• CD Moderators: nepalnt21
  • Cannabis Discussion Welcome Guest
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules

Depersonalization

Y

yourcoffinormine

Greenlighter
Joined
Feb 3, 2011
Messages
6
Location
Ontario, Canada
Ever since the first time I have felt any effects after smoking, I have had severe depersonalization and derealization. I feel as if I am looking at my body from above it, and it takes extreme concentration to move any part of my body. I have never had a panic attack otherwise, but I feel like what I experience must be similar to one.

When I talk to my friends, some feel as if they are in a dream state when they get high, but they don't get the anxiety when they feel it like I do. I guess this may have to do with the fact that I am such a naturally inhibited person, when I feel like I am in a dream state, I am so constantly terrified of doing something that I would only do in a dream. I have smoked many many times, and sometimes I enjoy the feeling, and sometimes I do not.

I guess I am just wondering what might be the cause of this and if there is a way I could *train* myself out of feeling like this? Others I talk to seem to usually have relaxing, enjoyable experiences.
 
Control it? Sure, smoke less, or build your tolerance. You won't always feel like that. Try a different strain, sounds like you are smoking "haze" or sativa (lucky you if that's the case) - an indica (kush) would put your ass on the couch. Could be you react differently to the different strains. You should keep a bit of different strains, smoke some of each, and see what does what to you. I'm going to guess that you are still a novice smoker, and you don't smoke often (daily, or every other day). The more you smoke, the better grip you will have on the high as it becomes more usual to you.

It's always going to be mind over matter. The best place for you to search for help is the MEGA Anxiety thread, filled with people with similar stories, or worse, and filled with remedies from medications to herbal OTC to mental processes to help stabilize your mood.
 
weed affects everyone differently and the effects of weed on the same person can change over time. i started started with giggly highs, moved on to the anxiety type highs and right now i feel rather relaxed, sedated and unstimulated when high.

to me the answer is simple. if smoking weed makes you uncomfortable at this time in your life, take a break! i found that just continuing to smoke it will make things worse. take a 2-3 month break and try again. if youre still umcomfortable put it off for another month.

whats the point of taking a drug you ultimately dont enjoy? it doesnt matter if it works for others, YOU have to feel good while doing it. for example in my anxiety high phase, when a joint was going around at a party and everyone was having a good time getting stoned, id still pass it up cause i know it has a different effect on me.
 
IMO, it sounds to me like you're experiencing dissociation, not depersonalization. Dissociation may lead to depersonalization, if experienced too much or too often.

For some of us, the cannabis experience is shamanic in nature and should be treated as nothing less than a profound psychological/spiritual shift in awareness.

Some people say you must keep smoking excessive quantities to go beyond any negative effects. For me, that would entail putting myself into a shaky, sensitive mind state that I just can't afford to linger in for too long.

I've heard that hash is more benign than other forms. It may be exactly what you need. I've just obtained a small quantity of hash myself, and am looking forward to finding out if it is indeed a kinder substance. I get extreme effects from all forms of cannabis (be it Indica or Sativa), so I'm a little skeptical about hash's purportedly softer nature.
 
mecaib said:
IMO, it sounds to me like you're experiencing dissociation, not depersonalization. Dissociation may lead to depersonalization, if experienced too much or too often.

For some of us, the cannabis experience is shamanic in nature and should be treated as nothing less than a profound psychological/spiritual shift in awareness.

Some people say you must keep smoking excessive quantities to go beyond any negative effects. For me, that would entail putting myself into a shaky, sensitive mind state that I just can't afford to linger in for too long.

I've heard that hash is more benign than other forms. It may be exactly what you need. I've just obtained a small quantity of hash myself, and am looking forward to finding out if it is indeed a kinder substance. I get extreme effects from all forms of cannabis (be it Indica or Sativa), so I'm a little skeptical about hash's purportedly softer nature.
Click to expand...

Agreed, dissociation seems more fitting from the OP's description.
 
Just explore whatever effects come and glean from it what you can with an open mind.

And I dig your name, thats one of my favorite songs to play on the guitar.
 
