So right now, I am really feeling poor. I didn't sleep at all last night, at all, just because - no reason. I was expecting opiates today, the plans fell through. I have work for school to be done. My grandmother, who I am with, is not in a good mood either. I have been generally anxious for the past week, maybe? I am moving, which is whatever, but I am losing a house I am very close to. I have in the past provoked incidents via histrionics, which did not lead me anywhere good, but I feel helpless and just so poor that I have a STRONG urge to do something attention-seeking. I felt great a few hours ago, and crash. Really I feel HORRIBLE, and I know it is only going to get worse throughout the day. Don't know what to do. Can anybody relate to these feelings or channeling them in a healthy, but satisfying way? I feel like I have been emotionally pushed into a corner, and I am the cat who is going to scratch your eyes out. I have a neuroleptic on hand, which I am especially hesitant to use due to the fact that it might just increase the depressive aspects of my mood and make fighting sleep an even larger challenge. Any advice?
-
The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
Posting Rules Bluelight Rules Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines Bereavement Mindfulness Suicide Support Anger Management -
TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android
Desire To Stir Up Chaos - Unhealthy, But Tempting
- Thread starter Alex000
- Start date
herbavore
Bluelight Crew
Hey, Alex, I figure you probably posted this as away to stop yourself, however temporarily, from creating chaos--so that was a good step!
The obvious thing to me would be exercise. Going out for an all out sprint around your block, or a jog or even a very long walk would do wonders for both the pent up energy and give you some great brain chemicals without the need to take anything. The long walk option is one I use a lot. First off, you get moving and get your blood flowing, but even more beneficial is that you engage your mind with what you see around you and that keeps changing. When you are stuck inside, literally and figuratively, you are stuck with the same thoughts and emotional reactions as well. Going out into the world reminds you that there is more, that things do change, that there are many directions and choices available to you.
I get really attached to houses, too. Why are you having to move? One suggestion I have is to document everything that you love about that house. You could take pictures of it from all angles, photograph little details that you love about it, try to capture as much of it as possible on film. Or you could write about it. Pretend that you are describing it to someone, not only what it looks like but what it means to you, what it makes you feel.
My last suggestion is to try to do something for your grandmother to help her feel better. Often when I am feeling really down myself, if I am presented with a situation where I can do something to help someone else feel better, it automatically improves my own mood and outlook.
Hang in there.
The obvious thing to me would be exercise. Going out for an all out sprint around your block, or a jog or even a very long walk would do wonders for both the pent up energy and give you some great brain chemicals without the need to take anything. The long walk option is one I use a lot. First off, you get moving and get your blood flowing, but even more beneficial is that you engage your mind with what you see around you and that keeps changing. When you are stuck inside, literally and figuratively, you are stuck with the same thoughts and emotional reactions as well. Going out into the world reminds you that there is more, that things do change, that there are many directions and choices available to you.I get really attached to houses, too. Why are you having to move? One suggestion I have is to document everything that you love about that house. You could take pictures of it from all angles, photograph little details that you love about it, try to capture as much of it as possible on film. Or you could write about it. Pretend that you are describing it to someone, not only what it looks like but what it means to you, what it makes you feel.
My last suggestion is to try to do something for your grandmother to help her feel better. Often when I am feeling really down myself, if I am presented with a situation where I can do something to help someone else feel better, it automatically improves my own mood and outlook.
Hang in there.
I appreciate your concern. My grandmother and I actually had an honest talk today, well as relatively honest, and we have come to an understanding that I will be needing more benzos during the next few weeks due to hightened excitation over the move, and is even condoning the use of tramadol as an anxiolytic overtly when really needed. I was very happy to have this discussion with her, and pleasantly surprised at her openess. My meds are somewhat controlled so it is nice to know I can be upfront and say "hey it is just too much, I need a dose of tramadol" instead of feigning a headache or something. I think I will follow your suggestion in documentation of the house, at least in some form. The details are important, but this house was my "childhood escape wonderland house" if that makes any sense, so it is the whole house I am attached to.
Currently I am doing MUCH better, still tired, but that can be fixed later tonight.
Currently I am doing MUCH better, still tired, but that can be fixed later tonight.