Did MDMA make me stupid or do I have disorder?

[cuntball]

I took a pretty big dose of pure MDMA for the first time and had an awesome trip. That was 1.5 days ago. I experienced the afterglow today which I enjoyed, but my head isn't still the same. Before taking MDMA I had A LOT of thoughts going back and fourth. I wrote stuff down and emailed myself constantly (sometimes even ridiculous things). It was like I was connected to my subconsciousness.

However, now I feel total calmness. It's not hard to not think about anything if I don't want to (it was impossible before). It feels good, but it also feels like like I lost a super power. I felt like a master mind before. Can I expect to return to my old self soon? I kind of don't care about every small detail anymore. It was annoying sometimes, but I got stuff done and I got it done well.

 

[vancbc]

Treasure that total calmness that follows an MDMA experience. MDMA can open up your mind to an entirely different way of being, even if it happens at the subconscious level. There's a reason that MDMA has the reputation of a single experience being equivalent to a year of traditional therapy. The essence of life is about being, not about doing - and it sounds like you may be experiencing a different way of being. MDMA can be a fantastic mental reset when used in the right setting.

You won't feel the total calmness forever because life begins to creep back in, but I found that once you reach those depths on MDMA that you change forever. Whatever you find in the beauty of that experience has a ripple effect that creeps into your life and becomes a part of who you are.

I'm often a deeply introverted, analytical thinker with my brain running in wild circles and obsessing with small details, and one of the great things I took away from a decade of MDMA use even though I don't use anymore is that wonderful ability to "suspend thought" when I realize I'm getting carried away and want to bring myself back to living in the moment.

 

[cuntball]

I messed up with the dose a bit and probably went around a total of 400-500 mg in three doses. I wasn't thinking when I was tripping. I may have know that it was pointless to re-dose in the morning but I still did. I tripped from around 00 to 9-11 AM. When I got home around 13 I could still see my room through my eyelids (which was incredibly cool) though. I do take piracetam regularly and took a bigger dose today to help my brain recover from the possible damage I did. I do weight around 200 lbs though.

vancbc - a mental reset is exactly what it is. I just wasn't sure if it's good or bad. I guess it's good since I feel a lot happier and enjoy things more.

 

[Chesh]

I could still see my room through my eyelids (which was incredibly cool)

i get that sometimes when i'm stoned and go to bed, or if i'm sober and on the edge of sleep. it's hard to explain and sometimes i open my eyes just to make sure they were actually closed in the first place.

also sounds like you might have ADHD or something and for a little bit after doing MDMA you might just be calmer.

 

[Folley]

I took a pretty big dose of pure MDMA for the first time and had an awesome trip. That was 1.5 days ago. I experienced the afterglow today which I enjoyed, but my head isn't still the same. Before taking MDMA I had A LOT of thoughts going back and fourth. I wrote stuff down and emailed myself constantly (sometimes even ridiculous things). It was like I was connected to my subconsciousness.

That sounds like quite severe Bipolar disorder or schizophrenia to be honest... both of those disorders are often brought out from hiding by heavy MDMA abuse.

When was your last roll? You took a very high dose, and have probably done some damage to your mental health... take a 3 months break, everything should return back to normal. Just be sure to stay safe after that, trust me, you do not want MDMA abuse to bring out the demons lying within.

 

[cuntball]

That sounds like quite severe Bipolar disorder or schizophrenia to be honest... both of those disorders are often brought out from hiding by heavy MDMA abuse.

When was your last roll? You took a very high dose, and have probably done some damage to your mental health... take a 3 months break, everything should return back to normal. Just be sure to stay safe after that, trust me, you do not want MDMA abuse to bring out the demons lying within.

That was my first time. Definitely taking that break. 3 months sounds incredibly long though... Would doing mk-MDMA be fine during the break?

The disorder thing doesn't sound very good. But in this case it seems that MDMA made me normal? I do miss the layers of thoughts though (or do I). I don't think I'm schizophrenic. Probably an irrelevant detail, but I forgot to mention that I keep a log of everything I do (or think) in my pc and have been doing it for years. There was too much stuff, I had to write things down constantly. That's probably normal lol.

 

[Folley]

If that was you're first roll, than a one or two month break should be just fine as long as you don't go under that. No methylone though, it does the same thing basically that MDMA does.


