deldone
Greenlighter
Hi BLers,
Firstly I would like to apologize as this obviously is a vent/rant thread - I am sincerely thankful to the ones that is willing to take their time to read this - I would really appreciate it for anyone to share their thoughts or opinions on this - I really NEED a diff point of view on my situation; greatly appreciated.
I'll just start by saying I am constantly wondering what will cause others/ esp family members to define you as a 'junkie' - is it the frequency of use? the lengths that you will go to score? the amount of $ that your spending on drugs or the lengths that you will go just to keep using 'it'?
To me personally as long as I don't steal from others/ family members, I don't rob others, the money I spend on drugs is through honest work, I don't see my choice of indulging in my DOC once in a while to be a problem. I understand that it is hard for others esp family members to understand if you happen to be taking any drugs at all - regardless if it is a soft or hard drug. But is it too much to ask for if I hope that they can understand that I AM a grown up, and I am fully aware of my own limits in regards to drug use and be reasonably clear to know when I am overboard and when I should slow down?
Now I won't get started as to the reason I started resorting to drugs in the first place - long story short once I get to know what drugs can offer me, I feel contented and satisfied, its like something that fills the void that I have in my life all these years growing up. Although I grew up from a rather strict family, I have the utmost respect for my family members esp my parents - but unfortunately that is not the way they see it.
To this day the way I see myself; I am not addicted to drugs at all. I only take it as a tool to escape all the stresses and BS that I have to go through and at the same time helping me to numb my negative feelings/ emotions from the problems that I am facing. I know this is not a permanent solution, but as for now it still is the only thing that provides me comfort; it is like something that can make my problems vanish instantly - even though it is only for a short time.
To be honest, at times I am very touched by the lengths that my family will go through just to hinder me from scoring the proper stuff - but I hope that they can understand that I am a grown up already and I am responsible for my actions. To the ones that wonder - my family has been getting in touch to all my possible scoring channels, resulting them to either denying to supply me, or to provide me totally inactive substances. Now all this is only pushing me to score something decent no matter what, not only because I want to use them, but to prove that I can still score something off the street. This is probably something my family won't understand - for someone to be completely free from drugs; it is something that MUST come from within that person. 'You can't change someone unless they are willing to change'.
I would like to see how other BLers have to say about my situation - is my family doing the right thing by isolating me from all my friends, (I am lonely all the time because of this) and all possible connections for me to score - OR is it that I am too blind to see what is really happening around me and that I am truly addicted to drugs therefore is finding any excuse to deny it?
Firstly I would like to apologize as this obviously is a vent/rant thread - I am sincerely thankful to the ones that is willing to take their time to read this - I would really appreciate it for anyone to share their thoughts or opinions on this - I really NEED a diff point of view on my situation; greatly appreciated.
I'll just start by saying I am constantly wondering what will cause others/ esp family members to define you as a 'junkie' - is it the frequency of use? the lengths that you will go to score? the amount of $ that your spending on drugs or the lengths that you will go just to keep using 'it'?
To me personally as long as I don't steal from others/ family members, I don't rob others, the money I spend on drugs is through honest work, I don't see my choice of indulging in my DOC once in a while to be a problem. I understand that it is hard for others esp family members to understand if you happen to be taking any drugs at all - regardless if it is a soft or hard drug. But is it too much to ask for if I hope that they can understand that I AM a grown up, and I am fully aware of my own limits in regards to drug use and be reasonably clear to know when I am overboard and when I should slow down?
Now I won't get started as to the reason I started resorting to drugs in the first place - long story short once I get to know what drugs can offer me, I feel contented and satisfied, its like something that fills the void that I have in my life all these years growing up. Although I grew up from a rather strict family, I have the utmost respect for my family members esp my parents - but unfortunately that is not the way they see it.
To this day the way I see myself; I am not addicted to drugs at all. I only take it as a tool to escape all the stresses and BS that I have to go through and at the same time helping me to numb my negative feelings/ emotions from the problems that I am facing. I know this is not a permanent solution, but as for now it still is the only thing that provides me comfort; it is like something that can make my problems vanish instantly - even though it is only for a short time.
To be honest, at times I am very touched by the lengths that my family will go through just to hinder me from scoring the proper stuff - but I hope that they can understand that I am a grown up already and I am responsible for my actions. To the ones that wonder - my family has been getting in touch to all my possible scoring channels, resulting them to either denying to supply me, or to provide me totally inactive substances. Now all this is only pushing me to score something decent no matter what, not only because I want to use them, but to prove that I can still score something off the street. This is probably something my family won't understand - for someone to be completely free from drugs; it is something that MUST come from within that person. 'You can't change someone unless they are willing to change'.
I would like to see how other BLers have to say about my situation - is my family doing the right thing by isolating me from all my friends, (I am lonely all the time because of this) and all possible connections for me to score - OR is it that I am too blind to see what is really happening around me and that I am truly addicted to drugs therefore is finding any excuse to deny it?