Ok so last night I took my 2 painkillers only as a detox dose. Well I finally felt the w/ds. Fuck. I haven't had a jones for speed, X, pot, and I haven't NEEDED to take them either. I haven't. Damn me for ever getting started on tramadol. That whole thing has been a nightmare and got me started on the road to active addiction in the first place. The opiate detox is the hardest. So, tonight I took 3 painkillers, the last dose I felt "normal" at. Granted, yes the kick from the painkillers still isn't as bad as the tramadol, but knowing I've got 2 wks ahead of feeling like crap and having to go to work....that's the whole reason I wasn't off the shit a long time ago in the first place. It's not that I want the pills to get high, (not that I don't LOVE that feeling) but I have to have 3 to feel normal.
Sigh. This sucks. It's a trap I walked right into. I'm glad for the fact I'm not strung out on other drugs, and if the doc denies a refill of painkillers tomorrow, I still have a shitload of tramadol if a maintainance dose is desired instead of kicking. Tuesdays are my most demanding work days, so I want to get the worst over before the next Tuesday rolls around. Mom asked me what the deal was last night and I told her. "I took 2 painkillers as a detox dose." She's supportive as long as I do my best to get off of the pills. In order to help make the detox bearable, I need the assistance of Phenocane, a supplement that helps reduce kicking, but can't do it this week, as they are $50 a bottle.
This addiction is only small scale, but I don't like it one bit, the feeling of being physically stuck. It's got me by the short and curleys, but I keep playing the "maintainence/kicking" game because I keep trying a thousand different ways/ideas to making kicking without symptoms, but yeah right, that's not the case. If I don't do the maintainance dose, then I suck at accomplishing my responsibilities because I feel like crap. I know what needs to be done, but honestly, at this point, I don't know when. The longer I wait, the harder it will be.
Sigh. This sucks. It's a trap I walked right into. I'm glad for the fact I'm not strung out on other drugs, and if the doc denies a refill of painkillers tomorrow, I still have a shitload of tramadol if a maintainance dose is desired instead of kicking. Tuesdays are my most demanding work days, so I want to get the worst over before the next Tuesday rolls around. Mom asked me what the deal was last night and I told her. "I took 2 painkillers as a detox dose." She's supportive as long as I do my best to get off of the pills. In order to help make the detox bearable, I need the assistance of Phenocane, a supplement that helps reduce kicking, but can't do it this week, as they are $50 a bottle.
This addiction is only small scale, but I don't like it one bit, the feeling of being physically stuck. It's got me by the short and curleys, but I keep playing the "maintainence/kicking" game because I keep trying a thousand different ways/ideas to making kicking without symptoms, but yeah right, that's not the case. If I don't do the maintainance dose, then I suck at accomplishing my responsibilities because I feel like crap. I know what needs to be done, but honestly, at this point, I don't know when. The longer I wait, the harder it will be.
