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Depressed people using drugs to cope

R

Rambo!12

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 23, 2016
Messages
74
Location
Los Angeles
I am making this thread because I am seeing an increased amount of people that are taking substances, myself included, to be happy. They convince themselves they are doing it because they have to. Another big one is they do it to fill their free time.

My thoughts on this topic: I am going to switch that "They" to "I" I didn't just edit it because thats a big issue for me. I always categorize myself and never put the full blame on myself. I use it as a sort of scapegoat. Using they puts you into a category of people and well Im not the only one so fuck it. I started using about 7 years ago and got addicted to everything and anything that was put in front of me. My recent overdose, I posted that story, titled "Overdosed, hospitalized, from first usage," made me rethink things.

I was never depressed, I was always social, I was always motivated, and I always had real friends. I realized that I do not have a single thing to be depressed about. I have a good job and a good family. The only problems I ever have are because of drugs. I lost friends, girlfriends, some family members, trust, law trouble, car accidents, and almost died. Yet, I find myself never blaming me nor the drug for the problem. I use it as an excuse to use again. My friend wants me out because of drug us and I throw a cry party for myself and go on a binge. I get a DUI and I blame the cop. I do terrible at school and blame to teacher. NOOOOOOOOOO IT IS MY FUCKING FAULT.

I think it is time for myself and people like me to realize that they do not need a drug to be happy. In fact it is doing the opposite and we are digging ourselves our own grave. My happy pill, whatever it may be for you, is only a short term solution. I avoid fixing I problems by using. I avoid having to deal with life by using. I strip myself of a full life and reaching my potential because of my usage. It is selfish and cowardly. Im 23 years old, Im past the excuse of doing it because of peer pressure or because everyone else is doing it. No, just the people I chose to be around did it and they all love the drug more than me. I love the drug more than them. It is sad and I am sick of it controlling me. Im not saying I won't use again, I don't know if I will or not, nobody does. I will take responsibility for my actionsjand I will be truely happy. Fuck this needing something to be happy, thats bullshit. Things I used to love, I could care less about. People I used to love have been replaced with the good ole DOC. I found myself taking xanax to have fun skydiving.......are you fuckin kidding me? I need to take a substance to have fun SKY DIVING. After we got off the plane we had some drinks. Everyone was good except me who was billigerant, making a fool of myself in front of my family, and blacked out and now I can't even remember fucking skydiving. Ridiculous and needs to stop. now.

I would like to know if anyone has similar experiences or uses for that reason to share. Input anything you feel like getting off your chest, your hopes of quitting, how it has affected you etc. I encourage you all to look at your life from beginning to end and try to pinpoint when you felt depressed and see if it is related to your drug use.
 
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I think many or most people use drugs as an escape for problems. But they only help for a short while and make things worse once sober.

I also think many teens have some social anxiety while transitioning to adulthood and turn to drugs because they make you feel good for a little while and most have a bulletproof mentality where they don't think they will be damaged by it.

The best thing I have ever experienced and been the most happy is when I exercised intensely almost every day and wasn't taking drugs. It gets your brain to a better place and more chemically balanced. It also gets you in better shape and you can see yourself physically get in shape and look better which is great for self esteem. Exercise can be painful at first because your body isn't used to it especially if you don't start easy. But once your body gets used to it after a couple months, the burning muscles from more intense exercise actually starts to feel good. Probably because of the rush of endorphins and adrenaline. I much prefer to get high naturally which is also actually healthy, assuming you are physically able.

It's good that you recognize drugs make things worse.
 
Hey Rambo,
I totally agree. I can't do a damn thing wo being high. I take Etizolam for anxiety and Kratom for depression. Smoke some herb. The ONLY thing drugs haven't completely fucking destroyed is my relationship with my soon to be Freshman ( High School ) son, Been reading your posts and enjoying them. You seem wise for your age,
 
Crack'r said:
I think many or most people use drugs as an escape for problems. But they only help for a short while and make things worse once sober.

I also think many teens have some social anxiety while transitioning to adulthood and turn to drugs because they make you feel good for a little while and most have a bulletproof mentality where they don't think they will be damaged by it.

The best thing I have ever experienced and been the most happy is when I exercised intensely almost every day and wasn't taking drugs. It gets your brain to a better place and more chemically balanced. It also gets you in better shape and you can see yourself physically get in shape and look better which is great for self esteem. Exercise can be painful at first because your body isn't used to it especially if you don't start easy. But once your body gets used to it after a couple months, the burning muscles from more intense exercise actually starts to feel good. Probably because of the rush of endorphins and adrenaline. I much prefer to get high naturally which is also actually healthy, assuming you are physically able.

