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Depressed after OD

J

JonDoe101

Greenlighter
Joined
Apr 5, 2014
Messages
10
I don't normally post on any drug-forums or even create accounts on them, but I feel that I need the support and advice from a community which is more relatable to my current situation rather than the people I see in my current environment.

Last Tuesday I overdosed on Dramamine. It was the scariest, most unpleasant, and most life changing experience of my life, as well as the strongest I had ever been effected by a drug to the point that I question my existence and reality and still question it ever since. I almost died that night.
Now I feel incredibly sad, depressed, pointless and without purpose. I have no interest in absolutely anything. I do not really want to be social, I have gotten tons of messages and things on social media (I have not and am not going to tell anyone I was hospitalized) but do not want to check it purposefully, but do not mind being around my parents since they have been somewhat supportive yet as scared as I was at times. I pretend I cannot remember the night at the hospital so as to try to make the experience go away. I start crying or tearing at night, varying from long episodes to short lived tears. I have been saying I am having bad chest pains from the event so as not to go to school when these pains are actually horrible gas pains I have from an unrelated stomach virus I am recovering from, until today when my doctor confirmed all my pain is from my stomach virus which definitely will fade over the weekend. I have no idea and no motivation to return to real life on Monday. I have not slept at all since Wednesday, and instead spend my nights reading very random articles about things like hospitals or fema and what not and then I become upset with our healthcare system or economy. I begin to feel very dissatisfied with the world, and am worrying about things like taxes, income, social security and what not when I have not even gone to college yet, but I definitely am not suicidal death is definitely my biggest fear which has amplified since the OD. I feel like an old man, very slow and weak and for some reason I always feel sad and melancholy and don't really laugh too much anymore. I just have no interests anymore and am also now strongly scared of all drugs and won't even take Motrin now but I do take Tylenol for pain sometimes. There is one person I have developed intense love for and that is my dog probably because he somehow has been so supportive for me recently. For some reason I have been craving an iv drip and a nasal cannula, probably because it made me feel so much better when at the hospital, and I always just feel sick recently. I just do not know what to do. My parents know some of these things like my chest pains and that I haven't slept. I just do not know how to carry on.
I am a little weak when it comes to depression. For example every time I break up with a girlfriend or even stop seeing someone whom I am not even in a steady relationship with I get very sad and depressed and feel some of the above, so I do think it will fade.
I really put a lot of my energy into writing this and tried to make it sound as cheery as possible. I am sorry it seems like I am spewing symptoms on a page to get attention but that's really what I am feeling and horribly needed to tell someone and get it out. There really is no one I can talk to because my parents just say it's passed and get mad at me because it was my stupidity, which they are partly right, my doctor just brushed it off and didn't think much of it and if I were to tell anyone at my school I could be outcasted for doing a more hard drug, and if discovered kicked out. My school has a zero tolerance for substance abuse unless you join a rehab program which I do not want to for one experience.
 
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Is there something that happened that made you take an overdose? You must have felt terrible to take all those pills. I understand maybe your parents don't want to discuss this, not because you did this to be stupid but because you were hurting. Let's talk about this more here.
 
I feel like that just about all the time, it gets unbearable sometimes. Being sober at times feels like being stuck in a bad trip.
 
T. Calderone said:
Is there something that happened that made you take an overdose? You must have felt terrible to take all those pills. I understand maybe your parents don't want to discuss this, not because you did this to be stupid but because you were hurting. Let's talk about this more here.
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I was a semi regular cannabis user so having no cannabis and with spring break over and some stress about new work loads at my school I looked to another familiar high which I had ok experiences with before.
 
plmar said:
I feel like that just about all the time, it gets unbearable sometimes. Being sober at times feels like being stuck in a bad trip.
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I felt like that literally right until I had the bad trip. It was probably the whole reason I did it. I don't know if this has potentially stopped me from more dangerous substance abuse but all I know is for once I actually want to feel sober for a while and feel pretty deterred from anything with dangerous side effects.
 
