Difficult lifestyle shift: becoming sedentary after years of travelling

[mozaik0000]

Hi,

I would like to hear of anyone who's been in a similar situation.
For the past 15 years , from the end of high school til about now, i've been mostly travelling the world, and when i needed money, i just took up a seasonal job in a rich country for a few months.

I've shared this lifestyle with a couple different girls for a few years, and being in my twenties at the time, family life and settling down was a relatively "distant future" notion.

I'm in my early thirties now, and so is the girl i've been with for 2 years now, and distant future is nearing in. She's a wonderful girl, and the first one i imagine myself having children with. But...
the settling down part i feel is going to be a tough one: for 15 years i haven't stayed more than 6 months in a row in the same place, and i loved it.

As i see it, having kids will result in staying for years in the same location, be it for financial/professionnal stability or the kid's emotionnal wellbeing, and leading a pretty "regular" life. This quite simply doesn't appeal to me since i basically equate "sedentary" with "boring", but at the same time i really feel i would miss out on something great by not having kids...

Will their presence compensate for for this? The last thing i want is to become a grumpy frustrated partner and dad, melancholically remembering the good ol' times and imagining all the good travels he's missing out on!

Well, you get my dilemma, any thoughts or similar experiences are most welcome, be they positive or negative.

 

[kytnism]

i am a parent; and while children, jobs and houses keep you stable, these things have never stopped our family from travelling (whether apart or together). if you partner shares your love for travelling and exploring new places, your children will grow to love these things too. my daughter loves when we travel; both within our own country and overseas, and is a much more worldly little lady than i was at her age. she has been to third world countries; which has also helped enrich her personality and compassion for others. she has experienced new cultures, foods, customs and sharing in/educating her in these things with her is amazing and very fulfilling for us, as her parents.

you dont entirely lose your lifestyle or personality simply through settling down, unless you allow it to happen.

good luck op

...kytnism...

 

[fairnymph]

^Excellent advice. I grew up with travelholic parents & I consider it a blessing for the most part. I was also homeschooled for years & that was also a very beneficial experience. You can make it work.

 

[pokepoke420]

Another way you can view it is you have had the last 15 or so years of doing this, so how much more are you really going to miss out on? You've had your fun, don't jeopardize what you have for something you have already been doing for many years now.

 

[llama112]

It seems like you feel pressured to have kids? If kids isn't what you REALLY want then you should really reconsider having them.

 

[malakaix]

I feel like im peering into the future here, i'm close to my mid 20's and i've been traveling the world for a couple of years now.. never staying in one place longer then 5-6 months. The notion of settling down is so far beyond me that it doesn't even factor into my decisions; i wonder if i'll find myself in this exact situation 10 years from now.

If you find a way to incorporate settling down and traveling, let me know! Haha.

My father is also like this.. he spent the majority of his life in the military and S.A.S so he was always moving around, it took him until the age of 43 to settle down, he retired from service when i was born. He still managed to find new work that allowed him to travel overseas quite a lot and has continued to do so until this day, but the very notion of retirement and sedentary life terrifies him.

 

[mozaik0000]

i am a parent; and while children, jobs and houses keep you stable, these things have never stopped our family from travelling (whether apart or together). if you partner shares your love for travelling and exploring new places, your children will grow to love these things too. my daughter loves when we travel; both within our own country and overseas, and is a much more worldly little lady than i was at her age. she has been to third world countries; which has also helped enrich her personality and compassion for others. she has experienced new cultures, foods, customs and sharing in/educating her in these things with her is amazing and very fulfilling for us, as her parents.

you dont entirely lose your lifestyle or personality simply through settling down, unless you allow it to happen.

good luck op

...kytnism...

Thanks, kytnism, there's a serene glow to your words that make me smile.

^Excellent advice. I grew up with travelholic parents & I consider it a blessing for the most part. I was also homeschooled for years & that was also a very beneficial experience. You can make it work.

Cool, fairnymph, was it frequent house moving, or vacation travels, or constant camper living...? could you tell me more about your homeschooling experience, how long it lasted, why your parents chose that, did you miss making school buddies, etc?
Public education here in France is quite obsolete so i'm considering alternatives...

Another way you can view it is you have had the last 15 or so years of doing this, so how much more are you really going to miss out on? You've had your fun, don't jeopardize what you have for something you have already been doing for many years now.

That's true, it's more a question of even being capable: there's nothing in my past that shows me that i can stay for long in the same situation...

It seems like you feel pressured to have kids? If kids isn't what you REALLY want then you should really reconsider having them.

Oh no pressure, i know i'll love having kids, hence my dilemma!

I feel like im peering into the future here, i'm close to my mid 20's and i've been traveling the world for a couple of years now.. never staying in one place longer then 5-6 months. The notion of settling down is so far beyond me that it doesn't even factor into my decisions; i wonder if i'll find myself in this exact situation 10 years from now.

If you find a way to incorporate settling down and traveling, let me know! Haha.

My father is also like this.. he spent the majority of his life in the military and S.A.S so he was always moving around, it took him until the age of 43 to settle down, he retired from service when i was born. He still managed to find new work that allowed him to travel overseas quite a lot and has continued to do so until this day, but the very notion of retirement and sedentary life terrifies him.

Yeah, i'm sure some people just aren't made for sedentary life, pretty sure i'm one of them... The only way i imagine staying in one place is if that place is stunningly beautiful, close to mountains and sea where there are a ton of outdoor activities to do year round.
One thing i can tell you is to do all your craziest physically demanding dangerous travels now: putting you own life in danger can be fun, but putting someone else's...

Looking forward to hear more thoughts and stories!

 

[llama112]

You could always adopt kids in the future?

 

[Beachcat]

What does your partner have to say about it? Honestly, that is the main issue I feel like you are facing at the moment.

Is she down for adventures, or is she the settle down type?

The thing is, kids are life changing no matter what, but in ways you could never imagine. There is no way to see into the future and predict how you will feel about things when you have an actual child in your arms.

With that said, babies and young children are very portable. Your experiences might be different, but it is way easier than you think to travel around with kids. As a matter of fact, I bet money you will find that your own experience will be greatly enriched as you see places through their eyes.

It is important to be on the same page as your partner, though. If she is not down with the traveling then you will have some hard decisions to make. Good luck to you!

 

[mozaik0000]

What does your partner have to say about it? Honestly, that is the main issue I feel like you are facing at the moment.

Is she down for adventures, or is she the settle down type?

She's up for adventures, so that's cool, and both her parents are from another continent.

The thing is, kids are life changing no matter what, but in ways you could never imagine. There is no way to see into the future and predict how you will feel about things when you have an actual child in your arms.

With that said, babies and young children are very portable. Your experiences might be different, but it is way easier than you think to travel around with kids. As a matter of fact, I bet money you will find that your own experience will be greatly enriched as you see places through their eyes.

Nice! I'm beginning to understand, thanks to everyone's feedback here, that there's very few people around me that have led a travelling life, and i'm imagining family life based on their example, which is misleading...