It's good that you recognize drugs make things worse.
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I agree with you that most people use it to escape problems, it creates more problems because there are consequences to when you avoid problems.

Social anxiety is huge, that one got me. I only fell confident holding a conversation when I was drunk or high. The other problem besides obvious addiction is that I did not want to talk to anyone because I didn't want anyone to know I was drunk or high. Doesn't make sense. Totally agree on not being damaged by it too, I felt invincible no matter how many stories of horror I was told by people who did the same things or whatever I read here, I would always think," that can't happen to me." and then boom dead for 15 minutes.

Im agreeing with you again for the third section haha Same here working out is a life saver getting of drugs. I also like backpacking camping get away from my supplier and when I am out their I feel no need for a drug. Its the one thing I still care about. Yeah after a binge I hate looking at myself and hate going into the gym because I feel like a freak. I doubt anyone cares, but I just feel paranoid. Once I get going though for a while I feel so much better and people say wow you look great! It really does make you feel better and raise confidence levels. Thanks for your input very good insight and advice!
 
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Oh what up eye dew. Isn't that nuts how we do that? Like I would make plans to get dope and if the dope didn't come through I would cancel the plans....like what? you can't to Six Flags and have fun without a gram? It unreal to me. Hope your son is doing well and this is a big year for him, he really needs his pops!! Freshman years rough on him and in return its gonna be rough on you. He's gonna do things you wanna smack him up the head for. Just a hint of advice, it is gonna cause you more and more anxiety....since he is going to go out with friends on his own now. I know how stressful it can be for parents. Hopefully, your boy isn't as nuts as I was hahah so just wanted to say be careful with the anxiety pills cause you will experience a lot of it throughout highschool and college. Doesn't seem like your overdoing it too much and have your priorities in order. The secret to staying sober is having a reason to stay sober. Make your son that reason and you won't touch it again, Ive seen it in rehab programs time and time again. Put your son first like I know you are doing, and thats all you need. A roof, food, and family. Thank you for the complement, I am glad you are getting something out of them. I am 23 by the way brotha, send me a friend request when you get the chance I dont know how
 
Thanks for that Rambo. Like I said you are very wise. Thanks for taking the time to encourage my son and I. And he's already doing things that make me wanna' smack his head... ha ha. Luckily nothing drug related. I tried sending a friend request. I think you need 25 more posts to be a Bluelighter, then for sure I will.
 
Taking responsibity like you have is crucial.

Personally I've been taking meth for ten years but moreso lately to treat some emotional problems. It works, what can I say?

I can definitely relate.
 
I'm depressed and have been all my life due to a lot of childhood abuse. I'm 63 now. About 3 years ago I developed painful polyneuropathy and got prescribed oxycodone. I'm at a pretty moderate dose but I found finally that when I take my opiates my depression lifted dramatically. I've tried seeing therapists many times over the years. I tried regular antidepressants. Guess what, they didn't work but opiates have saved the day for me. I've been at the same dose for over a year and they still work. I only take them part of the day so I can keep my tolerance low and so part of the day I'm depressed until I take my dose. Sometimes I'll also use Kratom if it's really a hard day. My doc told me that traditionally opiates were the drug of choice for depression in the good ol daze. So I'm perfectly fine using opiates. Without them I'd have hung myself by now. Why? Due to my illness and age I can no longer exercise like a mad dog which is how I survived my depression before opiates. So that's the other side of the coin guys.
 
I did this with alcohol, cannabis, LSD, low doses of dexedrine or adderall, and low doses of pharmaceutical opiates like oxy, hydrocodone, and codeine. I no longer use any drugs now including psychedelic drugs like herb, mushrooms, acid, and I don't drink either.

I'm very lucky that I never became physically addicted or hurt anyone. I don't recommend doing what I did, but it was a learning experience for me, and I don't regret it since you can't change your past, and it's never good to constantly live with regret or in the past.
 
When I was in school, I had a professor tell me it's one thing to get high. But when you find yourself needing to get high to get through everyday life, you have a problem. I didn't really listen to his advice and had decades using something or another regularly. Like Cosmic Trigger, I found opiates to be an effective antidepressant but ultimately I misused them and my life became unraveled.

(I'm going to move this to The Dark Side, mods please move if it's the wrong place.)
 
