depression is a motherfuck.

why can one day be so much fun and you feel so good, but then the next day you just feel like absolute shit? y'know, I just don't get it, and one of the worst problems is that a lot of people around me that have been supporting me for so long don't get it either. I mean sure, they understand I'm an addict so I'm going to have a different mentality. but a lot of the time I feel like I can't even explain myself the person closest to me, my best friend, girlfriend, future wife. I can't make her understand my thought process.

*sigh* I suppose its partially because of our different worlds. she's born and raised in an upper-middle class area, and I was from lower-middle class. while that doesn't sound like that big of a difference, but somehow her brain works is just so different from mine... ironically she grew up with her parents being alcoholics and her father smoking crack very often. while I grew up with a single mother, who drank quite a bit, but never had a real problem with it in the sense that she could act like a decent human being while hammered.

so I grow up in a "normal", stable, loving home. she comes from violent, alcoholic parents, one of which leaves pretty often for entire weekends for crack binges. yet I become this drug addict who can't keep his life on track, while she ends up in college on track to become a fucking DOCTOR.

W T F?

 

have u ever been diagnosed with a personality disorder? For many years i couldn't understand myself either. Why was I so seasily bored,extrememly impulsive,mood swings,adventure seeking,depressed...after my family sent me to the looney-bin(for drug abuse)I got psychotherapy and discovered i had Borderline personality disorder. and that seemed to explain my thought processes and behaviour

 

Depression is a motherfuck, isn't it? At one point, I actually would get wary of when I was in a good mood, as it usually meant that a particularly bad depression was on its way. Luckily those days are past, but I still get blindsided sometimes.

Nature and nurture man. Some people are raised to be the way they are, some are born that way, and most of us are some weird, freakish combination.

 

word
When I suddenly find myself in a good mood...I get shocked and surprised.And like u said...a little bit wary...I think to myself..where the fuck did this incredibly natural high come from?? Depression is the driving force that plummets me into relapse each and everytime.
depression is a muthafuck

 

funny you say that shit.... my girl is so used to me being depressed that when I'm in a good mood she questions it. like "wtf are you so happy for?" fucking sucks dude.