Thanks for all the replies, and yes, it seems to me like I mean dissociation rather than depersonalization. I guess I should have elaborated in my original post. At this point, it's probably been over a year since I have smoked, but I had been considering trying it again, and wanted to get some input. I used to smoke about 2 or 3 times a week and slowly tapered off. I guess each time I was always hoping that I would have a more pleasant experience than the last. I'll head off to take a look around at the anxiety thread.

Thanks ganja, love that song =)
 
You might also want to try plain shade leaves, if you can find any. Leaf shake is probably the easiest way to take cannabis if you are sensitive. Even eaten, it's a smooth, pleasant high that doesn't get carried away. If I had shade leaves, I would smoke them instead of this Chem Dawg I have....
 
Search around on Cannabis discussion and in the Darkside forums on here, I've seen people discuss this topic before.

Did you ever have disassociation before while you were sober? Or just while you were on drugs? It's quite a normal side effect for some drugs as derealization and depersonalization can be too.
 
Weed's different for everyone, maybe it's just not the drug for you. Or maybe try some different varieties.

I know the feeling you're talking about, I get it too sometimes, but it's not half as bad when I eat weed rather than smoke it, maybe that would work for you too.
 
Also, I am now just thinking of things I should have put in my original post. When I smoked the most often, I was in high school, and smoked at school, before class, which might have added to my paranoia and feelings of anxiety.

I don't know what strains I was smoking either, that's not something that was ever discussed really, the pot was just on a scale of pretty fucking awesome to pretty shitty, and it's not something I really thought about until I came to this site.

One of the times I ate pot brownies I had an amazing experience, and I felt high in the way that I only assumed could be like a *normal* person's high, it was great. My friends seem to think it was *normal* or at least similar to what they experienced, as well. I have eaten it a few more times since and have not been able to re-create that kind of experience, unfortunately.
 
When I was in highschool a dermatologist put me on minocycline which caused severe derealization/depersonalization. Shit fucked up my hs experience.... That and dilaudid/ecstasy/weed/acid. I honestly think I may have been more inclined to take drugs I would have been more cautious about because of the depersonalization effects of minocyclne.

Yea off topic, but if thats what weed does to you man take a fatty t-break. I've been smoking since I was 13 but have gone up to and exceeding 6 months without smoking at a time. The longest I have gone every day toking was 18, that was every single day at least an 1/8th at a time because I had started harvesting my own crops. I can tell you that was one of the most comfortable and detached times of my life but looking back there was a lot I would have rather been doing, or at least could have used the weed in a more positive way.. I just sat on my ass and toked back rough each day. Got incredibly lazy, aside from riding bikes I wasn't doing shit and without that hobby I would have gotten fat as fuck.

If I felt depersonalized when I smoked I wouldn't cuz I know that shit sucks ass. My advice; take a year off of toking and define yourself through experience. Go back to the herb when you are in a healthy place.

EDIT: Also as far as strains which I know from experience would not cause this (or at least wouldn't for me) FLO and BLUEBERRY. Both very light yet stoney strains. The FLO is considered the working mans strain, a good sample will get you high as fuck yet you will not be impaired/stoney. Blueberry is more relaxed and sedative yet at the same time not as boggy as some of the heavier indicas. If you really want to keep toking and your "depersonalization" is not interfering with work or school, start growing your own man! Adds a lot to the experience of smoking watching the drug grow from seed to crop, like you have a relationship with the plant.

Also what made you think you have depersonalization? Did you read the symptoms on wiki and self diagnose? If so you probably dont and are probably just getting too high. Seriously don't be a hypochondriac, I've never heard of weed causing depersonalization before.
 
Last edited:
ive grown up in a somewhat depersonalized state. Smoking weed sometimes increased the feelings of dissociation from social interaction, but I actually found comfort in the distance from people, or more particularly the feeling of "fuck it i dont give half a shit that im that one stoned awkward guy" so for me it was a haven from the social anxiety, something to hide behind. Not exactly what you want to hear, but thats how it was for me.
 
ganja god said:
ive grown up in a somewhat depersonalized state. Smoking weed sometimes increased the feelings of dissociation from social interaction, but I actually found comfort in the distance from people, or more particularly the feeling of "fuck it i dont give half a shit that im that one stoned awkward guy" so for me it was a haven from the social anxiety, something to hide behind. Not exactly what you want to hear, but thats how it was for me.
Click to expand...

