• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

derealization/depersonalization following mdma use

ShaolinBomber

ShaolinBomber

Ex-Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 26, 2009
Messages
489
Before i get started i just want to say that the only drugs ive ever done were mdma,weed,alcohol and mushrooms. I've taken 6 tabs over the course of 1 and a half years that might of contained other substances but the usage and frequency is so spread out i doubt it has any signifigance.

I Posted this in the ecstasy discussion forum but realized that was the wrong one...anyway..

I took somewhere around 300mg of pure mdma all at once last weekend and this is the first time i've had any kind of depression from rolling. I know that what i took was WAY too much because of how the drug actually made me feel compared to the other times. I had trouble concentrating on what i was talking about, and i used verbal fillers alot such as "like" etc. There was a period of about 5-10minutes where i was feeling somewhat uncomfortable but it felt so good at the same time. i had to go stand outside because i felt my body temp rise VERY fast. This was probably the comeup and was the most intense part of it.

This was my 6th time to do ecstasy over a period of 1 and 1/2 years but i did the last 4 times in the past 3 months =/. Ya i know stupid thing to do. Im done rolling anyway but now my question is...

Is it possible that i've done any serious damage to my brain? My cognitive skills are fine and they dont feel any different. The only thing im worried about is getting over this slightly depressed state that im in. The following day i felt ok i guess. Im taking 5-htp daily to try and help this.

Does anyone know the estimated time it takes to recover from a rough roll?
 
You probably haven't done much damage at all compared with most people who frequent this forum. Doing MDMA 4 times in 3 months really isn't heavy use, I would say that is almost 'smart' use, its not too often at all (for most people). Give it time, I think you'll be back to normal soon. :)
 
I think your biggest problem now would be your anxiety about what damage you've caused. Noone here can say for sure whether you've damaged your brain or not but I think it would be very unusual if you had any sort of lasting problems from this. I think you'll start feeling better very soon, if you keep up the 5-htp, exercise, good nutrition - you know the drill. Good luck, feel better soon <3
 
Well its 4 days after and...

I made another thread about this earlier but im not feeling comfortable at all.

I rolled last saturday with a moderately high dose of 300mg of molly. Prior to this i had rolled on 5 other occasions over about a year and a half, 3 being from pills and 2 from molly. I had never taken a dosage that high before. Anyway, The day after i guess i felt ok but come monday i started to feel shitty. You know the feeling that nothing is like what it was before you came off the roll? I had never gotten the feeling before and its now thursday and i still feel like this. Im guessing that this is depression induced by mdma. Its starting to worry me alittle bit. Everything that i felt before just isn't there right now. ITs fucking hard to explain. Im taking moderate doses of 5-htp but i've done my research and i think my problem is that my seritonin receptors are "downregulated" from the heavy dose. Is this a temporary defense machanism by my brain thats causing me to feel like this or is it something thats going to be a long term?
 
ShaolinBomber said:
I Posted this in the ecstasy discussion forum but realized that was the wrong one...anyway..
Click to expand...
Actually I think ED is a perfect place to get info about any aspect of Ecstasy use. There is tons of discussion in many threads about quantities, frequency, mitigating harm, and after effects. The answers there are going to vary given different experiences and different emphases on topics and data.

I think you have discovered your personal limit on frequency and dose. Give it some time. I like the guidance to do MDMA once a month or less which I've seen from several ED posters. I'd say to be patient with your recuperation and remember that your serotonin depleted state has left you particularly prone to despair. Exercise, good nutrition, work to avoid despair, and be patient.

Also I'm leaving this open-- but in general do not open several threads on the same topic. If necessary bump threads or use the report function to request a thread be moved to a different forum :)
 
It should be temporary. 300mg is by no means a huge or damaging dose for the night. In my experience, the depression should last probably a few more days until you get back to normal.

Consider it like withdrawing all your money from your bank account in one night and having to wait until Friday's payday check to clear before it's all better again.
 
yeah I agree with the above poster. 300 is high, but I have done that on many stupid nights with no permanent damage. You have probably just fucked with the neurochemistry in your brain a bit, and it is trying to get it back to normal. Until you get your serotonin and dopamine levels back in balance you can expect to feel a little off.

If it persists for over a month, then I would recommend seeing a doctor, but I highly doubt it is anything real serious man. People will eat 5-10 rolls a day for weeks on end, and they aren't perma-fucked yet so who knows?
 
Thanks for all the replys guys. I think im starting to come around a little bit but we'll see how today goes.

One more thing. Does anyone else have weird and vivid dreams the few days after you roll hard? I can recall most of the dreams i have the night before and they're very peculiar.
 
That's not at all uncommon. MDMA isn't even that crazy, some of the exotic tryptamines give some crazy intense dreams. Not necessarily in a good way, or worth it in certain cases.
 
Ok so i've made a couple threads about my situation earlier in the week about how i took 300mg give or take of molly. The following days i was experiencing what i thought to be mild depression brought on by the drug but now im not so sure if thats what im experiencing now. Nothing feels like it was before i rolled last saturday. Ill give an example. I like to work out and run and all that right? Well since i was feeling like shit all week i decided to go and run on Thursday night. Well once i was out doing it it didn't feel like anything. It was as if i was disconnected from the activity that i used to love and get joy out of. Almost a "dream" like state. This shit is starting to scare me. Nothing seems "real" now like it did before Saturday.

I've read up alot on dereal/depersonalization phenomena and it seems like what im feeling could very well be this. I've had no history of feeling like this. I might suffer from mild anxiety and paranoia naturely. could this be the cause of this sudden onset?

The past week flew by time wise, almost like it never really happened, though i can remember everything i had done during said week.

ANY input or advice anyone can give me would be greatly appreciated.

