clean on my own. i detoxed with suboxone but it really sucked.. the suboxone dragged the withdrawal out for over a month and it was really bad. and i wasnt addicted to benzos on top of it. so i definitely sympathize cause thats a tough situation to be in.

and yes the depression is undoubtedly the worst part.. the physical shit i could handle but that awful soul crushing depression you're left with in the wake of withdrawal is what always sent me right back to dope.

i dont know though, for me it just got to a point where the suckiness of being addicted to heroin outweighed the suckiness of getting clean so i finally ended up just biting the bullet and going for it. it took a long time for things to get back on track after that and things still arent perfect but it was definitely worth it.
 
^ actually its not a simple choice at all and anyone who says it is doesn't know what they're talking about. getting high is not easier, its actually much more difficult to remain dependent on a substance. it may be easier to rationalize getting high today but in the long run its much harder to stay an addict. so get a clue dude, youre just like every other condescending AA/NA asshole who thinks they have it all figured out. that tough guy bullshit helps no one but your own ego.

and rehab is not the end-all-be-all of recovery. most addicts that get clean do it outside of rehab. you can have all the "help" in the world and it still wont be enough unless youre ready to help yourself.
 
I'm on my 6th day with no DOPE! Not to dick size.. but I was shooting A LOT. More than I've ever done before.. and I've been mostly snorting (sometimes shooting) for almost 6 years now...

I'm also 4 days without any subs. You have 10 subs, I only had 1.5 when I first decided to get clean. If I can come off the monster habit without blowing my brains out.. so can you. I know you have a benzo habit too... which can complicate things. I've never had a benzo or alcohol habit so I don't know what that's like... but I know it's hard to detox without benzos... I didn't have any benzos this time around.. except for like 0.5mg xanax... not much at all really.

Anyway, I'd say attack one addiction at a time... probably kick the dope first.. use benzos to help alleviate symptoms. After 2 weeks or whenever you feel ready, start tapering the benzos.
 
I can relate. I lost a small business I had started growing because I had to go to rehab. In reality though I would have lost the business anyway. I ended up losing my business which supported my heroin habit and my house, kids, and wife, and got bankrupted to top it off.

It's theoretically possible to do it yourself with the subs you have. That's more than enough. More than what they give you in rehab although I highly recommend against against it. I tried that so many times and always at the last moment you say to yourself "I just need to take a quick break from this hell and then I'll resume the withdrawal" but you take the break, then you brain changes its mind. The question is do you have the willpower to follow through and not go right back out? If you honestly wanna get clean your chances are about 1 in 100. I been through what you been through several times. It never gets better with that stuff, always worse.

Do you have kids or a wife or a really good job you're trying to preserve? Do you have a business you're running or an important reputation to uphold? If not I think you should do rehab honestly but it's your call. It's never going to get any better out there, you know it. I had to get clean in rehab otherwise I would not have made it.

Good luck
 
Id go to rehab but when i got out id have no family left, no car , no money , no job , no school , and nowhere to live................Yes sounds like exscuses and you can say ill lose them anyway , but isnt it willing to take the chance of trying on my own with Subs instead of saying F it, and losing familys respect even more by them finding out and cutting off all my trust fund money , then my roommate not leetting me come back ,then my car being gone, dropping out of classes when im close to an associates degree , losing a job i just started etc etc....................................................
 
you've been trying on your own to quit for like a year now and all you've managed to do is add a benzo habit on top of your heroin habit.

you've made a post talking about getting off heroin with subs like seriously a dozen times that I can remember, at first I thought you could accomplish it but I think you are one of the people who simply needs additional help to quit.

if you want to hide it from your parents good luck, but the fact that your addiction has only progressed since you've been posting, I think a more likely scenario is you getting busted for something dope related and going back to prison, how are you going to hide it from your parents then?

if i was you, I would cut my losses and tell my parents and try to get some help before it is too late

best of luck.
 
Well in all liklihood not to be a pessimist here but I only really see one thing happening.

The 10 subs will either not be enough, or hes going to realize how long it actually takes to taper off sub, and the wds are most likely going to get to him either way. I'm dropping **.05mg** of sub every 5 days now, and everytime I drop, even that small of an amount, I'm in pretty bad shape (although I'm only on .20mg now). But I just don't see 10 subs getting you to the end of a taper. You're going to have to taper too fast, and it can easily break you.

And thats honestly what I see happening. He doesn't have the money to be using dope, he doesn't have the money to be using sub, so that essentially means at some point soon he's going to run out of opiates. I think now the concept of tapering is becoming more real to him, but I still think he's missing a large part of how tapering works. Much like so many people think 1 or 2 - 8mg subs are actually gonna help get them off dope. I'm sorry but if you get off dope that way the subs didn't help you, you helped yourself.

Its possible he catches a charge, if he keeps copping, but I'm getting the impression that his funds are running too low for that to happen. I do think at some point soon though Jake that you're gonna realize you need more help than you alone have to offer. I don't think you want to stay on drugs, but I think they've managed to weaken you into a state where you simply can't pull yourself out of the habit.
You can try acquiring some strong detox meds and just jump off the subs now, imho opinion that would prob be easier on you than getting involved with a neverending taper... with 10 subs no less.

And don't forget bro if you need help you got my number.
 
Why dont u answer when i call ?
i think you are all wrong and i can taper with the subs
 
Well if you think so then do it. Don't listen to what people on the internet that you don't even know tell you if you know better. Not to put anyone here down, I am just trying to lift him up. I don't necessarily agree or disagree completely. I don't know the OP well enough to say. And I have to agree with what someone said earlier. Rehab is not the ONLY way to get clean. Yes it works for many but not everyone is the same. People are drastically different with different lives so how could there be only 1 way to get clean? I wish you the best of luck. Please try to prove everyone wrong and come back and tell us how kickass you are doing.
 
