Desperate to quit pain meds

[ToBeReborn]

Hi

New here, a little bit of background follows about my situation, really grateful for any help or advice anyone can offer.

I am 36 and female with several ongoing health issues, one of them involves severe low back pain, managed currently with prescription morphine. I am desperate to stop using these meds as I feel they are no longer helping the pain much and the dose is creeping up, as are the horrible side effects. I also feel heavily depressed and a sense of despair much of the time, no doubt because of my situation with chronic pain but also because the ability to produce endorphins is so severely decreased with these meds.

I managed to stop using opiates before (a whole other crazy story involving a horrendous cold turkey detox!)after initial use of about 2 years and stayed stopped for about 2 years and was able during that time to get physio and other pain management, which was great but when I could no longer access these things, I started back on the meds and here I am, almost 4 years later, at doses 100-200mg per day.

I am wondering if I manage to stop, will I be able to recover the ability to make my own endorphins, or is this disease of addiction too far gone to recover the ability to feel happy again whilst substance free? I'd love to hear from others that have tried to quit after a long time on opiates. A lot of very difficult and stressful stuff has occurred in my life during this time and this addiction is reaching rock bottom for me, make or break really.

I want to quit using opiates desperately now and know I am going to need a lot of support from the good folks here, hope to hear from others battling this demon.

 

[Sunflower Kitten]

I too am about your age and in your situation except my dug(s) are oxycodone/hydrocodone (although that's just the opiate lineup). Its hard when you have legitimate medical issues to deal with but you are fighting addiction at the same time. While I don't have any answers for you, I do want to offer my support and let you know that you are not alone. Stay strong.

 

[kookiekat827]

I am 26 and have been down this same road for about a decade. I have been diagnosed with endometriosis and several other chronic pain issues. I have been on and off opiates several times, both obtained through prescription and illegally, and I know the desperation that comes with this lifestyle. It is so hard to remember that my first obligation is to be a mother instead of a pill seeker. This stuff has torn my whole life apart and put me out on my ass more times than I can count.

Speaking from personal experience, as far as the endorphins are concerned, it tales a very long time for your brain to get back to where it nee be, but it does happen. During the process of fixing itself though, you can find yourself in a pretty deep pit of despair. Although I have found that this depression is not even close to being as uncontrolled as it is when I have had "pill rage" when I would take 10+ pills a day. That anger was unbelievable and explosive.

Anyway, if you'd like to chat, message me. I am here for support and also to help myself with some of the same issues. Nice to meet you.

 

[LegallyMotivated]

Sunflower Kitten and kookiekat827, absolutely awesome replies! ToBeReborn, welcome to the site and I hope you find the resources here a huge benefit to your recovery. I don't have much experience with the opiate lineup but I wish you the best and offer my shoulder for you to cry on if necessary. =) Take care!

 

[ToBeReborn]

Thanks everyone for the welcome!

Glad to know I'm not alone, but very disappointed so many of us are having to struggle with this lifestyle.

Kookie, when you mentioned the "pill rage", was this some sort of agitation and stress? I'm starting to experience similar snd it is making me really scared and worried about stopping these drugs as this is the longest stint I've been on them and I seem to be needing more and more and more. How long did the despair stage last for you after initial withdrawal?