:| I've shared my story of decades long chronic pain caused by trauma and disease. I've shared that the treatments (surgeries/Lupron) have caused even more problems. Words cannot describe the despair of castration at 32, just to "save" my life. I am forbidden to take hormone replacement therapy, even bio-identical. Menopause at any age is brutal, but try instantaneous surgically induced menopause! Can you say psychotic bitch?

Other than Megace to suppress regrowth of disease, I only had Zoloft/Ativan to get me through it all. They have been life savers for me, with doses steady. Zoloft was increased over a year ago, but I saw no benefit. I continue to take 100 mg per day, not the 150 mg my PM doctor recommended.

My daily pain is suicide-worthy. My despair, as decades roll by, is even more deadly. I suppose the Zoloft "numbs" some of the depression, with few SEs. I'm prescribed Oxycodone IR, but don't see it as a viable option for pain...much less anti-depressant. Sure, I felt the "Oh my God, I'm HEALED...I'm HAPPY!!!" feeling the first couple of doses. I'm no fool. I also felt the rebound pain/agitation/anger when the dose quickly wore off.

So, "no thanks". I confess, however, if I could have that HEALED/HAPPY feeling for whatever life is left...I would take them in a heartbeat.

Instead I'm totally overwhelmed with pain and the deepest sadness. I'm trying some MMJ, but it makes me goofy. Has anyone here tried Trintellex (sic)? It's being advertised as a new AD. I need HELP.

BTW, I just turned 55. I'm disappointed to wake only to face another day of pain and sadness. If not for my husband of 36 years, I would hit the exit.
 
Hi Dixie, I've read a couple of your posts now. Don't mean to sound like I'm teaching you to suck eggs, but given your nightmare situation pain wise, can't they prescribe you something a little longer lasting than oxy? It'd no doubt still have downsides but I agree with you, the real short half life makes it a useless painkiller.

And Zoloft - don't get me started on how horrible that shit made me feel.

Sorry to read of your situation, I hope they can adjust something to make it more bearable. :/
 
:\ Hey Muzda...Thanks for reading. I read your post about the beam breaking and thought "FFS...I've always worried about getting the noose right...Now I have to assess the fucking beam!" Sorry, I have a macabre sense of humor. My husband finds no humor in it.

No problem with suggestions...I welcome them, actually. The Zoloft rescued me from ripping my skin off, literally. It seems to do little for depression, but I fear the ole frying pan into fire scenario. I don't want the SEs of so many ADs. I'm a freak about my physique, so I don't want to gain weight.

LONG STORY I promise I won't bore you with on the pain meds, but...I've trialed Tramadol, Lortab, MS Contin, Fent patches/pops. The lesser didn't help, and the Fent would put me to bed. That's not living, IMO.

I have to keep busy with my work, home and extended family responsibilities. I can't nod out. I AM the Calvary for so many. I'm ready to shoot my trusty white steed, then hide inside the carcass. I just can't do this any more.

As for extended release meds, my altered stomach pouch hinders absorption of certain meds. My PM believes that OxyContin's abuse proofing will prevent absorption in my mutilated GI system. FFS, let me try it at least! He says it won't work and it's too expensive! My GP even did the buccal swab for genetic testing to assess possible pain med options. My jerk off PM doctor is convinced he is the alpha and omega...won't listen to her, to me, or any woman.

I've gone in depth with my posts regarding attempts to find better medical care. I've been to UMMC, UT, and Vanderbilt to name just 3 since 2013. I consulted 1 of few qualified endometriosis surgeons in the U.S. (St. Louis, MO) just this Spring. He felt that my issues are bowel-related and recommended I see a general surgeon. W-H-A-T!??! Of course my pain is bowel-related, you apathetic fuck! I would not allow a general surgeon near me!?!

Adhesions/lesions are choking my bowel and bladder to death. Beyond sad that my cancer surgeon from 1994 retired, then died last year. My GI surgeon has Parkinsons, and was forced to retire in December. The odds are not in my favor. I'm contemplating "sucking" helium at this point...

Again, thanks Muzda. As I said...I'm begging for "better" or forget it!
 
Gawd - what a nightmare! I know what you mean about alpha doctors. One of them removed my mum's pacemaker last year because she 'didn't need it anymore'. Fast forward three months and she dies of a heart attack whilst at the wheel in a spectacular car wreck. Thankfully noone else got injured.

Sounds like you've tried plenty already. Also sounds like you've got your hands full being the lynch pin you clearly are for everyone else in your life. I can't imagine what it must be like painting a smile in those circumstances, you're clearly a strong individual.

