DEATHADONE-4 days into w/d~NEED ADVICE/SUPPORT~

[Deathadone]

Hey guys/gals, just wanted to start off with a little background info on myself. I'm a 24 year old male, university grad, and was sponsored for snowboarding back in 2012 till 2013. During those years I suffered many injuries but was able to get passed majority of them with intense physio and light medications for short periods of time.

It wasn't until one of my competitions in BC when it took a turn for the worse. During my 2nd heat I broke both my fibula and tibia in a spiral fracture that extended from my ankle up to my knee cap as well as my wrist in two different locations with a floating bone fragment between the two bones.

I was forced to be in a wheel chair for the first 3 months until my wrist healed enough to be transferred over to crutches. I was on crutches for futher 3 months until I finally got my cast off. I had to learn to walk again (I hadn't walked in 6 months at this time) with the help of 3 different physiotherapists.

Within a month I was walking again, however with a limp and in a large amount of daily pain in both my leg and wrist. Advil or any OTC pain med I tried (even natural supplimets) did absolutely nothing for my pain. This pain was effecting my daily life and I couldn't take it ANYMORE, so of course I went back to my fracture specialist to explain what I was going through. He did a few tests, asked me a few questions and before I knew it I was walking out of the Dr. Office w/ a script of OXY NEO 10mg that I was advised to take 4 times a day as needed. We all know where that lead to....

Within a year I was on 80mg OXY NEO twice a day W/ 5mg PERCOCET in case I needed it between doses. I took this for about 1.5 years and had finally had enough of it. So I went to see a different Dr. this time and explained to him everything that I just mentioned above. He told me about this well known drug that has helped so many people in my situation and I was ecstatic !

At the time I have the time I had no clue about pharmacology so I put my trust into this doctor as many do. He told me that his drug methadone could help me with all of my issues that I had explained to him before, not explaining that the methadone also makes you become dependent and brings on withdrawals (even worse than most other opiates) Putting my trust in this professional doctor I was willing to give this medication to try.

Upon receiving my script the first month was amazing. I only had to dose once a day and seemed to have a bit more energy than I did with the OXY NEO. Overtime the medication started to lose its effect. My pain started coming back and yet I was still taking this narcotic. I finally said no more, I wanted off the narcotics. I was numb, fatigued and had no motivation for life anymore. After doing a little research I soon realized that methadone is one of the hardest opiates to withdraw from.

Had I'd known this before I would've never taken the medication suggested by this doctor. I am now on day four of no methadone and I am feeling pretty ill. Could somebody please give me an estimate as to how long this will last. I realize it differs from individual to individual, but just to get an estimate timeline would ease my mind. All I want is to be free from this evil drug, and to be able to move on with my life, how it was before the narcotics.

I apologize for the long post but I hope somebody can give me some information as to when I'll start feeling better. My mental state is very strong at the moment and I am very determined to get this monkey off my back and be able to move on with my life. I've been reading these forms for years and I appreciate all the information I have gathered. I'd like to thank you all in advance for any information and support that I am given.

Also if anyone has any tips as to what I can do to relieve some of the symptoms that would be greatly appreciated because it's becoming a bit harder hour by hour now

Thank you all and God bless !

 

[Steady Scootin]

The search engine will bring up many, many threads on methadone maintenance as well as tapering off methadone itself. That said, the horrible break you detailed made me literally cringe... Best of luck.

 

[Deathadone]

The search engine will bring up many, many threads on methadone maintenance as well as tapering off methadone itself. That said, the horrible break you detailed made me literally cringe... Best of luck.

Thank you for the response, much appreciated I've read countless threads about tapering, remedies, excercise, etc. I made the post more so for a support system. I see other users posting threads that's are in the similar situation and have countless users replying with motivational post, just to help them push through it and not give up. That's what I really need at this moment. Everyone is so compassionate on BL and am hoping I can get some support to get me through this. Thank you again for your quick reply. Any response helps in this horrible time I'm enduring.

-Deathadone

 

[Jekyl Anhydride]

Wow that Tib/Fib break does sound horrendous. Could you elaborate how much Methadone you were using and for how long ? Also did you do any tapering before jumping off? Have you considered even a short taper if your doctor would agree?

