Decided "no more alcohol"

[TurkeyRanch]

Hey! I don't post here much, but I have read bluelight for years. Mostly the Psychedelic Drugs forum, but other areas on occasion. I however don't think I have wandered into this nook ever, until tonight. I am active at a forum with related interests to Bluelight, so some of you might know me from there. Hi!

I decided to stop drinking yesterday. My last cider is rinsed out and sitting on the mantle. I feel pretty good!

I think I have known my alcohol consumption was unhealthy for at least three years, and realized it was getting out of control for the last year and a half. It certainly was impacting my ability to get things done, and function normally. I was never non-functional, something that probably led me to continue thinking it was "ok". But I certainly could have done much better at life the last 12 months. I think alcohol is mainly to blame for most of my physical shittyness and lack of an ordered life.

I never thought alcohol would be an addiction for me, but over time, it got to be one. I am half professional partier, half farmer. Meaning I am either at an event that is "party time" or at home as my own boss, a great setup for someone who wants to have his first cider of the day at 8:30, followed by two more before work starts at maybe 11:00. Or 6 ciders by 1pm, then a nap. . . Day wasted. I am pretty immersed in the psychedelic drug/culture, and there are lots of substances available to me, and around. I never have had addictive issues with any other substance.

i don't often get hangovers, which doesn't help me drink less, that is for sure. I could eat acid at a show, and stay up until 6 am drinking a 12 pack of pabst, sleep 4 hours, and drive everyone to Oakland for the next show. No issues, I would feel great. Now I don't feel so great, 6-12 beers a day for a few years straight has got me feeling like ass.

I kept finding myself neglecting chores and spending more and more days basically wasted and wasting time. Took me till this month to get serious with myself about dealing with this problem. If I don't stop drinking, I feel like I will fail at life, and pickle myself to death in less than a decade.

****

So about a month ago I started rationing how much I drank, with success mostly. I had difficulty keeping it under 6 a day. Last week I was trying for two drinks a day, and just couldn't. Did three. I realized i felt ok during the day, and even three drinks in the afternoon was making me feel physically bad.

With firm resolve I decided to drink one cider a day for three days, but couldn't just drink one, to my astonishment I ended up drinking all three. So I quit.

Yesterday was 3/14/15 Pi Day, which will make it easier to remember.

****

48 hours without ethanol. I feel ok, my back (probably my kidneys) ache slightly. Drank lots of water and orange juice, took some milk thistle, and am making it a point to eat regular meals and do things. I actually got a lot done today, cleaned up the last round of alcohol containers strewn around my drinking/smoking areas, planted a ton of sunflowers (~};-) and cleaned up my kitchen. Girlfriend was pleased. I am liking the return of motivation, and hope it lasts.

A craving for alcohol is certainly present, but no physical withdrawal symptoms aside from slight restlessness and anxiety. Smoking lots of ganga, which is normal for me. Well, last few months I have only been smoking right before bed, but last 48 hrs I have been smoking regularly. I can smoke pot or not, I can go weeks without smoking and not notice, and I have plenty available to me.

The craving is totally manageable for me, I feel like my commitment is firm. I hope to use this area of the forum to keep a record of my recovery, and for support.

Ok!

 

[GenericName12]

Hi. Great steps so far! 48 hours is a long time. I was a pretty similar addict. Working all day, binging every night.

I thought i was invincible. Slowly my work and my relationships suffered and it took me a long time to finally wake up and realize what I had done. It's like the frog in the boiling water analogy. I'm glad you have realised before everything is lost! Some people react too late.

I had a similar reaction as you are with regards to weed. But weed sent me right back to alcohol. I never really felt better till I cut everything off. This is a common scenario, but Im not going to say it is true 100% of the time. You can decide for yourself but something to keep in mind.

Edit: your commitment is firm now, but that won't last. You should think of a plan on how you will deal with the cravings when they happen. A lot of people like support groups. Totally up to you but it works for a lot of people.

 

[neversickanymore]

Alcohol is an awful drug and one of if not the hardest drug on the planet.

I bounced some years back. I was required to remain sober to deal with people and LE when things broke out. In doing so and having to be around drunks all the time I got a great sober and clear look at how lame it actually is.