TBH it sounds like you have a mild OCD disorder or something... I wouldn't worry about it if it's not bothering you though

 

[cuntball]

I think I'm getting back to where I was. I don't want to say "the voices" because it's my own voice, but it's coming back. I wouldn't describe it as layers of thoughts anymore... More like echoes and repeating of my own thoughts. Holy shit... I definitely liked the other state better. It's not back fully, but I don't think it's right. I might be able to control it. This may be the cause of my anxiety as well. But whatever, thanks for the replies.

 

[Folley]

I have moderate to rather complicated Manic Depression brought out my MDMA use (but it was always there), and I get those "voices" every once in a while too...


In fact, on LSD I actually met and had a conversation with the other person living in my head. It's still me, but it's not me at the same time.... Some fucking creepy shit if you ask me.


Just be careful with this drug, OK? It would seem that naturally you have some kind of very mild disorder, and if you abuse MDMA it will most likely be brought to the front of your day to day activities, like it was for me.

 

[cuntball]

Creepy, but also interesting. I have imagined having a second me inside my head with its own opinions on things. The fun I would have...

In may case it was the other way around. Could it be that I just experienced being totally normal (the period after doing MDMA)? I also do acid several times a month (but only have done so 4-5 times). Either way doing more MDMA (too soon) isn't the answer and I might be trying to rationalize it. I was really looking forward to methylone though. I was under the impression that it was a lot safer for regular use than MDMA. It's not well researched but there are people who do it daily without problems.

A friend who I was tripping with also took a pretty big dose (less than me and also 1st time). He ended up having multiple severe panic attacks that night (he went from laughing the crying in fear in a matter of seconds). He also spent most of today having bad panic attacks home alone. I got him some Xanax and that sorted him out. It seems MDMA brought out an underlying condition in his case (he had mild panic attacks before from time). Seeing a big guy cry and break down like that...now that was scary. I hope it didn't fuck him up permanently.

 

[slackhands]

I took a pretty big dose of pure MDMA for the first time and had an awesome trip. That was 1.5 days ago. I experienced the afterglow today which I enjoyed, but my head isn't still the same. Before taking MDMA I had A LOT of thoughts going back and fourth. I wrote stuff down and emailed myself constantly (sometimes even ridiculous things). It was like I was connected to my subconsciousness.

However, now I feel total calmness. It's not hard to not think about anything if I don't want to (it was impossible before). It feels good, but it also feels like like I lost a super power. I felt like a master mind before. Can I expect to return to my old self soon? I kind of don't care about every small detail anymore. It was annoying sometimes, but I got stuff done and I got it done well.

Exactly the same. I was trying to remember this dude's surname I used to go to school with about 5 years ago, for the last few weeks. I rolled 2 days ago and then today, his surname came to me immediately when I tried thinking about it. It's like my brain didn't go off on a tangent like it normally would, thinking of other details.
I had suicidal feelings during the comedown on the night, but the next day I felt fine,and much more relaxed like you describe. I actually prefer feeling like this, if it means I can remember shit better. At the gym today I felt alot less motivated however, which sucked.

 

[Folley]

Could it be that I just experienced being totally normal (the period after doing MDMA)?

If you have some kind of serotonin deficiency, than the time after MDMA would probably feel normal to you... I remember getting those feeling as well

he went from laughing the crying in fear in a matter of seconds

I've had this happen sober... it was terrifying. I thought I had finally lost my mind.

 

[5000m]

[...] In fact, on LSD I actually met and had a conversation with the other person living in my head. It's still me, but it's not me at the same time.... Some fucking creepy shit if you ask me. [...]

Lol Folley, please elaborate? :D

my apologies for OT

 

[Folley]

Ummm... well it's a bit disturbing to think back on... and weird...


It was pretty awkward really... neither of me knew what to say... so I kind of just exchanged pleasantries with myself before getting too weirded out and trying to put it out of my head (or was it back into my head? )

 

[Chesh]

Ummm... well it's a bit disturbing to think back on... and weird...


It was pretty awkward really... neither of me knew what to say... so I kind of just exchanged pleasantries with myself before getting too weirded out and trying to put it out of my head (or was it back into my head? )

i read a trip report on erowid where someone with a coke addiction (doing coke everyday but not accepting he had a problem kind of addiction) did LSD and one of his visuals was this guy who came and started talking to him and knew his name, turns out the visual was called 'charlie' which is a brit slang term for coke. charlie told the dude to tell him to go away so he did and charlie went away.

apparently helped the guy realise he had a problem and helped him stop doing coke.

kinda OT but it just reminded me of it