Welcome to BlueLight as well.

 

[Deathadone]

Hey there, thanks for welcoming me to the community! Everyone here seems so willing to help makes me feel much better.

Yeah it was a very painful recovery, and after loosing my sponsorship I went into a deep depression and began abusing my medication. They started me one 40 mg once per day along with 2mg Dilaudid as needed for breakthrough. I stopped taking the D's because I found myself abusing them more and more so just stuck with the methadone.

Over the first year my dose was gradually raised and I was on 70mg, never went any higher. I was on that dose for about 4 years and began to slowly taper 5mg every week and sometimes every other week till I got myself down to 15mg, that's when I made the jump.

I obtained clonedine from my doctor as well as Valium and Lyrica. I began taking those meds on day 2 of my detox but they make me feel very strange. I'm off balance, bumping into walls, almost falling over all the time, forgetting where I put things and just overall feel spaced out, I hate the feeling (still beats methadone withdrawl though I think). I am currently taking 0.1 mg Clonedine 3 times a day, Valium 10mg 3 times during the day and 20mg at nighttime before bed, and 100mg Lyrica twice a day, one in the morning and one at night. I've been still sleeping okay, averaging about 4 hours a night which isn't bad at all.

Do you fellow Bluelighters think that I'm taking the right route towards a successful detox? Thanks again for all the support and got bless. It means more than anything to know someone out there is rooting for you. And that's really what I need.

I CAN DO THIS ! I want my life back

- Deathadone

 

[Jekyl Anhydride]

Oh dam, your already on the right track and setup for the win. There are many who end up cut off at high doses sometimes and it's truly brutal, not to minimize or discount your situation but your quite prepared and taking all the steps I would recommend.
I hear you about the hydromorphone as that stuff is like opioid crack, but the methadone won't have the intense W/D symptoms just moderate ones that are a bit more drawn out.

I jumped off of 100mg with only a two week taper down to about 75mg which I really don't recommend as it was drawn out for 5 weeks and if I wasn't so adamant about leaving my MMT clinic, would never have done. After being here for awhile I now realize how asinine that approach was but I used the determination I had at the time to my advantage. One of the upsides of being stubborn I suppose.

I have known several people that have made it from 15mg and it wasn't much worse than the ones who had a drawn out taper down to 2mg. Every drop of 3-5 mg was a week of agitation vs the get it over with approach that your taking. Other than being mindful of the Clonidine doses and not driving on it, or say deciding to fix the roof or something but your obviously a sharp cat.

Before you know it, you will just morph into being a little grumpy or depressed for a week or so and then the sun comes out and the birds begin singing again and you're FREE. NSAID's like ibuprofen or Diclofenac will also work better and your own natural pain circuitry resets itself helping to reduce the pain naturally.

While your waiting for responses you might also want to check out Recovery Support https://www.bluelight.org/vb/forums/268-Recovery-Support and The Dark Side https://www.bluelight.org/vb/forums/47-The-Dark-Side. Both well suited to aid in your progress.

Well hang in there brother and just know it's a worthwhile investment to be free of the Liquid Handcuffs as many have said. I'll be checking in on how you're progressing. J.A.

 

[26astr00]

Just want to point out that a lot of doctors don't know any better. Methadone has been used for opioid substition therapy for several decades and most doctors don't know that buprenorfine is probably a lot better.

You'll probably be feeling a lot better by day 7, just hang in there!

 

[Backfromthebrink]

Hey guys/gals, just wanted to start off with a little background info on myself. I'm a 24 year old male, university grad, and was sponsored for snowboarding back in 2012 till 2013. During those years I suffered many injuries but was able to get passed majority of them with intense physio and light medications for short periods of time.

It wasn't until one of my competitions in BC when it took a turn for the worse. During my 2nd heat I broke both my fibula and tibia in a spiral fracture that extended from my ankle up to my knee cap as well as my wrist in two different locations with a floating bone fragment between the two bones.

