Decreasing interest in sex

[Neuroborean]

I'll explain it briefly: it's not so much a question of libido. In fact, my libido is perhaps higher than it's been since I was a teenager. I haven't had sex for over a year after breaking up with someone I was in a toxic relationship with and then feeling terrible, with no desire to meet anyone. Right now, if anything even remotely "suggestive" happens with a girl, my libido skyrockets, and almost anything stimulates me. I'm, let's say, very "sensitive"...
But... at the same time, I think sex is just another thing, even something VERY inferior to the psychonautical experience. I'd like to find a girl to have loving sex with, but not so much for sex as for love. And I swear I've had incredible, almost mystical sex, using psychedelics and also in a natural, sober state. However, my need for sex is decreasing. I see it as something incredibly overrated and even ridiculous: If we're talking about casual sex, it's something that seems uglier, vulgar, and decadent to me each day.

I can't understand how, for some people, life revolves around sex, instead of music or psychonautics, "erotic" arts that seem to me to be superior on all levels and with many more nuances. Furthermore, it seems that most women feel the same as me, since I have hardly found any women who have a marked interest in sex, but rather see it as just another thing in life, and of those who see it as something very important, none of them would attract me, since they seem uninteresting to me (I am what they call "demi-sexual," although I hate labels).
I find it extremely grotesque to see that there are a large number of horrible songs (reggaeton, trap) that talk about nothing but sex in an animalistic, simian way, and it seems to me that they are directed at another type of human being, someone of another species to which I do not belong.
This does not mean that if I had a partner I would not have sex with her, perhaps even daily if the circumstance arose, but somehow every day seems like another act in life and a pleasure that is equaled or surpassed by many things (surfing, speed, falling in love, drugs, music...). Let's say that I see sex as the icing on the cake, in relation to I like a lot of cakes, but before I saw it as "THE CAKE." Now I don't. Maybe I'm an old man (35 years old)??? Hahaha

 

[jasperkent]

I adore sex, but it's never been a primary pursuit for me. I've enjoyed the occasional one-night stand but I wasn't constantly on the prowl, even in my teens & twenties. I very much prefer "making love" to "fucking." As a male Boomer, this has always made me an oddity. I couldn't care less.

 

[Robi]

I adore sex, but it's never been a primary pursuit for me. I've enjoyed the occasional one-night stand but I wasn't constantly on the prowl, even in my teens & twenties. I very much prefer "making love" to "fucking." As a male Boomer, this has always made me an oddity. I couldn't care less.

 

[JackARoe]

Right now, if anything even remotely "suggestive" happens with a girl, my libido skyrockets, and almost anything stimulates me. I'm, let's say, very "sensitive"...

Sounds like a normal male to me.

However, my need for sex is decreasing. I see it as something incredibly overrated and even ridiculous:

Sex can be a way to connect with another but only one way. Nature for sure makes sex for both male and female a strong pull during child bearing years. After that too but not as strong. If, as you say casual sex, it can be as mundane as sneezing and blowing your nose. Almost same concept too.

I can't understand how, for some people, life revolves around sex, instead of music or psychonautics,

I like the chakra map. Always thinking about sex is always being in the second chakra. Wisdom, compassion and higher appreciation of arts and music is different and higher chakra. We all know the person that turns everything into a sexual joke. He is in the 2nd chakra. Most of us rotate through. I myself appreciate the astral plane of music over the physical plane of sex. But it really is an individual thing.

Listen man Love can be tested. It is not all sex. It fluctuates over years. Honeymoon ends. But Love reaches a lot higher. Wait till a loved one gets sick, needs a commode and lots of healing time. Where is the sex there? Suspended and tested. But you @Neuroborean are just what a good partner would want. Someone that thinks a little higher. If a loved one was sick and vomited all over by accident you would clean it up out of the goodness of your heart. (not everyone would believe me) You would not play games and cry to her or blame her for not having sex at that time. Cleaning up vomit is as much as an act of Love. A mature person would see that. I mean do you plan on staying with a partner till the end? Be ready. It is not all glamour.

