• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

declined for sponseeship, should i take this personally?

pastelcircus

pastelcircus

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 12, 2011
Messages
9,084
Location
the greater, whiter, north
As some of you may know, I dabble in na.

I've been sober for close to five months now and am at the point where I would benefit from sponsorship.

I asked a woman that I highly respect for her ability to keep it real to be my sponsor, and she told me Friday that she can't say yes and she can't say no, but to come to her women's group meeting on Saturday mornings.

I get there about ten minutes late, set my stuff down on the table and J, (sponsor lady) says to A (second party), "doesn't she remind you of Amy?"

A looks at me, back to , and nods her head.

J then says to me, "Amy was a girl that I sponsored, she commited suicide about a year ago, and you remind me of her so much that I can't sponsor you. I will help you though."

I don't really know how to take this. I get told all the time how I remind somebody of someone, but never have had somebody make a judgement call on me based on something so trivial.

Maybe it's my mannerisms, I don't really know. I'm trying not to take it personally but it's kind of bothering me.

Any insight/ outside perspectives?

Also, I wasn't really sure where this thread should go, if it gets moved it's no big deal.

Thanks in advance,
Pastel.
 
It sounds to me like she feels it wouldn't allow her to think rationally about your situation, not that she thinks you will make the same mistakes.
You should absolutely not take it personally.
 
I agree, Pastel, don't take it personally. It is too bad that she can't separate you from the other woman but at least she was honest about her reasons. There was probably a better, more sensitive and tactful way to explain it to you, however. Is there anyone else that you would consider asking?
 
Nah... Don't take it personal at all. There are many reasons people decline sponsorship and most are due to it being a dis-service to the sponsee.

The best way to find a sponsor is to do a meeting a day for 90 days. You'll learn a lot in those 3 months and you'll get a feel for who is available and has something you're attracted to.

If you are declined again, simply move onto the next best choice and recognize that whoever you end up getting is exactly who you were supposed to get at that particular time.

Also, keep in mind that a sponsors only purpose is to guide you through the 12 Steps. If you're lucky, they will aso guide you through the 12 Traditions and 12 Concepts.

The other lady who declined can always be a resource, friend and potential confidant.

Keep your eyes open and measure people's words to their actions
 
Don't worry about what other people think. I know nothing about NA but I'm nearly 50 y/o and people are fickle. Find a person who clicks with you and vice versa.Don't depend on everybody to click with you cause some people don't. I've learned I'm not the center of the universe but I find a few people who still like me!! Good luck and stay sober for you.
 
pastelcircus said:
I asked a woman that I highly respect for her ability to keep it real to be my sponsor
Click to expand...

Any insight/ outside perspectives?
Click to expand...

Just look at it as she was "keeping it real" and told you the honest truth - that you remind her too much of the other girl for her to be fair in how she'd guide you through the steps. A sponsee committing suicide is a really hard thing to handle, I'm sure. Like a nightmare come true, and probably makes her question her ability to be a good influence on people. She's probably just trying to protect herself from a tigger of guilty memories.

Keep looking. It seems like there's always a good amount of people willing to sponsor.
 
Last edited:
Wow that seems like a pretty irrational thing of her to say.
I would try not let it bother me..
Her statement really should have been kept to herself, but that's just how she feels :-/
Must be pretty awkward.
Forget about it :)
&& Stay strong!
 
I mean, I'm not really taking it personally by any means, i just was kind of surprised by it is all, 'tis no big deal at the end of the day.

Nonetheless, thanks for the input :) it never hurts to get a second opinion, eh?
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top