goodnitestar
Bluelighter
i found you , sitting, talking of great writters, past love, and death. Overheard bits of how you just lost your dad, and how you had to sell your car, just to pay for the casket.
That night you were with a friend at the all night rest stop, smoking and drinking coffee.
As I sat adjacent to your smoke rings, and your last cup of time. In awe, in envy, I listend in, with hints of sorrow I sighed, and wrote of nothing aimlessly to kill the hours. Drinking cups of liquid bordom, pretending to have a pulse. When I think half of me already left the earth.
later that month , we were the only two kids in the gas station , about 2am, disalusioned quiet night. Both of us passing through the candy isle, looking for something sweet to counter the bitter cold evening. We looked prepared for more than nothing. But nothing was all we had that night.
You calmly stoped, stared. and blinked , casual smiles, as we paid, and went on our way.
me to my car, you to your sidewalk, and i stared, in confusion. My eyes melting gauking at your sagging warn pants held up by a studded belt, messy hair, and a simple t-shirt, stained with life. As you were passionatly walking towards some unknown destiny.
But maybee you knew you were alive....
and felt your pulse, with fury, you chose.
Suddenly wondering why I didnt offer you a ride. as you seemed anxious to smoke one from your pack of Basics. i sped away , music loud, the kind I thought you might be impressed by, as If I might see you again, ever. And i knew , i should have known better. Always trying to impress strangers, always.
Packing my cigarretts, and firing one up , even as my lungs choke on the smoke, i am feining like an addict. ~this isn't me? what happend to the kid that hand no addictions, not a single need, for anything, or anyone. ~ I smoked the whole pack that night, driving around. Looking for more than just that, looking to see more than just steam from the sewer, police cars, making their rounds. And then again , I was in love with it all,with the nothingness, with the street lights, and the casual drunks swaying across the median. It was where I belonged , exact and perfect.
~and uneasy
The bloodiest fight, stopped me only for seconds to pause and keep the gas going. Not to look to close, for fear it could be someone i may have seen before. And I worried I might care, not ever wanting to care again.
Death makes your heart a quiet place to hide, where the door is unlocked, and then slammed shut, your stuck. Waiting, sitting, anxious calm~ hoping for someone to let you out.
within a few miles down I noticed you were standing at the bus stop, you that beautiful dirty stranger. Has it only been 30 minutes now, or has time just stopped completly
The rain I had anticipated started in , and the wind was picking up my heart and tossing it around my skin. Finally breathing , without the smoke in my way.
Would I be bold enouph to spill my indepence, and break the bond of the steering wheel?
seperating trust, and the itching of nieve stupidity.
Ive been though this all before, ive taken in more than ive ever got in return. Yet your face , and the memory of it all, elected me to attraction, and passion surged through my hips.
With a single million thoughts of hatred for it all at the same moment...
desparate for comman conversation. You smiled, ndolently I aksed you if you wanted a ride. And you smiled even more, got in the passenger seat, and said "thank you, so much, this really means a lot to me."
And we both lit up a cigarrette , and listened to the music, and fell towards the east end of town. Shivering from the small crack of air, to let out the smoke, and the irony.
TO BE CONTINUED......
[ 22 November 2002: Message edited by: goodnitestar ]
[ 22 November 2002: Message edited by: goodnitestar ]
That night you were with a friend at the all night rest stop, smoking and drinking coffee.
As I sat adjacent to your smoke rings, and your last cup of time. In awe, in envy, I listend in, with hints of sorrow I sighed, and wrote of nothing aimlessly to kill the hours. Drinking cups of liquid bordom, pretending to have a pulse. When I think half of me already left the earth.
later that month , we were the only two kids in the gas station , about 2am, disalusioned quiet night. Both of us passing through the candy isle, looking for something sweet to counter the bitter cold evening. We looked prepared for more than nothing. But nothing was all we had that night.
You calmly stoped, stared. and blinked , casual smiles, as we paid, and went on our way.
me to my car, you to your sidewalk, and i stared, in confusion. My eyes melting gauking at your sagging warn pants held up by a studded belt, messy hair, and a simple t-shirt, stained with life. As you were passionatly walking towards some unknown destiny.
But maybee you knew you were alive....
and felt your pulse, with fury, you chose.
Suddenly wondering why I didnt offer you a ride. as you seemed anxious to smoke one from your pack of Basics. i sped away , music loud, the kind I thought you might be impressed by, as If I might see you again, ever. And i knew , i should have known better. Always trying to impress strangers, always.
Packing my cigarretts, and firing one up , even as my lungs choke on the smoke, i am feining like an addict. ~this isn't me? what happend to the kid that hand no addictions, not a single need, for anything, or anyone. ~ I smoked the whole pack that night, driving around. Looking for more than just that, looking to see more than just steam from the sewer, police cars, making their rounds. And then again , I was in love with it all,with the nothingness, with the street lights, and the casual drunks swaying across the median. It was where I belonged , exact and perfect.
~and uneasy
The bloodiest fight, stopped me only for seconds to pause and keep the gas going. Not to look to close, for fear it could be someone i may have seen before. And I worried I might care, not ever wanting to care again.
Death makes your heart a quiet place to hide, where the door is unlocked, and then slammed shut, your stuck. Waiting, sitting, anxious calm~ hoping for someone to let you out.
within a few miles down I noticed you were standing at the bus stop, you that beautiful dirty stranger. Has it only been 30 minutes now, or has time just stopped completly
The rain I had anticipated started in , and the wind was picking up my heart and tossing it around my skin. Finally breathing , without the smoke in my way.
Would I be bold enouph to spill my indepence, and break the bond of the steering wheel?
seperating trust, and the itching of nieve stupidity.
Ive been though this all before, ive taken in more than ive ever got in return. Yet your face , and the memory of it all, elected me to attraction, and passion surged through my hips.
With a single million thoughts of hatred for it all at the same moment...
desparate for comman conversation. You smiled, ndolently I aksed you if you wanted a ride. And you smiled even more, got in the passenger seat, and said "thank you, so much, this really means a lot to me."
And we both lit up a cigarrette , and listened to the music, and fell towards the east end of town. Shivering from the small crack of air, to let out the smoke, and the irony.
TO BE CONTINUED......
[ 22 November 2002: Message edited by: goodnitestar ]
[ 22 November 2002: Message edited by: goodnitestar ]
