22.00 pm
Alone with my special friend on a train, it is late summer and the pale stone red moon rise slow beyond black trees. The chilly air outside, the dark factorys along the tracks when we get nearer the small city we’re going to. Dark blue sky and stroboscopewhite citylights. And right now, in this moment, everything is so beautiful that it hurts.
Theres something i want to describe, to see if there is anyone out there who feels the same. I have lived with a depression for a so long time, the depression makes me feel, gives me a reason to live, gives things a meaning. I’ve lived with it so long time it has become me. It is such a big part of me now and i do not longer know what i am without it. Always looking for this kind of pain just to feel, just need to feel. When the depression, the pain is gone i am noone. Nothing.
This bittersweetness tear me apart. It is killing me - and is the everything i live for. When i don’t feel, i’m just an empty hole and nothing matters. Sometimes i can’t take the pain, but at the same time the emptiness is to hard. At the same time i can’t live with it or without it. Sends me to desperation, pain and some kind of strange happiness now and then that i could never live without.
Need help but i don’t know how. Feels like nothing can help me.. i’m trapped here. When i look at my life i see myself go under, and i don’t care. Thats the way it is.
Lana
Alone with my special friend on a train, it is late summer and the pale stone red moon rise slow beyond black trees. The chilly air outside, the dark factorys along the tracks when we get nearer the small city we’re going to. Dark blue sky and stroboscopewhite citylights. And right now, in this moment, everything is so beautiful that it hurts.
Theres something i want to describe, to see if there is anyone out there who feels the same. I have lived with a depression for a so long time, the depression makes me feel, gives me a reason to live, gives things a meaning. I’ve lived with it so long time it has become me. It is such a big part of me now and i do not longer know what i am without it. Always looking for this kind of pain just to feel, just need to feel. When the depression, the pain is gone i am noone. Nothing.
This bittersweetness tear me apart. It is killing me - and is the everything i live for. When i don’t feel, i’m just an empty hole and nothing matters. Sometimes i can’t take the pain, but at the same time the emptiness is to hard. At the same time i can’t live with it or without it. Sends me to desperation, pain and some kind of strange happiness now and then that i could never live without.
Need help but i don’t know how. Feels like nothing can help me.. i’m trapped here. When i look at my life i see myself go under, and i don’t care. Thats the way it is.
Lana