Jake...you've posted over 100 threads about you trying to quit with suboxone. It is obviously NOT working for you. Go to rehab or keep using and eventually lose all those things in your life anyway...
 
sorry Jake.

like everyone else, I've read 100 threads about you trying to taper with sub. i remember when you popped your first xanax and accidentally shoplifted your groceries and then created 3 threads about that. now you have a benzo habit?? it's almost like you wanted a benzo habit so you could create a thread about it. and ummmm... why tell your dad about it?

nothing wrong with this, but you seem to be crying out for attention.

everyone was lifting you up in the beginning, you are such a confused kid. but honestly, you would have been better off maintaining a dope habit then throwing benzos and subs on top of the dope. drug cocktails lead to toe tags.

if you like writing threads so much,:p you'll love rehab. i don't know why you're fighting against it. from what little you have wrote about your family, they would not abandon you if you went... you are confused. take your trust fund and go to the best rehab there is. many addicts don't have that luxury. life is more interesting than stupid addiction, so get past this. good luck.

grrr... why do trust fund kids always do such terribly boring things with the money.?? you could be traveling the world, financing independent films, going to the best school and studying art!! grrr...
 
jake99 said:
whatever i dont know
Click to expand...

Then why not listen to people who do know? Your method is obviously not working or you wouldn't be back here posting the same story every single time. If it didn't work the past 100 times, what makes you think this time is any different? You have shown you can't quit on your own, so go to rehab. What's better, going on your own free will, or getting arrested and your family finding out that way and losing everything else? :\
 
jake99 said:
Why dont u answer when i call ?
i think you are all wrong and i can taper with the subs
Click to expand...

Ok if you "CAN" taper with subs, and we are all wrong, then what did you do today? Have you even started tapering yet?
I just want you to realize back when you had 60 subs left, before vacation, you said the SAME exact thing... but now you have 10 left, and I'm pretty curious what dose you're even taking now.


As far as why I don't answer when you call, you know I like you, I've always thought you were a cool ass person, but its more a survival mechanism for my own health. I also thought you needed help getting off opiates, I now just think you like talking about getting off opiates. I need to surround myself with people who are either recovering or have an *active desire to do so. You sound exactly as confused as you did months ago. And to be honest 90% of our phone conversations have been an exact replica of your threads here.

You would get tired of it too if I did it to you, so please don't take it personal.

Our last conversation I threw out about 10 possible ideas you could do, and you talked yourself out of every single one. Do you think thats not frustrating for me or something? Imagine if I called you for help once or twice a week, and EVERY SINGLE IDEA you thought of I responded "oh no that won't work because ... blah blah blah". You're not a g/damn psychic bro, and you suffer from one of the most severe forms of "scarcity thinking" I've ever seen. You never even TRY to make things work in your head. Its like a kneejerk reaction "it won't work it can't work its not gonna work" etc etc

If you simply CAN NOT tell your family you're going to rehab, and you can't taper because you've talked that topic to death w/out ever really trying, then I suggest the same exact thing I suggested over the phone.

GET DETOX MEDS. I will help you. Its not going to cost a lot and all you really need is 2-3 weeks worth of meds. I'm telling you straight up the only real decision I think you can make is that. Stop the sub completely, and I guarantee if you have the right meds you'll get through it pretty quick and it WON'T be bad. Those meds can help you even if you DON'T cold turkey, because obviously they will help a ton for a taper. But if you're gonna get them you might as well just forget the taper imo. I think the taper would wind up causing you more pain than less.
I think tapering opiates just creates too much mental shit for you. You're naturally a hypersensitive person, you have depressive/anxious tendencies and you suffer from OCD. I think thats why you haven't succeeding yet at tapering. I really think if you just try cold turkey with an arsenal of meds you'll be fine. I'm telling you bro when I detoxed last time it was a joke, and I had a pretty nasty habit. There are other meds out there besides opiates that will slaughter a major deal of your wds, and when you take them away you won't have to worry about any delayed wds.

Just look at it logically. If you REALLY can't go to rehab, and you've been talking about tapering for months but STILL haven't done it, what other choices are you really left with? I'm trying to help you out, just fucking drop the sub and hop on some solid detox meds. Plus I know it takes a while for your body to adapt to benzos and I honestly don't believe you are addicted to them yet. If anything you may just have very minor wds, but again a med like neurontin or lyrica will completely rid any minor benzo wds you have.
 
^ really good, solid advice.

i agree about the benzo 'habit.' i've seen it so many times on these boards-- addicts that claim they want to detox because they enjoy the attention of being sick, but when push comes to shove, they self sabotage because if they actually got better, they'd lose the only thing they have in life. bet ya anything that jake completely disappears, lays low for awhile, then shows up with a bigger habit, re-upping his subs and begging for attention from a whole new crowd. it's never ending *sigh*

Bojangles (or anyone)--

if you have a minute, could you give me advice on my opiate taper? I've been doing the IV heroin thing for 6 months. I've weaned my habit down to .4 (4 balloons) of black tar. I have a script for 40 subs, but they're damned expensive. I tried jumping once, but I screwed it up by only using 2, 8mg subs, over 3 days... after it faded I was still in WD... didn't stay on sub long enough. what's the minimum amount of sub that I have to do to get off painlessly? maybe 2 weeks?

thnks.
 
If you have too much to lose, you're definitely going to lose it by continuing on this path. The best chance you have is to go to get clean. Good luck.
 
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