depression

[miss apple]

not all of us really have the luxury where we can decide whether we want structure in our lives though pleo. you say that material things aren't important to you....well what about the computer you're typing your message out on? Where would you be without that? something has to pay for it. in my case, I need a job to pay for the loan I've had to take out to buy my computer.
some of us have no choice but to be responsible sometimes.

 

[Pleonastic]

^^^^^
I didn't say they're not nice, I said they're not important, and just because I'm using a computer doesn't mean I need it... and I also said that it's different for everyone - I'm not preeching, just stating my opinion.
But we really shouldn't be picking each other's opinions apart here, because it's such a personal and individual issue for everyone. I think the purpose of it is to say stuff that you find helps and others can read that and see how it relates to their own lives - nobody is wrong in this thread.
Being the different ages we both are we're obviously going to be at different stages - and in a few years I totally expect my situation to have changed. But as for my 21 year old opinion it works beautifully for me at the moment, and anyone else who is in the same place might find it useful, or at least maybe interesting...
Oh, and everyone has a choice... choosing to be responsible is much of a choice as choosing not to be...
[ 05 April 2002: Message edited by: Pleonastic ]

 

[Boppychick]

Pleonastic: Your post was extremely helpful. it mad me feel so much better because it is exactly how i feel, i just dont want to admit to it. I feel like if i dont do what my parents say then i am a failure. They put so much pressure on me, firstly to get over 90 on my TER, then to do Law and now to get good marks. I dont even know if this is what i wanna do. I only did it in the first place coz they said they would fund it if that is what i did.
I am worried about the future and if i am going to keep worrying about it then i should stick to doing what my parents want me to do, but what about the here and now and what i want to do. I could think of so many more interesting things to be doing. I sometimes feel like i am wasting my life with what i am doing, because it is not what i ever wanted to do. It was my mums life long dream for me
Anyways thanks Pleonastic, your post has made me feel better. I dont feel so selfish now for wanting to do what makes me happy.
Anyways shouldn't my parents want me to do what i enjoy and what makes me happy, not just be worrying about how rich i am gonna be...
Argh, still confused. I just need to work out what is the most important thing. My happiness and life fullfillment or money, prosperity, success and security.
Who knows?

 

[Spinsta]

this post is comforting to me as i went through exactly what you described frog.. the more i read it the more it suits me
but on a less jovial note..
two or so years ago, when i was finishing year 10 a couple of things started going wrong at the school i was at (i'd started there in year 10).
dickheads that i used to hang around with started spreading some rumours about me because they're childish and had nothing better to do than take down people around them (i'd call it tall poppy syndrome, but i'm nothing special)
on top of that, my girlfriend had started being a total bitch obsessed with nothing other than her bloody schoolwork, despite all my efforts to get her to even at least feign some interest in me.
as you could assume, this started to get me down a little bit.. but it got worse when one or two of them started saying they wanted to fight me. i decked the shit out of one of them who came up to me and started pushing me around, and next thing i knew there were at least 20 people who wanted to cane me
then my girlfriend dumps me saying "we only stayed together for so long out of respect, everyone hates you now and i've worked so hard to get my friends back after year 8, i'm not losing them all over a relationship that's going nowhere"
so i got home that afternoon after going to the front office and declared that i was never going back to that school (and never did) and decided to just fuck the whole deal and kill myself because i couldn't see anything to really live for. my mum got home from work about 2 hours early, so as i was about to chug down a whole bottle of pills the garage door opened and it really jolted me back to reality.. i didn't want my mum to go through the trauma of losing a son and all sorts of other logical reasons flooded my head as to why i shouldn't do it, reasons which were not apparent earlier that day.
anyways, i started hanging around with some new mates (ones i played quake 1 with, people a decade older than i) went to their place, and they got me right into electronic music..
from there things just started getting better, i had things to do, tracks to search for, moved back to my old school and all the wankers had left so i was back amongst old friends etc..
but recently i started getting depressed again. the high that had come from being so low had worn off and i'd started to become very cynical about myself. i struggled for a few weeks to find some way of getting over it and eventually i turned to something i'd never done before, skating
now i love my skating and i'm happy as hell again
what a load of shit this whole post has been.. sorry but i guess i'm trying to say that what worked for me was to find something new, something that i hadn't tried before, or something that i had and at first had just thought was stupid
maybe you could give that a go? try and dig up some childhood passion for something. i'd personally go for sport, or something involving getting up, outdoors and especially socialising
the vibes you get when you land a trick (even if it is just a big manual) from all your mates going "yeah man! that was mad" is just great, gives you a lot of confidence too (not suggesting you lack any)
so yeah, try and diversify your interests, might do you a world of good
cheers,
- spinsta
Sorry love, no time for the old in-out. I'm just here to read the meter.