I was forced to be in a wheel chair for the first 3 months until my wrist healed enough to be transferred over to crutches. I was on crutches for futher 3 months until I finally got my cast off. I had to learn to walk again (I hadn't walked in 6 months at this time) with the help of 3 different physiotherapists.

Within a month I was walking again, however with a limp and in a large amount of daily pain in both my leg and wrist. Advil or any OTC pain med I tried (even natural supplimets) did absolutely nothing for my pain. This pain was effecting my daily life and I couldn't take it ANYMORE, so of course I went back to my fracture specialist to explain what I was going through. He did a few tests, asked me a few questions and before I knew it I was walking out of the Dr. Office w/ a script of OXY NEO 10mg that I was advised to take 4 times a day as needed. We all know where that lead to....

Within a year I was on 80mg OXY NEO twice a day W/ 5mg PERCOCET in case I needed it between doses. I took this for about 1.5 years and had finally had enough of it. So I went to see a different Dr. this time and explained to him everything that I just mentioned above. He told me about this well known drug that has helped so many people in my situation and I was ecstatic !

At the time I have the time I had no clue about pharmacology so I put my trust into this doctor as many do. He told me that his drug methadone could help me with all of my issues that I had explained to him before, not explaining that the methadone also makes you become dependent and brings on withdrawals (even worse than most other opiates) Putting my trust in this professional doctor I was willing to give this medication to try.

Upon receiving my script the first month was amazing. I only had to dose once a day and seemed to have a bit more energy than I did with the OXY NEO. Overtime the medication started to lose its effect. My pain started coming back and yet I was still taking this narcotic. I finally said no more, I wanted off the narcotics. I was numb, fatigued and had no motivation for life anymore. After doing a little research I soon realized that methadone is one of the hardest opiates to withdraw from.

Had I'd known this before I would've never taken the medication suggested by this doctor. I am now on day four of no methadone and I am feeling pretty ill. Could somebody please give me an estimate as to how long this will last. I realize it differs from individual to individual, but just to get an estimate timeline would ease my mind. All I want is to be free from this evil drug, and to be able to move on with my life, how it was before the narcotics.

I apologize for the long post but I hope somebody can give me some information as to when I'll start feeling better. My mental state is very strong at the moment and I am very determined to get this monkey off my back and be able to move on with my life. I've been reading these forms for years and I appreciate all the information I have gathered. I'd like to thank you all in advance for any information and support that I am given.

Also if anyone has any tips as to what I can do to relieve some of the symptoms that would be greatly appreciated because it's becoming a bit harder hour by hour now

Thank you all and God bless !

Sorry to break it to you brother but I was in an almost identical situation...on 180mg methadone for pain and stopped cold turkey. I'm used to discomfort from my previous career "over there" (id rather not elaborate on that) but the withdrawls were hell and went on for almost 6 months. It's so bad from long-term high dose methadone that most won't make it it's that bad

id either taper of find another option. I did it alone in a house with not a soul for support (while I couldn't walk due to my injuries) ....but I'm used to operating alone....if u know what I mean...

pm me if I can help

 

[Jekyl Anhydride]

Sorry to break it to you brother but I was in an almost identical situation...on 180mg methadone for pain and stopped cold turkey. I'm used to discomfort from my previous career "over there" (id rather not elaborate on that) but the withdrawls were hell and went on for almost 6 months. It's so bad from long-term high dose methadone that most won't make it it's that bad

id either taper of find another option. I did it alone in a house with not a soul for support (while I couldn't walk due to my injuries) ....but I'm used to operating alone....if u know what I mean...

pm me if I can help

He did taper..15mg is a whole other story than 180mg..and his support meds are excellent.

