I get to stay in my home until New Years. My loan is under consideration for a modification.
I was very encouraged by the possibility of being able to stay in the home I've been making mortgage payments on for twelve years when all of a sudden
the IRS slammed our social security check for back taxes to the tune of $500.
How low can my house payment really go under a modification? Now that the government is going to take the roughly $8,000 I owe them from my social security, my house payments would need to be about $17 a month.
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I filled out dozens of employment applications for Christmas help wanted ads. I babysit my grandson during the day so I figured some nights and weekends riding a register somewhere would earn me enough pay to enjoy shopping for my kids and my grandkids.
I did not get a single call. Nothing. My entire existence as a person who earns money seems to be over. I feel that the business world with its human resources teams, its cubicals, its staff meetings, its calendars, its casual Fridays, is done with me.
I thought I would work well into my sixties. I thought I was going to continue to get raises, go on vacations, and have a lot of fun working at the job I loved and spending the money I earned there.
I feel sad. I miss money.
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I cleaned a lot today. I got the tree out of the garage and set it up. The front room and on up the stairs are trimmed with Christmas decorations. I listened to Christmas music.
There won't be presents under the tree.
I know. "Why bother to put up the tree?"
Excellent question.
Because I still believe in Santa Claus and I might wake up Christmas morning to presents under the tree.
She said with heavy sarcasm.
The reason I decorated my home for Christmas is because I have suffered excruciating anxiety the last month or two about losing my home. I do not have to move until after the holiday. I have been given the smallest hope that perhaps I will keep my home.
My personality is coming back to me after having been ravaged with panic.
I am thankful to be in this home this holiday season.
I want to enjoy the sight and the feel of my tree and my decorations.
All that I have now is what I acquired throughout my life with the money I earned.
There is only one thing for me to do now.
Enjoy what I have. Dig what is already here.
I have what I have. That's all that I have.