 

[black_eyed]

I suffered from depression during high school. It actually got really bad at one stage; I wasn’t eating properly and suffered from insomnia. It got better as I got to uni. But I still had no self-confidence. I let an amazing girl slip through my fingers, simply because I was too self-absorbed in my insignificant emotional problems. This sent me back down hill. This was when I began experimenting with drugs; it was my monthly form of escapism. Looking back it was a stupid thing to do, no one suffering so badly from depression that they can’t sleep or eat properly should not take drugs. I had some terrible comedowns.
But over the past couple of years I’ve matured and I believe that drugs have helped me along the way. I’ve grown to accept my family, my friends and myself. I have self-confidence, although I still am a little shy. I can tell my friends when I’m feeling down or I’m feeling happy; and that really helps. I’m enjoying what I’m doing at uni.
I also believe one of the best things I did was back packing by myself in Europe, that has given me so much belief in myself. But it has also made me appreciate how lucky I am and how beautiful Australia is. I find myself just smiling some days. I can't remember that happening before.
And thanks to the person who started this thread. Make sure your doing what you want to be doing in life. I know that i'm not going to make heaps of money after uni, but i'll doing something i want to be doing, so i'm happy.

 

[superbabydoc]

Jakoz made some really good points, in particular the fact that when people are depressed they really feel they will always feel bad. When they recover, they can't believe they ever felt so bad!
Depression always passes. It may take a while, it may need to be treated with drugs or therapy, but it is never permanent.
I am going to take a punt that you are in your early 20's - I have noticed a lot of people go through this at that age. I guess this has something to do with the confusion inherent in early adult-hood - trying to work out where you belong, what you want to do, who you want to be with. Realising that a lot of the great ideas you had as a teenager where in fact bullshit, which leads to disillusionment. And feeling like everyone else knows what they want to do in life, while having no idea yourself.
This is also the time we start wondering (not necessarily at a concious level either) about who we are as a person. We might start looking for answers to this, but invariably they don't appear on demand. I think Pleo's suggestion about taking hold of your future is a good one - either choosing some study you are really interested in, or doing some work (as for many of us working helps our self-esteem). You could even do some volunteer work - something to challenge you, and get you interacting with people. This would help your self-esteem too.
It's all too easy to get stuck in sofa-Tv land when you are depressed, but this is a bad thing. Before you know it, you lose contact with friends, which makes you even more depressed. Have you tried talking to your friends about this stuff?
frog, you should really think about talking to a professional about this. You said:

But that little inner voice won't stop contradicting what my mind knows. It's always there...being negative...and I can't stop it. What is going on is that your automatic thought patterns are making you feel miserable. Because these thoughts come automatically, we assume we can't control them. But with certain types of therapy (particularly Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) we can re-learn healthy, "normal" thought patterns. CBT can treat depression as effective as anti-depressants, and has a lower relapse rate. If you can't afford a private psychologist (which is about $70 a session) you can get subsidised treatment at community halth centres - ask your Dr about it. You might also like to check out the Mood Gym which is like an on-line self-help page.
Finally, exercise really does lift mood, so force yourself to do some. Good luck with it

 

[Raving Loony]

Originally posted by babydoc_vic:
You might also like to check out the Mood Gym which is like an on-line self-help page.

Great tip,
I recommend that people who are depressed to at least have a look at this self-help page. It helped me realise how insignificant my problems were and that I had no reason to be so glum.

 

[spacecadet]

Originally posted by babydoc_vic:
You might also like to check out the Mood Gym which is like an on-line self-help page.
well.. it would help if the moodgym admin would clean up the server once in a while:

Microsoft OLE DB Provider for ODBC Drivers error '80040e14'
[Microsoft][ODBC SQL Server Driver][SQL Server]The log file for database 'dbsMoodGym_Prod' is full. Back up the transaction log for the database to free up some log space.
/Workbook/newmooduser.asp, line 225
i guess i'll check out the moodgym some time later, possibly when i'm depressed..
well, i get depressed a lot, and i know that's because of my own pessimistic angle, not to mention the paranoia of things going wrong..
what if.. this doesn't work? what if.. my plan goes horribly wrong and explodes in my face? what if this, what if that..
then occassionally a good cry out session helps.. the last one lasted for 2 days.. the 2nd night i cried myself to sleep, and i woke up as if nothing happened.. it felt numb, but at the same time i felt like i was tougher and more ready to face the world.. and then i realised it's just my fears taking over me..
it's also good that i have a friends that i can talk to and are willing to help.. i usually clam up and am unable to say a word, i'm never able to tell them what the problem is, but they just guess through my yes/no answers..
what also really helped me with the last episode was Shadow's long post (enter at your own risk) .. not that i posted a reply
but it let me see what my priorities were and where i was heading at at the time.. thanks for that sis!
fill out your own list, and compare it with someone else's.. my boy gave me his own list and i saw his perspective why there were some things that didn't work between us..
i'm definitely keeping a blank copy of this for the future..
i've had suicidal thoughts, but i don't want to cause any sorrow to ppl around me who love me, so i guess that's the only thing that keeps me here..
i'm definitely never going to take any medication, i don't think it will solve any of my problems..
just take a break.. take a breather and step back.. don't seek help if you don't want to, but don't do anything silly that you may regret either!
take up an activity that you like and can get your mind off life, the universe and everything - sk8, spin.. even shop! don't dwell in it either, try to make yourself feel better, nobody can cheer you up if you don't want to cheer up in the first place..
[ 05 April 2002: Message edited by: spacecadet ]