 

[Deathadone]

Hey guys, I got a solid 4 hours sleep thanks to the Valium and it's currently 5am EST, but I've been up since 3:45am. I'm in awe right now with all the support you guys are giving me. It means the world to me that people I don't even know are taking the time out of their day/night to help someone like me, whom they have never even met before. Honestly it's bringing tears to my eyes, I know that sounds pretty soft of me, but I was so numb before that I hadn't cried in years. My brother committed suicide about 3.5 years ago and I couldn't feel anything It was terrible, we were so close, my best friend in the world was gone. He supported me through everything. After that I just continued to indulge in whatever substance that would numb out the pain, and the emotions (that were pretty much non existent due to the methadone) Also, shortly after I made this thread I got the worst news possible at this time that a good friend of mine passed away due to an OD yesterday of course this would happen when I'm in my worst state right now, both mentally and physically. But I'm going keep on pushing through this guys thanks to you. If anything loosing him to an OD has opened my eyes it made me realize that that could've been me. All I want is out of this life and to be able to move on with my engineering degree. And not just that, just life in general and being happy again. I can't wait till the day I wake up with a smile on my face motivated to make it through the day. It's been so long to find any motivation for life ever since I started taking this horrible deathadone. I don't shun anyone thats still on MMT, as for some people it has allowed them to live a productive life. For me however, this is not how I want to live. I really appreciate all the support of the fellow bluelighters have given me. Honestly waking up this morning at 3:45 to see that I had replies to my thread from multiple people that genuinely care and are here to help me is giving me the motivation to make it through another day.

I sincerely want to thank you all!

- Deathadone

 

[Bugzelot]

Just keep thinking to yourself that you will actually get thru it. You'll make it and you'll look back and think how the f*ck did I do that? Just hang in there. Also, I lost my cousin who was my best friend in 2003, was an OD also.

You will make it. Fish oil sometimes helps. Put some headphones on also and a sleep mask and listen to some nature sounds, rain and even some Indian chants(Ohmmmm, ohhhmmm, etc). I find this especially helps with the nausea and suicidal thoughts.

Please keep coming back to this thread so that we know you are okay.

 

[Jekyl Anhydride]

That's what BlueLight is all about, Harm reduction, Resources to make informed decisions, and Support. The Love Bandit & Sebastian's Ghost started this as an Ecstasy message board in 99' and it's grown into one of if not the largest and most trafficked Harm Reduction Forums on Earth with thousands of people from dozens of countries. I like the Brits & Ozzies as well as the Belgians, South Africans, Europeans, okay all of them actually. But your success is our goal and the fact you appreciate it makes us all want to help that much more.

Good Lord I'm so sorry for the recent and untimely deaths you've had to endure. The mourning and lamentation must be excruciating, I mean yesterday? That's seriously tragic Deathadone. I applaud you for your determination to see this through during a time that I can only imagine as I've never been through anything quite as tragic as what you've described. I would seriously consider writing your story above in The Dark Side as that is the sub-forum most appropriate and would have replies from people with similar experiences. The Senior Moderators Erikman & Herbavore are very well equipped at dealing with situations of this nature and gravity. I think you could really benefit from a visit to TDS as Other Drugs it more science based. I can't even convey how sorry I am that you have to go through this. I just got your PM.

https://www.bluelight.org/vb/forums/47-The-Dark-Side

 

[Bugzelot]

That's what BlueLight is all about, Harm reduction, Resources to make informed decisions, and Support. The Love Bandit & Sebastian's Ghost started this as an Ecstasy message board in 99'

That about when I originally signed up. Or may have been 2000(My search was ecstasy related also). Was a member for years but didn't post as much as you guys. Switched ISPs and now I can't access my old account. Grrrrr.

I wonder if a mod could help me with that? Anyway, that's another issue for another time.

 

[Backfromthebrink]

He did taper..15mg is a whole other story than 180mg..and his support meds are excellent.

I missed that bit...I though he had CT'd...lyrica, valium and clonidine are indeed excellent...I found that they help more with shorter acting opiates than methadone though for the simple reason that you don't want to remain on the support meds too long and meth withdrawls go on for weeks and weeks.

I would add thoigh that even at 15mg, if you think that they will be over in just a week to 10 days or so that he is in for a shock

 

[Jekyl Anhydride]

This is off topic but I'd like to get it straight at least.

The Origins of Bluelight

Beginning in 1997, there was a small message board hosted on bluelight.net called the MDMA Clearinghouse. The Clearinghouse was a side project for the owner of a design company called Bluelight Designs in West Palm Beach, Florida. The message board could only hold a few threads before they scrolled off the board and could not be retrieved.