I would push for the oxycontin slow release again if you can. As you say, nothing ventured, nothing gained. What about the meds aimed more at neuropathic pain (gabapentin, pregabalin). Maybe they'd help a little.

Zoloft had terrible physical side effects for me, the squits permanently and it made me ache so bad, Made me feel like I would jump out my skin. AD medications have completely different effects on people though.

Hang on in there - who knows, maybe you'll find a more helpful doc eventually. And yeah - check the beam! I really couldn't believe it when I woke up on the floor and saw that. :D
 
Oh, Jeez, Muzda...I'm so sorry about your mom.

Neurontin prevented not only suicide, but potential homicide, when I got SHINGLES in my eye/face. Although the antibody count is not currently acute in my blood work, I suffer daily with damage done to my vision and cranial nerves. I call that the cherry on top of my shit sundae!

I tried Kratom, which had potential for at least numbing the despair. It made constipation worse...no can do without IV fluids round the clock and colon prep meds. FML
 
Thanks, much appreciated. It was a tough time, but all fine now.

Shingles in the EYES??!! you poor thing! That sounds patently awful! Shit sundae and no mistake.

Ah well - feel free to rant at me whenever you like, always happy to lend an ear. :)
 
Cosmic Trigger said:
I'm depressed and have been all my life due to a lot of childhood abuse. I'm 63 now. About 3 years ago I developed painful polyneuropathy and got prescribed oxycodone. I'm at a pretty moderate dose but I found finally that when I take my opiates my depression lifted dramatically. I've tried seeing therapists many times over the years. I tried regular antidepressants. Guess what, they didn't work but opiates have saved the day for me. I've been at the same dose for over a year and they still work. I only take them part of the day so I can keep my tolerance low and so part of the day I'm depressed until I take my dose. Sometimes I'll also use Kratom if it's really a hard day. My doc told me that traditionally opiates were the drug of choice for depression in the good ol daze. So I'm perfectly fine using opiates. Without them I'd have hung myself by now. Why? Due to my illness and age I can no longer exercise like a mad dog which is how I survived my depression before opiates. So that's the other side of the coin guys.
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I believe in using opiates for depression for as long as they work for you. For example, I took an MAOI and that was great, but stopped working after a year. I started ordering Tramadol online back before it became scheduled and I had a couple of great years. I would debate in my head if I should use it as an antidepressant because technically that's not what it's for, but so what? It made me happy and I had a relationship and a lot of fun in my relationship. I eventually had to come off of it especially when they cracked down on the internet sites. I bet so many people were in pain from tramadol withdrawal, but somehow I found out about Kratom many years ago and it saved my life from tramadol withdrawals. Anyway, my point is use whatever makes you feel good. I've noticed the traditional medications don't work or only work for a year or so. If you find something else that makes you feel good, go for it. I can't imagine not using something. I'm not going to be happy without any substance. That's just the way it is. I've always used something whether it was Tramadol, kratom, phenibut, klonopin, etizolam. I just know I'm the type of person who needs a substance for my anxiety and depression. If anyone can be happy without using something, good for you.
 
DixiChik said:
Oh, Jeez, Muzda...I'm so sorry about your mom.

Neurontin prevented not only suicide, but potential homicide, when I got SHINGLES in my eye/face. Although the antibody count is not currently acute in my blood work, I suffer daily with damage done to my vision and cranial nerves. I call that the cherry on top of my shit sundae!

I tried Kratom, which had potential for at least numbing the despair. It made constipation worse...no can do without IV fluids round the clock and colon prep meds. FML
Click to expand...

Yeah, Kratom works like an opiate so it can definitely cause constipation just like any opiate does. Gotta take a laxative or something.
 
I can relate as well... I think the most recent reason why I use, however, is because i don't have a significant other. I've seen friends date horrible people because they want a significant other so bad that they're blind to the fact that their significant other is a horrible person... I, instead, take drugs...

It seems no matter what i do, how hard i work, how nice i am to people, I never move forward in life, or have anyone to share life with (except my friends of course). So, i cope with it by downing prescription after prescription of opiates. And guess what, it works. For the time I have the goodies anyway. After, I have a huge feeling of regret, and the thirst for more. After all, why shouldnt i be happy? If this makes me happy, why is it bad?

But then reality sets in and you realize that true happiness is obtained by hard work and persistance, even if you may have to go through so much more effort than others. My only issue is summoning up the will do actually do this...
 
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