JonDoe101 said:
I felt like that literally right until I had the bad trip. It was probably the whole reason I did it. I don't know if this has potentially stopped me from more dangerous substance abuse but all I know is for once I actually want to feel sober for a while and feel pretty deterred from anything with dangerous side effects.
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Did you OD trying to get high, or to harm yourself? It seems like the former. Having no experience with an anticholinergic trip, I can't comment on that.

But coming close to dying, whether by your own hand (even if not on purpose), an illness, or someone else (car accident, ect) has the ability to mess with the normal psychological functioning of people. If you already see yourself as particularly sensitive to depressed thoughts, it could just be a temporary thing that you'll feel about over time. There is always the possibility that this experience provoked some form of PTSD, but that's for a Dr. to decide.
 
Hey JohnDoe,
This sounds very familiar to me. How old are you? Around 17/18? I had the same thing happen to me around that age except I abused amphetamines and after the 3rd night of not sleeping (or it was the robotripping, I dont remember at this point), I felt my brain "break" the next day. I felt all of the symptoms you did. Lost interest in all my hobbies, didint want to be social, the world depressed me (and still does), I became depersonalized, my mood was flat, not happy, not sad, just flat, I really worried that I broke myself so that I would never feel normal again and what really made me want to reply is the fact you said you felt like an old man. Old, tired with no will to fight. I think I know exactly what you mean.

That being said, I wish I had somthing better to tell you, but you just need to give it sober time. After this happened to me, I never wanted to do ampthetamines and dex again. And I didint (or I started amphetamines much later, like years later) and after about 4/5 months I was back to normal.

Hope this gives you hope! Stay strong man and dont try to fix it with other recreational drugs, you will only do more damage. (You may want to check into anti-depressants, venlaxafine was/is good for me.)
 
lolwhatzdrugs said:
Did you OD trying to get high, or to harm yourself? It seems like the former. Having no experience with an anticholinergic trip, I can't comment on that.

But coming close to dying, whether by your own hand (even if not on purpose), an illness, or someone else (car accident, ect) has the ability to mess with the normal psychological functioning of people. If you already see yourself as particularly sensitive to depressed thoughts, it could just be a temporary thing that you'll feel about over time. There is always the possibility that this experience provoked some form of PTSD, but that's for a Dr. to decide.
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No I definately did not intend to harm myself. As i said I have some experience with dramamine only at a slightly smaller dose and never had to be hospitalized (then again 2 very anti-drug parents didn't catch me those times) though I a am glad I was hospitalized because I really was not enjoying it, andof course this time I was told that if I didn't go to the hospital I ran the risk of cardiac arrest, when I told them I took 12, so basically new I could have died at the dose I took. For some reason I can't remember why I don't enjoy dramamine and can only remember the intense hallucinations, which is probably why I wasn't scared to try, although now I do have a much stronger deterrent from ever trying it again. I'm still holding off on professional help as it may be an overtime thing that just comes with the thought of dying.
 
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ExInMil said:
Hey JohnDoe,
This sounds very familiar to me. How old are you? Around 17/18? I had the same thing happen to me around that age except I abused amphetamines and after the 3rd night of not sleeping (or it was the robotripping, I dont remember at this point), I felt my brain "break" the next day. I felt all of the symptoms you did. Lost interest in all my hobbies, didint want to be social, the world depressed me (and still does), I became depersonalized, my mood was flat, not happy, not sad, just flat, I really worried that I broke myself so that I would never feel normal again and what really made me want to reply is the fact you said you felt like an old man. Old, tired with no will to fight. I think I know exactly what you mean.

That being said, I wish I had somthing better to tell you, but you just need to give it sober time. After this happened to me, I never wanted to do ampthetamines and dex again. And I didint (or I started amphetamines much later, like years later) and after about 4/5 months I was back to normal.

Hope this gives you hope! Stay strong man and dont try to fix it with other recreational drugs, you will only do more damage. (You may want to check into anti-depressants, venlaxafine was/is good for me.)
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Ya I am going to take a break from all drugs for a while, even cannabis. Sober time seems like the only cure currently so ill just keep seeing how things go for the next few days and wether I should press for some more professional help. But honesty as I said above after finally getting a good nights sleep my mind seems to not be worrying as much about a lot of the stuff I was a few days ago. It's amazing how a little sleep can be the best anti-depressant.
 