I would consider going out with some harder drinking friends for a couple nights sober. It gives you a great picture of how stupid drinking really is. It makes us act like clowns, well unless we are tripping and then whats the point of even drinking as it pretty much does nothing, its terrible for the body, makes us turn into half/no witts, can cause tons of legal hassles, makes us contemplate cutting our own heads off if we catch a nasty hangover.. and all for what.. what really amounts to a fucking lamn time if and if you roll sober a few times thats easy to see.

One of the crappiest drugs on the planet IMO.

Nice work on kicking it to the curb .. If you can get a clear picture of how pathetic it is you can use this against any craves.

 

[TurkeyRanch]

Hi. Great steps so far! 48 hours is a long time. I was a pretty similar addict. Working all day, binging every night.

I thought i was invincible. Slowly my work and my relationships suffered and it took me a long time to finally wake up and realize what I had done. It's like the frog in the boiling water analogy. I'm glad you have realised before everything is lost! Some people react too late.

I had a similar reaction as you are with regards to weed. But weed sent me right back to alcohol. I never really felt better till I cut everything off. This is a common scenario, but Im not going to say it is true 100% of the time. You can decide for yourself but something to keep in mind.

Edit: your commitment is firm now, but that won't last. You should think of a plan on how you will deal with the cravings when they happen. A lot of people like support groups. Totally up to you but it works for a lot of people.

I wish my pattern was to work all day and binge all night. More like drink steadily, a cider or three with my coffee, drinks all morning till afternoon, and than get serious about getting fucked around noon to sometimes as late as five pm. Basically a six pack consumed by 1 or 2 pm, and possibly a twelve pack from about 3-10 pm when I pass out. Pretty much have been continually drinking around the clock for about three or four years. I think my morning alcohol consumption started about 4-5 years ago and became a regular thing about 3 years ago.

i guess I will see in time with weed. It is omnipresent in my life, it is literally all around me. I can not get away from it lol, not without a drastic rearrangement of my entire life. Not that I feel the need to, or worry weed will trigger urges to drink. I can be around it all day and completely forget to smoke any. But I could be wrong, and time will tell. Cannabis is more akin to hot chocolate for me, it's nice and comforting on occasion. I never crave it.

psychedelics are the same thing, I love them and am grateful they are in my life, but I still have to talk myself into dosing most of the time, it's far from impulsive.

Physical support groups are hard for me. I live in the middle of nowhere, it is about 45 min to the nearest town that would have meetings. No offense anyone, but I live in a Meth heavy area (isn't that almost everywhere now?) and I can't be around those kind of people. My hope was I could get a form of support online, I am a regular user of forums, so this fits my style.

neversick: amongst my friends, alcohol isn't much used. Or I guess I should say almost everyone uses it responsibly, so I don't get to see excess consumption often. At festivals and shows there are always the really drunk people, and that is always a turn off. In my twenties (when I wasn't addicted to alcohol) drunk people grossed me out, but somehow I ended up being that guy.


Thanks for the responses guys, day three dawns with a cup of coffee and cacao powder, and a spliff. My minds wants a drink, but I know I am not going to have one today. Something feels different now, but I can't explain what. It's like I actually believe myself this time, and believe a life not ruled by alcohol is an actual reality. I am early yet, but I am hopeful.

It it all boils down to self control. What do I want? A beautiful garden, clean house, functioning life, or to drink at my half ass attempt at a farm, feeling like my kidneys and liver are failing at 32, surrounded by dirty dishes and alcohol containers?

I believe I can make the choice for life, not death. Still no physical withdrawal, is that normal for someone like me who drank nonstop for years, or am I just really lucky, or will it hit me soon?

 

[Wonka]

Like you i was hardcore into drinking and could stay up 3 days straight drinking straight 90 proof or 80 proof and feel great no hangover nothing.......a few years go by of me doing this and now ive realized i knocked a few years of my life......its a great thing you decided to stop.....but the feeling of shittyness is normal your body needs vitmains and minerals that the alcohol has leeched off you all these years.....i hope the best for you and remeber your not alone.

 

[Wonka]

dont know if you smoke or not but a good bowl or spliff like you said can counter the urges defitnaly if you had a bad day and crave a drink or have a case of the "fuck its" just smoke and find something else to do