Depression hit! =/

[Bojangles69]

How weird this thing life is for the first time in my life I have literally no problems. My health is GREAT, I'm making great money now, I'm reestablishing a life for myself and things have been going SOOO GOOD. Things have been going better than they ever have tbo. Well untill I got down to 1.25mg sub and now just a couple days later I wake up balling my brains out over nothing. I've been dropping from 6mg and so far not one single problem with depression. Funny how that can happen. When for the last 6 months or so I have been on cloud 9 & happier than a fly in shit. I feel like I put in the proper work this time and although I'm crying on the *outside* on the inside I'm actually happy... as weird as that must sound. I'm realizing also by the depression that its just not like the depression I had last time. Its more like 1 dark cloud over me but I can still look around and see white clouds over everyone else. Last time when I got this opiate depression it was just much more severe. So you see I guess working on yourself really does have its benefits? I am convinced nothing is stopping me even if the depression gets worse I just don't think its going to be enough this time.

I remember last time I tried coming off opiates I was far more depressed far sooner. I hadn't done ANYTHING ELSE in my life except taper my opiate of choice. Now I'm doing EVERYTHING I CAN along with tapering my opiate. I've also had to make some decisions that in the past I just could have NEVER seen myself making. And you know what the cool thing is? My face has dried up even by the end of my post and I already feel better.

But I just wanted you guys to know that BO cried today. I'm not around like I use to be, and things are really going great, but just because I'm still trying to stop the opiate train this is something we will ALL likely go through in the process. And for me I'm ok with it. Tommorow's another day and I'm sure I'll get right back to where I was. =]

GOOD LUCK FOR ALL THE PEOPLE TRYING TO GET OFF OPIATES. It can take a TON of BULLSHIT to work out the reasons in your head. But I'm telling you once you're mind is truely made up NOTHING in this world can stop you. This experience doesn't worry me at all. It just makes me realize I'm getting closer and closer to feeling human. If I have to cry a few times to get there.... I'm totally ok with that. =]

 

[BananasAndOranges]

I dont even have a counsoler right now at my clinic and its been literally almost three months without one? I really hate the whole thing and as much as it makes me sad it pisses me off as well. I have been going to this place for so long and I get treated with total disrespect. A couple got takehomes Early for christmas and have not even been there for more than a year. They seriously get special treatment and I am so sick of it. I ask for a week off today and speak to the director and I told him I dont want to have to worry about being snowed in and several several hours from the clinic. He seriously didnt give two fucks and asked for my zipcode. The bloody asshole tried telling me I am nearby a clinic and my "story" isnt good. What the fuuck kind of shit is that?! This couple gets to go whenever they ask and he doesnt do this to them. I dont even know how to talk to this asshole either hes Not nice. He literally said after I told him about the drive something like "well I have a cousin in the penitentery in Kentucky" . It offended me so much. I have been harrassed by Every counsoler there almost and even the other director. I get laughed at for having a odd walk due to joints and nerves and just in general. I dont know how to deal with any of this. I was tapering and I stopped because I Lost my counsoler. I dont even want to talk to the director. He obviously doesn't give a shit about my life. I am about to tell him to fuck off and pour a cup of coffee on his face after I find a better clinic. Sorry if I just ruined your thread but its about opiate tapering addiction and emotion right? I thought this would have a place somewhere...

 

[herbavore]

^ Hey bananas, I'm really sorry that you are having so many problems at your current clinic. I hope that you can find one with a counselor that you can work with and that you feel respected by. I think you might want to check out this thread: http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/threads/601872-Talk-about-your-useless-doctor-experiences-here!

Bo, I have to say that every time I read one of your posts lately I just beam! Then, I saw this today and got worried until I read it and now I am smiling from ear to ear again! I am so happy for you. You have fought so hard to change everything from your drug intake to your diet to your attitude and in the process you've gone up, down and all over the place but each time you ended up on more solid ground. What I have loved watching is how you have gone into every change you made with the spirit of adventure. Your enthusiasm is something that should be bottled and sold!

I am sorry to hear that you are feeling a little down but so happy to hear that you have it in perspective. I admire you so much and am so happy that you came back for a little update. Thank you, Bo. You rock.

 

[Sepher]

Bojangles, it don't sound like depression as such, cos you're coming across as really positive that you've made the break and are moving forward. It sounds more like that your emotions are starting to function again, and while you've not been used to feeling them so intensely for how ever long you were on the gear you sound like you're dealing with your renewed emotions and their levels of intensity just fine? I had very similar emotional turbulence for at least the first 6 months after quitting, crying at the drop of a hat, outbursts of real anger, feelings of guilt and remorse for damage done and opportunities wasted and what have you. Almost had me suicidal until I stepped back and saw it for what it was: a mind and body getting used to eachother again and trying to come back into some sort of balance. That's all. Takes time but your body will get there in the end.