Its funny how NO sleep is a great anti-depressant.

Bunch of studies show that sleep deprivation greatly alleviates depression.

Oh and you said next few days?

You may want to give it a lot more time than that.... but as for seeking professional help, I think you may want to do that anyway seeing as drug abuse tends to be a symptom of something else....
 
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ExInMil said:
Its funny how NO sleep is a great anti-depressant.

Bunch of studies show that sleep deprivation greatly alleviates depression.

Oh and you said next few days?

You may want to give it a lot more time than that.... but as for seeking professional help, I think you may want to do that anyway seeing as drug abuse tends to be a symptom of something else....
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Ya I think I am just gonna give it time. I also am not sure how to go about getting professional help though.
 
In my city there is a public mental health hospital, which referred me to a local mental health clinic that had a sliding fee scale, meaning the less money you make, the less you pay. They provide a great service and helped me out immensely.

Perhaps your city, or one near you, has something similar....
 
Well I've been just trying to move on and continue life as usual, which is going forward but is feeling pretty rough. A lot of the symptoms I listed in the first page seemingly subsided, and I am getting good sleep and food. It's just hard though to return to my school and look at everyone's face the same, none of them know.
I've kind of lost interest in athletics, academics and my social life, and come home early. The only thing I really like is sleep. It's a good thing I have a lot of close friends who are around me whether I like it or not, because I am literally making zero effort to even talk to people. Ill see how it goes and I'm gonna try to push myself to be more social and friendlier.
 
No worries, my IQ is actually up 9 points since my last od..

You need to enjoy life now, don't worry about other people, they only give a **** about themselves anyway.

take care
 
I'm back. I am glad to report life goes on.
It's been a few weeks and I made a bunch of decisions to improve my life. For instance I do not touch any medication or drugs except for the ones I need like vitamins and allergy medications. It's very convenient my former dealer all of a sudden decided he wasn't making enough money from me and no longer responds to any of my texts, and all my friends are either dry or quit doing anything. I have gotten drunk once since but it was with close friends and I had a lot of fun and did not regret it or do anything stupid or harmful, but I want to be honest to myself and admit I did. I also hang out with my friends a lot and am having a pretty good time except they get on my nerves more than usual and we fight a bit but we are still pretty close. I don't have friends that I could probably turn to and tell them experience, at least not tell them yet since it happened pretty recently, but then again I don't look for that too much in a friend, and they can be there for me when I need them. I am doing ok in school and am going back to normal but still feel a little over stressed. I just don't feel as confident or outgoing recently ever since but then again I don't really need to be, since most things in my life are ok.
Anyone who has OD'd on dram (at least read some erowid reports) will say it will make you cynical or question things long after. It's unfortunate to say I feel the same but am still living ok. Most of the symptoms I had are long gone and stress and depression I might feel these days if I do is likely caused by other things in my life. It's sad because I cannot recall any reason why I didn't enjoy the trip but I have to force myself to think it was terrible, but I certainly don't want to do it again. It's a coincidence I was taking the standard dose of some zzz quil for a while on Sunday nights which one night gave me a horrible strange feeling about how dramamine felt without the loss of memory part so at least now I remember how uncomfortable it was to sleep and lay still. I now drink herbal tea to go to sleep when I'm not tired,
I am still gonna try to get some help soon, probably over the summer when I have a lot of free time to relax and meditate and reflect, just because I feel things haven't really been the same since but don't feel so bad.
Things did turn out ok, they could be better, then again they could be worse, so as for this it seems this hump in my life is over but left a pretty big effect. I want to stay in bluelight to offer my advice to people and contribute to the great community which honestly though I wasn't to active really helped me out when I had no one to turn to. So I just wanted to conclude this to not leave it blank, and wanted to thank the people who read my story and also to those who replied.
 
JonDoe101 said:
Ya I think I am just gonna give it time. I also am not sure how to go about getting professional help though.
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If your parents have insurance, tell them you need to talk to someone about the hospitalization - they will probably be glad to help you find a therapist.
 
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