Decline

[zero9zero]

Flashing between worlds
In your mind, and that
Far away place you
Never seem to find
I can't fathom your reasoning
Or rationalization
Through the most complex
Methods of deduction
To justify your denial
Of this one thing you
Had substance in which
To believe.
And this image,
Painted black and white
In still life is
The only memory I have left
To hold onto of
The days when you
Seemed level, and you
Hadn't yet spun a perfect
Circle of spinnerets
Gently swaying in wait
To grab hold and render
Me helpless
I'm so sick of hearing you
Swirling those thoughts
Of angst in my mind
And I'm so sick of seeing you
From miles away,
Throw everything you could've been
Into the wind
I'm so sick of hearing others
Try.. to place the blame
On anything for your early exit
From that one place
That remains real
But I can say now
As I stand here, looking down
At your name chisled
In marble, darker than your soul
That I'm so fucking sick
Of your suicide
Because what wasn't real
Pulled that fucking trigger
And took it all away
Even though..
Even though you never gave
A fucking thing
Dave

 

[poezante]

hey there dave,
i really like this one.. but yet its so sad.. :/
-keep writing.. dont leave ya hear??

 

[Starfucker]

I think this expresses the anger at another's suicide very well. That's a really touchy subject, y'know? Like, "Fuck you! I'm dead and you're talking about your shitty feelings?"
I also liked how you ran sentences into several lines. Is it called enjambment? I forget. Anyway, I never really understood how to use that but here I can feel this uncontrolled rolling forward, like hurtling towards death kind of thing. Cool.

 

[Magnum PI]

wow Dave...
this is my first time cruising round on here and I gotta say I'm impressed.
So dark and so climatic. The words seem to release a whole load of anger. Fuck theres alot of emotion sucked into this.
beautiful.