honestlyOK
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Nov 3, 2016
- Messages
- 5
I don't know what the fuck's going on with me, I thought I could get by using twice a week. My opiate addiction (pills) was getting out of control and I couldn't keep up my supply so I tried dropping down to using just once a week, using kratom as a substitute so I don't go into withdrawal, but ever since it's like I can't go a day without kratom or else I'm feeling withdrawal. I've been using it for a while to motivate me and be productive during the day but never more than once every other day. Now it's like all of my dependency is crashing down on my head, like trying to chill out has somehow made it dig in deeper and intensify. I'm really fucking stressed from life stuff too, but it can't be just that - it's not like I've got cravings really, but my body and mind just feel wrong, deprived, and I'm so on edge. And the kratom calms it. I don't know what to do because I hear people talking about how they can maintain a steady dose of kratom without getting a tolerance but it's not like that for me, I have to keep upping my dose to get the same effects. And I don't know why, I don't know if it's partly just in my head or if it's because I'm using pills with the kratom too or what. To top it off I'm totally spoiled by my supplier - I could never afford to sustain my habit without this connect - but they're talking about only selling me half the # of pills a month and I don't know what the fuck to do. It's a heavy opiate and even if I could find more sources I can't afford to fill in with weak shit like norcos. So the needle is looking really tempting right now, just to spare me withdrawals. But I've never done it before, I don't know anybody who shoots up or even anybody who'd be there to spot me. I've got supportive people in my life but the ones who know about my addiction won't go there with me, they'd try to talk me out of it. So I'm scared of fucking it up, I don't know if I can do it myself. But I don't know what the fuck else to do, I'm desperate.
Can anybody help me make sense of this? Why am I feeling withdrawal now, like everyday, when before I could go three, four, five days without using pills and no problem? And just a couple weeks ago I went a whole week without using pills. Am I just imagining it, is it really just the stress and I'm just panicking because I've got it in my head it's WD?
How can I (relatively) safely shoot up myself, by myself, for the first time? I've just been railing pills before now but I've got easy access to clean syringes and needles, I just need to order micron filters. And the pills I've got have minimal binders and fillers, I've read it's pretty safe as far as injection goes. Please understand I'm just trying to do this so I don't have go through withdrawals at a time in my life where they will literally lay waste to my life because I'm already so close to the edge, and withdrawals won't get me any closer to getting out from under this addiction, it'll just make me more desperate and out of control.
This is my first post so if some of these answers are already out there, I'd appreciate if you could send me that way. But also if anybody could reply here, it'd be really nice to just talk to somebody because I'm feeling pretty fucking scared and alone. Thanks
Can anybody help me make sense of this? Why am I feeling withdrawal now, like everyday, when before I could go three, four, five days without using pills and no problem? And just a couple weeks ago I went a whole week without using pills. Am I just imagining it, is it really just the stress and I'm just panicking because I've got it in my head it's WD?
How can I (relatively) safely shoot up myself, by myself, for the first time? I've just been railing pills before now but I've got easy access to clean syringes and needles, I just need to order micron filters. And the pills I've got have minimal binders and fillers, I've read it's pretty safe as far as injection goes. Please understand I'm just trying to do this so I don't have go through withdrawals at a time in my life where they will literally lay waste to my life because I'm already so close to the edge, and withdrawals won't get me any closer to getting out from under this addiction, it'll just make me more desperate and out of control.
This is my first post so if some of these answers are already out there, I'd appreciate if you could send me that way. But also if anybody could reply here, it'd be really nice to just talk to somebody because I'm feeling pretty fucking scared and alone. Thanks