 

[sydkiwi]

Bass junkie: you obviously have no understanding of depression. I got like this at 15 and i didnt get blind drunk on alcohol til i was 18, i didnt try pot til i was 18 and bikkies until I was nearly 21. it fucks me off when people just assume people get depressed because they use illigal drugs. sure drugs can cause depression, but u have to realise people can get depressed no matter wot. take it from me.

 

[frog]

babydoc - thank you Your advice has helped a lot. I'm not as young as you think though and have gone through the 'what am I going to do with my life' thing, even though I'm no closer to any answer right now. That's not what is causing this though.
bass junky - it's not the drugs. They probably don't make things any easier and a break might be a very good thing but they're not the cause. There's more underlying stuff than that.
whoever said to talk to my friends - unfortunately I can't. They wouldn't get it. That's why I'm posting this under a different name.
Jakoz - a couple of your points are very helpful. The trouble is I already know all that stuff. But being stuck in this cycle makes it so difficult to get off the couch, go and exercise, or be proactive about my life (I like that one - that's the one I'm having the most difficulty with). There's mental stuff there that I think I need to deal with before any of that stuff can happen. Maybe that's just a cop out?? Maybe I'm just lazy. As for seeing the family - unfortunately that's not an option (they're interstate).
To everyone else - it bothers me there are so many people like us out there, suffering the same thing. Yet society encourages us not to talk about it with anyone - to deal with our own problems and be strong and sort them out for ourselves. For that reason I really appreciate you all sharing your own experiences and what's worked for you. Each of us obviously deal with this sort of thing in our own way, and even though my last few paragraphs just tried to make excuses why each of your suggestions wouldn't work, there are a couple of things that have been suggested that I'm going to try.
I just get the idea that this is something I'm going to have to deal with for the rest of my life My mum has struggled with depression and self doubt for most of her life and I can see myself having the same thought processes as her. At least I've seen how not to cope with it
When I first made this post I thought I was coping with it fine and that even though I knew it was there, it was something in the background not affecting my everyday life. I was getting frustrated that each of you were telling me it was something to be fixed and was thinking none of you knew what I was trying to get at. But reading each of your responses I've realised it was my accepting attitude of it that was preventing anything from changing. I guess that realisation is a start to fixing it.
thanks everyone.

 

[flutter]

It is comforting to know i am not the only one in this situation...but at the same time it is somewhat disturbing. As frog said it is sad we live in a society that expects us to deal with out problems internally.
I pretty much agree with Jakoz's post. I think the way to fight depression is to find something you love and just do it! To find something that makes you happy. I did a degree i never really wanted to do. Just did it for something to do. Was too busy focusing on drugs/parties to worry about my studies. Somehow i managed to pass the degree but it was useless to me because i'd been to preoccupied with parties to learn anything.
So i scored a job in a call centre and while i loved the experience because of all the fantastic people i worked with i also loathed the actual job. I became really depressed and wanted to cry each day when the alarm went off. I wasn't me during that time. I stuck it out for 6 months then had this horrible vision of me in 40 years still feeling the same way about my job. I couldn't be that person! I realised to be happy in life i had to have a career that i loved so that when i woke up in the morning i'd want to go to work!
After much soul searching i worked out that my love was parties/festivals so why not make it into my career. So now i feel much better about life. I've worked out what i want and am slowly on my way to achieving it. I've stopped the drugs, I am in an Events Management course and so far i am loving it and doing well. I am also getting some great work experience in the field.
I don't think my problem now is so much depression it's more like freaking out about the future but i try not to think about that too much and focus the present and on the happy aspects of my life. I have a great boy who adores me (and i more often than not don't appreaciate that fact), a family who just want me to be happy, and a heap of fantastic friends that i don't see enough.
Even when i do get depressed now i try to enjoy it (sounds weird i know) but i realsie now that it's usually just a phase i'm going through and once i get my head in order i get over it and everything is ok. It usually slips away without me noticing.
Sorry about all the babble but I think we all need the down times to really appreciate the up times!
[ 06 April 2002: Message edited by: flutter ]

 

[Pleonastic]

How funny...
When I posted in this thread a couple of days ago I was feeling fine... then yesterday I had a sort of brain snap and tumbled into a state very similar to how I was a year and a half ago. Last night I had dreams that would do the head in of the craziest schizophreniac, and today my mood's been up and down like a yo-yo with a 50ft string.
Weird...