ovenbakedskittles
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jul 11, 2014
- Messages
- 517
Hi bluelight!
I have a problem and im pretty sure it has something to do with my drug use. Im not sure what section this should go in but the majority of this thread has to do with psychedelics.
First let me start off by saying i use to be the type of person to never do drugs but i have always been interested in psychedelics and just all drugs in general and how they feel and how they affect people. Im a very curious person. i would read trip reports and just watch videos on youtube about people talking about their experiences with different drugs. I wanted to find out for myself how they feel.
Back in January i tried mdma for the first time and it was great! i tried it several times after that and it was awesome and very interesting to me. But i was still VERY curious about psychedelics and always wanted to try them but they just werent around in my area at the time. Until finally some shrooms came up and i took the oppurtunity right away. i was eager to try them. i consumed about 3 grams. but when i finally did it was not a good experience. I had a terrible time.
About a week after that experience i had to leave home to another state for a few weeks and while i was over there i had tried dxm for the first time but it was a small dose about 180mg or so. Also a bad experience and not all that interesting. Just felt uncomfortable the whole time. Anyways, during the time i was away from home i noticed i would get these weird moments of depression and sadness and i would think about death and religion and how we will all die eventually and how theres no point in living and stuff like that. since i was away from home i thought the depression had to do with homesickness or something...
When i returned home i had tried shrooms again thinking i would have a better experience this time seeing as how the first time i tried em i had taken too much for someones first time and havent eaten anything all day and i was by myself at night outside the rec center across the street from my house because i could not go home without my mom knowing somethings up. Anyways, when i tried them a second time i consumed about half an eighth and i had a better time.
About a week after that second shroom trip i noticed those weird moments again. Only this time they were somewhat worse and i would not only think about death and religion but also the fact that everything in the universe is made up of smaller things like atoms and cells and stuff. And this thought made me depressed as well.
It has been 4 weeks and 2 days since that second shroom trip and i have gotten over that "everythings made up of smaller things" thought. BUT those weird moments of depression still occur! They happen everyday around the same time (around sunset either right before or right after sun goes down). And throughout the night i still feel kinda anxious and someone depressed which never happened before. I used to enjoy night. i prefered the nights rather than day. Now i just feel like the night triggers some type of anxiety for me. i still think about death and how theres no point in living and religion and stuff like that. Those thoughts have never been a big deal to me in the past. This just started happening a week or two after the first shroom trip so i suspect the shrooms has something to do with it but i also think that small dose of dxm kinda made it worse possibly? i also think my mdma use plays a part in it too. Even though i have not taken any mdma since June. What do you guys think??? If it is the drugs, will i get better??? Will i return to the way i was before i started doing drugs if i just stay clean for a while???
I must add that i am aware of some psychological problems that i already had before taking drugs. Nothing severe but i do have problems. I am aware that this is an obvious factor in my difficulty with psychedelics and the situation i am in now. But it wasnt like this before. I feel that the drugs made it worse but i wanna hear what you guys think and i wanna know if i will return to my normal self and if these thoughts about death and stuff will seem less significant??? or if these realizations will continue to affect me like this for the rest of my life???
I should also add that these "thoughts" seem to affect me most during that certain part of the day when the sun goes down but throughout the day they still pop in my head. I would get weird moments of depression before i did drugs but they were waaay less severe and they wouldnt bother me as much.
I just wanna know if i will return to that time because i dont wanna be like this the rest of my life. Its not fun! but if you guys feel like thats the situation im in then just be straight out about it and tell me and i will have to deal with that. I know that there is people on this website that have no problem being brutally honest with me and telling me that i will not get better and that these are the consequences i have to deal with. I regret taking drugs in the first place and am thinking about just quitting all drugs!
Thanks for your help and i apologize if this thread is too long.
I have a problem and im pretty sure it has something to do with my drug use. Im not sure what section this should go in but the majority of this thread has to do with psychedelics.
First let me start off by saying i use to be the type of person to never do drugs but i have always been interested in psychedelics and just all drugs in general and how they feel and how they affect people. Im a very curious person. i would read trip reports and just watch videos on youtube about people talking about their experiences with different drugs. I wanted to find out for myself how they feel.
Back in January i tried mdma for the first time and it was great! i tried it several times after that and it was awesome and very interesting to me. But i was still VERY curious about psychedelics and always wanted to try them but they just werent around in my area at the time. Until finally some shrooms came up and i took the oppurtunity right away. i was eager to try them. i consumed about 3 grams. but when i finally did it was not a good experience. I had a terrible time.
About a week after that experience i had to leave home to another state for a few weeks and while i was over there i had tried dxm for the first time but it was a small dose about 180mg or so. Also a bad experience and not all that interesting. Just felt uncomfortable the whole time. Anyways, during the time i was away from home i noticed i would get these weird moments of depression and sadness and i would think about death and religion and how we will all die eventually and how theres no point in living and stuff like that. since i was away from home i thought the depression had to do with homesickness or something...
When i returned home i had tried shrooms again thinking i would have a better experience this time seeing as how the first time i tried em i had taken too much for someones first time and havent eaten anything all day and i was by myself at night outside the rec center across the street from my house because i could not go home without my mom knowing somethings up. Anyways, when i tried them a second time i consumed about half an eighth and i had a better time.
About a week after that second shroom trip i noticed those weird moments again. Only this time they were somewhat worse and i would not only think about death and religion but also the fact that everything in the universe is made up of smaller things like atoms and cells and stuff. And this thought made me depressed as well.
It has been 4 weeks and 2 days since that second shroom trip and i have gotten over that "everythings made up of smaller things" thought. BUT those weird moments of depression still occur! They happen everyday around the same time (around sunset either right before or right after sun goes down). And throughout the night i still feel kinda anxious and someone depressed which never happened before. I used to enjoy night. i prefered the nights rather than day. Now i just feel like the night triggers some type of anxiety for me. i still think about death and how theres no point in living and religion and stuff like that. Those thoughts have never been a big deal to me in the past. This just started happening a week or two after the first shroom trip so i suspect the shrooms has something to do with it but i also think that small dose of dxm kinda made it worse possibly? i also think my mdma use plays a part in it too. Even though i have not taken any mdma since June. What do you guys think??? If it is the drugs, will i get better??? Will i return to the way i was before i started doing drugs if i just stay clean for a while???
I must add that i am aware of some psychological problems that i already had before taking drugs. Nothing severe but i do have problems. I am aware that this is an obvious factor in my difficulty with psychedelics and the situation i am in now. But it wasnt like this before. I feel that the drugs made it worse but i wanna hear what you guys think and i wanna know if i will return to my normal self and if these thoughts about death and stuff will seem less significant??? or if these realizations will continue to affect me like this for the rest of my life???
I should also add that these "thoughts" seem to affect me most during that certain part of the day when the sun goes down but throughout the day they still pop in my head. I would get weird moments of depression before i did drugs but they were waaay less severe and they wouldnt bother me as much.
I just wanna know if i will return to that time because i dont wanna be like this the rest of my life. Its not fun! but if you guys feel like thats the situation im in then just be straight out about it and tell me and i will have to deal with that. I know that there is people on this website that have no problem being brutally honest with me and telling me that i will not get better and that these are the consequences i have to deal with. I regret taking drugs in the first place and am thinking about just quitting all drugs!
Thanks for your help and i apologize if this thread is too long.