Sex should be accompanied by respect, trust and maturity. Nothing wrong with casual sex, but it is the sex you hear about the most that people get tired of on this board. Sex after sticking with a partner through thick and thin is better and less empty than casual sex. One good session is better than 10 empty sessions. And yes, the drive goes down as we age. Not sure it will ever completely go away. It can be distracting.

 

[just a coker 01]

Im too old (50y.o.) to bother with sex, just like freindly conversation with a couple of rails and share some rum !

 

[LucidSDreamr]

I'll explain it briefly: it's not so much a question of libido. In fact, my libido is perhaps higher than it's been since I was a teenager. I haven't had sex for over a year after breaking up with someone I was in a toxic relationship with and then feeling terrible, with no desire to meet anyone. Right now, if anything even remotely "suggestive" happens with a girl, my libido skyrockets, and almost anything stimulates me. I'm, let's say, very "sensitive"...
But... at the same time, I think sex is just another thing, even something VERY inferior to the psychonautical experience. I'd like to find a girl to have loving sex with, but not so much for sex as for love. And I swear I've had incredible, almost mystical sex, using psychedelics and also in a natural, sober state. However, my need for sex is decreasing. I see it as something incredibly overrated and even ridiculous: If we're talking about casual sex, it's something that seems uglier, vulgar, and decadent to me each day.

I can't understand how, for some people, life revolves around sex, instead of music or psychonautics, "erotic" arts that seem to me to be superior on all levels and with many more nuances. Furthermore, it seems that most women feel the same as me, since I have hardly found any women who have a marked interest in sex, but rather see it as just another thing in life, and of those who see it as something very important, none of them would attract me, since they seem uninteresting to me (I am what they call "demi-sexual," although I hate labels).
I find it extremely grotesque to see that there are a large number of horrible songs (reggaeton, trap) that talk about nothing but sex in an animalistic, simian way, and it seems to me that they are directed at another type of human being, someone of another species to which I do not belong.
This does not mean that if I had a partner I would not have sex with her, perhaps even daily if the circumstance arose, but somehow every day seems like another act in life and a pleasure that is equaled or surpassed by many things (surfing, speed, falling in love, drugs, music...). Let's say that I see sex as the icing on the cake, in relation to I like a lot of cakes, but before I saw it as "THE CAKE." Now I don't. Maybe I'm an old man (35 years old)??? Hahaha

Yea interest in sex fell off for me in my 30s too. Granted I was deep into opioids so that probably had something to do with it.

Porn use also probably became an “easier” substitute and preference even.

 

[LucidSDreamr]

Sex should be accompanied by respect,

I’ve had a harder time having sex with partners the more I’ve respected them. I’ve been married for 10 years and my love has grown during that time for my partner but that makes the sex feel more awkward to me because I feel like I’m using someone when I have sex with them. And you don’t want to use someone you love and respect for your own nut busting. I guess I never learned how to truly make love ….never felt like I did, I mean I’ve had magical sex that felt like I did but it was probably just good sex. But mostly it feels like I’m using the other person to me.

 

[just a coker 01]

Porn is rare in my life and to be honest if im not on an honest wavelength with someone i wont even want to chat i have been celebate for last 7 years and prefer it, i dont desire to rent time with hooker even with cheapest deal in history, as its a form of using. And handjobbing myself is less than once every three months at the most.

 

[just a coker 01]

When comes to sex, i will rather chill out with rum at the least and with cocaine at the most
Sex is no where on my christmas list to miss santa claus this christmas or the next or the next or the next etc etc etc etc, etc, etc!