Same here, Really bad social anixety. I smoke by myself to cover it up.

I want to take care of it. But I dont know how. I cant see a doc.
 
You know how you take care of it? Facing awkward social situations fearlessly regardless of how you feel.
 
i used to have severe anxiety when i smoked weed. especially if i smoked in any sort of social situation. what helped me the most was trying to be more out going or out spoken in general and mescaline and mushroom trips helped me deal with the underlying causes of my social anxiety.

but even when weed killed me during social situations, i still loved the high and would mostly do it by myself when i had no other commitments.

to me it sounds like you may have conditioned some of that anxiety to be associated in your mind with smoking weed due to what would happen when you were smoking at school. like what you originally said, you do need training, or at the very least an unlearning of this anxious response associated with cannabis.

cannabis itself is wonderful. unfortunately a side effect of it being able to aid you in opening your mind up is that your mind is now open to receive both positive and negative experience on an even deeper level.

if it doesn't feel good to smoke then don't. i took off from smoking weed for 7 years while my psyche healed and adjusted to the unresolved conflicts and emotional scars that came to light due to marijuana use in the first place. but now when i smoke, i always enjoy it. i can smoke by myself or in social situations and i can have a blast either way.

i can't tell you exactly how to get through this or what exactly it will take, but it can be gotten through; i am living proof. it will mostly take you having a true inspection of yourself to get to the bottom of it. it may not be easy but it will be so worth it.
 
QuasiModo said:
You know how you take care of it? Facing awkward social situations fearlessly regardless of how you feel.
Click to expand...

It is very difficult for me to address my fear of facing awkward social situations. I am in my last week of tapering from xanax, and am not sure if that could be the reason why I get anxiety in addition to the fear when faced with social situations. Sometimes I get so much anxiety that I get locked for words and have difficulty finding things to talk about with others. I am quitting xanax because I cannot use it as a crutch anymore because all that is doing is masking my fears. Then when I don't have it, my fears will return again. A quick fix solution. I would like to know if you have any advice or techniques that would help with socializing.

I used to be an extrovert when I was younger. It wasn't until the past three years where I have become a lot more introverted and do not want to escape my comfort zone. And I am trying really hard to embrace the change because this change is necessary if I want to live a happy life. Any feedback is greatly appreciated.
 
hinowear said:
It is very difficult for me to address my fear of facing awkward social situations. I am in my last week of tapering from xanax, and am not sure if that could be the reason why I get anxiety in addition to the fear when faced with social situations. Sometimes I get so much anxiety that I get locked for words and have difficulty finding things to talk about with others. I am quitting xanax because I cannot use it as a crutch anymore because all that is doing is masking my fears. Then when I don't have it, my fears will return again. A quick fix solution. I would like to know if you have any advice or techniques that would help with socializing.

I used to be an extrovert when I was younger. It wasn't until the past three years where I have become a lot more introverted and do not want to escape my comfort zone. And I am trying really hard to embrace the change because this change is necessary if I want to live a happy life. Any feedback is greatly appreciated.
Click to expand...

I have dealt with social anxiety and have even been in that place of being lost for words. I know its pretty awful. If you are smoking weed I recommend meditation and music while high as well as serious introspection, but leave all of these activities for when you are alone. When with others remain sober and say what comes to mind. If you have nothing to say, relax, there is nothing wrong with saying nothing at all. Like Abraham Lincoln said better to close your mouth and be thought a fool than to open and remove all doubt, or something like that.

The best thing you can do is force yourself to engage in social contact every single day. Every day go for a walk in the park, approach someone, say your name and make a statement. If you do this consistently enough conversation will unfold. Find things to talk and think about other than yourself... Constant self examination with lack of social interaction can lead to delusions about yourself. Think positively, it can be difficult to break a negative cycle of thought. Remember it is through will of mind alone that you bring yourself through experience.
 
QuasiModo said:
I recommend meditation and music while high as well as serious introspection, but leave all of these activities for when you are alone.
Click to expand...

I cannot stress what good advice this is. Mediation made me who I am. It probably will do the same for you.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top