Nevertheless, a small but dedicated number of people were regular participants and it felt like a close community. Someone suggested that a more permanent home be created so the message board could be stable and the content could be better managed.

The New Bluelight was created in May 1999 as a new home for the MDMA Clearinghouse participants. The "bluelight.nu" domain was registered in June 1999. Once the technical details were finalized, "The New Bluelight" opened for business and most of the crowd from MDMA Clearinghouse migrated to the new forums.

At least two different kinds of message board software (DCForum and wwwboard.cgi) were used between May 1999 and October 1999. There are no posts remaining from that time period. "The New Bluelight" changed software again in October 1999 and has operated continuously ever since then. From that time, Bluelight has grown from a small underground forum to one of the largest message boards of all time.

At some point the MDMA Clearinghouse collapsed and disappeared, although historic screen shots of the front page are still available through . While there have been many changes, Bluelight is still maintained by volunteers and a strong community spirit continues to evolve.

In October of 2005 the domain was switched to "bluelight.ru".

Includes a detailed timeline as well.

http://wiki.bluelight.ru/index.php/History_of_Bluelight

 

[Jekyl Anhydride]

I missed that bit...I though he had CT'd...lyrica, valium and clonidine are indeed excellent...I found that they help more with shorter acting opiates than methadone though for the simple reason that you don't want to remain on the support meds too long and meth withdrawls go on for weeks and weeks.

I would add thoigh that even at 15mg, if you think that they will be over in just a week to 10 days or so that he is in for a shock

At 15mg the acute stage should be over in roughly 10 days IME as a Patient advocate at the MMT clinic I volunteered at. The W/D will continue but with his other meds I don't think it will be all that horrendous as he's still sleeping. I'm not going to speculate towards the negative in the early stages as I think positive support is far more helpful than speculating on failure and suffering. With everything this guy has gone through I'm not about to try and detract from his motivation. If I'm sugar coating a little bit then fine but in the early stages I'd rather motivate and deal with the early post acute when it starts.

 

[Backfromthebrink]

At 15mg the acute stage should be over in roughly 10 days IME as a Patient advocate at the MMT clinic I volunteered at. The W/D will continue but with his other meds I don't think it will be all that horrendous as he's still sleeping. I'm not going to speculate towards the negative in the early stages as I think positive support is far more helpful than speculating on failure and suffering. With everything this guy has gone through I'm not about to try and detract from his motivation. If I'm sugar coating a little bit then fine but in the early stages I'd rather motivate and deal with the early post acute when it starts.

I see your point and encouragement is fine but i disagree strongly with your timeline..... I also work in the medical field now after my "other" career ended and have done so for many years and acute methadone withdrawls are simply NOT over in 10 days from 15mg.

Yes you don't want to discourage him but bullshitting doesnt help either...and im on about acute WDs not PAWS.



edit ...im not saying it will be horrendous with the use of his support meds but to expect the WDs to be over thst fast is goes against simply every medical paper ever written on the subject and my personal 12 years as a paramedic working in a city in the UK plagued by heroin where a huge number of people are on methadone (then there's my personal experience but that was at another level)

 

[Jekyl Anhydride]

Okay fine you win, but instead of tossing out absolutes lets let him report on how it goes and dispense with the speculating contest. I think he's got a good chance of making it however long it lasts. Lyrica, Valium & Clonidine is a great recipe for success.

 

[Backfromthebrink]

Okay fine you win, but instead of tossing out absolutes lets let him report on how it goes and dispense with the speculating contest. I think he's got a good chance of making it however long it lasts. Lyrica, Valium & Clonidine is a great recipe for success.

I'm not trying to argue with you....just debate..

And I wish him the best if luck too. As hard as it is, if anyone says its impossible they are wrong . if the will is there then he will succeed..

I genuinely hope he does and my offer to help him in anyway i can still stands..

peace.

 

[Jekyl Anhydride]

Thanks man. I appreciate it. It's fortunate to have people with extensive medical knowledge like yourself and it an asset to BL.