 

[LucidSDreamr]

And handjobbing myself is less than once every three months at the most.

how? I wish I could drop it. it's like a bodily function to me that feels like having to take a shit or something,,,,just get it out and be done with it. I guess its and addiction, sometimes I'm not even horny but think of masturbation just to get off for a second and then I have to go through the process of making myself horny so I can actually proceed.

 

[just a coker 01]

Have a couple of toxic relarionships male, female she-male or email it dont make a difference , then think do you actually care for the other person or is it just the physical function!? If you care well i can understand but if its physical only you might want to stand back and assese yourself and the whole thing/situation. As i have gotten older i woke up that i got my alcahol usage fairly well sorted for my standed compared to the mouthy, barbrawling shagging fool that i used to be, and my smoking crack aint bad, a bit silly but not too much, but older a little wiser and wisely cant be bothered with the physical function of sex

 

[Mushoku_Sensei]

I'd go with the saying here that sex is in the mind - a LOT. If the porn hits the spot it will work for you. If not... Well, friction does it's job but as one German comedian expressed it: the man goes "work, work, done; while the woman: work, work, work... Getting a little closer... And then suddenly: "Oh there's George Clooney!" - Done. Imo men are usually much simpler in that regard than women. And since almost everything concerning sex/love relationships here is a little/lot male dominated, female phantasies can be hard to make out in comparison. If one has grown to believe that being desired by the man of choice is all they want then that will work - at least for a while. I dare say that many women don't even know what they actually are looking for and are likely more easily able to block the whole issue out as long as they're otherwise ok. And then it's also not so easy to actually say what they like/want or not because they don't want to hurt or disappoint their partner. Their phantasies might be much wilder than they would ever dare say or they believe it wouldn't be an option for their partner. In the end real satisfaction often doesn't work without that good old advice:


(Though that vid is much more about the safety basics it's still true for many other aspects)

And then you have to be lucky enough to find someone who shares or is willing to put up with your wishes - which can be pretty damn difficult.
I agree it generally loses priority over other things in life, and thus we all get cooler. But if it really hits the spot, I'd say it can be good until a considerable age...

 

[just a coker 01]

Heavy concept, i aint slept for 27 hours odd, and just come back to this thread and realised how heavy such talk is. Woh!

 

[JackARoe]

I’ve had a harder time having sex with partners the more I’ve respected them. I’ve been married for 10 years and my love has grown during that time for my partner but that makes the sex feel more awkward to me because I feel like I’m using someone when I have sex with them. And you don’t want to use someone you love and respect for your own nut busting.

Yeah being married a long time makes things shift. I am married 22 years. The first 10-12 had normal amount of sex. Later on Vacations kicked it off quicker. After some sickness and illness my love has grown, but sex does come to a trickle and then yeah, seems like using someone to bust a nut. The first 12? years my wife was like yes use me for that if it calms me down. That become less. So I totally get what you are saying. Makes me wonder if others can go the long haul as it is not all honeymoon.

Then again the flaky new hot girl we wanted to screw one night blows us off, that little respect shown to me would irritate me. lol But yeah I totally get it. Long term marriage is something different.

Sex can be as boring as any other body function. Nature made it strong. And, for men at least, it seems to need to come out or builds up and stresses us. Leaving it would be like not blowing your nose when full. Nature also gave most of us an imagination to keep us out of trouble. But sex alone will not make a long term relationship. Surviving life's battles together creates a stronger glue.

I remember thinking that I went through all this trouble just to get to an orgasm. Then (for men) after orgasm we can feel silly we let such an animal instinct take over. Fun in the dating years. Changes during long term. Romance is more than one thing.

@LucidSDreamr I would love to see how our wives describe us now. All the while they have their own issues. 10 years is an accomplishment many wish they could achieve. Being brutally honest on what that is like helps. Lots happen in 10 years that would break most people. Sex goes to the bottom of the scale. But Love does grow in ways we couldn't imagine. Including self love as we give to our partners.

 

[just a coker 01]

Its certainly a deep topic,