Are there any methods that can help me kick this funk im in? Or will it go away naturally on its own?

I fear that now i know what the feeling is like that ill always know and never truely be able to get rid of it.

P.S. I read another thread of this website of someone else who took a relatively high dose of pure mdma, 375mg, and was feeling the same way.

I dont roll much. Only 7 times over the past 2 years actually.
 
Last edited:
symptoms of derealiztion disorder copied and pasted from wikipedia. parts in bold are what i feel like.

"The symptoms include a sense of automation, going through the motions of life but not experiencing it, feeling as though one is in a movie, feeling as though one is in a dream, feeling a disconnection from one's body; out-of-body experience, a detachment from one's body, environment and difficulty relating oneself to reality."

I wasn't expecting the usual "just stay off drugs man, exercise and eat right, take vitamins and all will be ok."

It's not really as simple as that. I need real advice here guys.
 
although i know exactly how you feel i'm experiencing the same thing and kinda need advice for this thing too. ive always been spacey and felt out of place but i'm in a similar position except i was an Xhead for almost three years and have eaten somewhere over 200 pills (many with meth im sure) within that period of time. on top of that plenty of weed, pharmies, shrooms, LSD, booze. i feel like i've fried my brain and it's hard to relate and communicate with people. i usually feel sad, unable to concentrate, delusional and dreamy, indifferent, illusions of love and get some pretty fucking bad dreams. i feel almost brain dead in a way, but more like trapped in a pointless existence. im jus sayin man, you'll even out, jus that it could be a lot worse. it got to the point where i couldn't even hardly talk for a while. everyones made the best suggestions already. make sure you sleep a lot. i used to go into these 16 hr semi comatose states and shit, hahaha. sleep, water, vitamins, food, maybe exercise. etc. you should be fine.%)
 
Your frequency of use matters less than the amount you dose, and what you dose with.

If you swallow 400mg of what you believe is MDMA, and it turns out to be heavily laced with speed, then you could do severe damage in a single weekend.

If you do your usual dose of MDMA, and it turns out to be MDA, then the neurotoxic effects can be much more severe.

As well, predisposition to mental illness can be catalysed by drug use. Those with a family history of bipolar, BPD, or schizoeffective disorder, should avoid using MDxx or any hallucinogenic drug.

DP/DR is commonly believed to be a symptom of anxiety. Most health professionals treat the anxiety and depression, and if successful, the fog usually lifts.

Forums to discuss DP/DR are are:
http://www.dpselfhelp.com/forum/

FAQ is here:
http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/showthread.php?t=72261&highlight=depersonalization
 
kyk thank you so much for the post. Finally someone who has experienced what i think im going through right now. I just want to ask you this personal question. How long did it take you to get that normal feeling back? Im staying abstinent from everything at the moment. Everything you described in the link you gave me about derealization is what im relating to as of right now.

Any more tips you can give me? I've talked to family and freinds about it but to be honest no one else can relate to me unless they've actually felt it.
 
Kyk said:
Your frequency of use matters less than the amount you dose, and what you dose with.

If you swallow 400mg of what you believe is MDMA, and it turns out to be heavily laced with speed, then you could do severe damage in a single weekend.

If you do your usual dose of MDMA, and it turns out to be MDA, then the neurotoxic effects can be much more severe.

As well, predisposition to mental illness can be catalysed by drug use. Those with a family history of bipolar, BPD, or schizoeffective disorder, should avoid using MDxx or any hallucinogenic drug.

DP/DR is commonly believed to be a symptom of anxiety. Most health professionals treat the anxiety and depression, and if successful, the fog usually lifts.

Forums to discuss DP/DR are are:
http://www.dpselfhelp.com/forum/

FAQ is here:
http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/showthread.php?t=72261&highlight=depersonalization
Click to expand...

I couldn't send you a PM so im posting what i said in the pm here.

you responded to my thread about the possibility of me developing a mild form of derealization from 1 episode of mdma use. I've done alot of reading on this disorder and i think what im experiencing is very well indeed derealization. Ever since the night i rolled, nothing really felt "the same" as it did before hand. Its hard to explain and you should know where im coming from. All of my normal activities suddenly lost their appeal etc. etc. i can still socialize just fine, have my normal sense of humour, and i dont get paranoid about anythign except for this shit.

I just have a personal question or 2 for you. When this happened to you, how did you overcome it? Im done with any kind of hard drug use forever as i dont ever want to feel like this again once i get out. I've only ever done ecstasy and shrooms but i dont plan on doing them ever again. Any advice you have for more would be great. I read your FAQ and it was very informative and i thank you.
 
I think alot of MDMA users have experienced similar things to some degree. One weekend me and a group of friends took partying too far. Among four of us we consumed upwards of 30 pills each over three days (with some speed thrown in for good measure) with no sleep. Needless to say we were in a world of shit afterwards, it was bad enough to induce a week of "brain zaps" a mysterious phenomena that isn't even accepted by the medical community as real. Of course along with that we all experienced the same dreamlike autonomous existence you are describing, for three weeks for one friend, and severe loneliness and emptiness connected to everything we did. Spending this period with each other was what saved us from insanity to know that we weren't alone. But while you are in that state you get this feeling of despair, that it may not pass and that you may be changed forever. This is plainly not true and is just your mind defeating itself while in a vulnerable state. You will recover to normality with time and I have never seen such things permanently change someone.

One thing will change forever if you do this sort of stuff to often though, your tolerance will shoot through the roof and you will lose the magic. Now me and another of these friends don't bother with MDMA save for every now and then just to see if it will start working again.

Also, although this one time was rather severe, I have had days where just a pill or two has given me the same detachment, apathy and slowness for a week or more, so even your dose can cause this and should pass.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top