Tonight was one of the worst nights I've had in a very long time. I had a pet rat, and she was so sweet and friendly. I brought her out to play like I do every night. She crawled into my arms and I started to rub her below her ears, that's her favorite spot to be pet. The she started coughing/ Wheezing and within a few seconds she started shaking then stopped moving altogether. I panicked then and gave her rat CPR, but still no movement. I feel so awful as in sick to my stomach, I can't help but feel this was my fault. I don't know what happened. I loved her so much. She's gone. It all happened in my arms. She was too young to die less than a year, so I feel that this is my fault. How can I make amends? I don't think I can. What happens to a rat when they die? I can't help thinking about her and where she is now. She was one of my best friends, she used to take sips off my beers and enjoyed a smoke-out every now and again. I miss her so much already. I feel so much guilt right now and I deserve it.

