Dear Prudence (wouldn't mind any kind of feedback on this one)

[Raz]

What the fuck kind of name is Prudence anyway?

You're fucking 27 and there's nothing prudent about you. You're a waste of time and space that attached itself to me like some kind of white trash singularity, all acne and shrillness and reeking cigarette smoke.

And like a singularity (or so they say), you've got this whole fat galaxy of losers and bright shining suckers growing in bloated idiocy all around you, all the time. I'm just some fucked up constellation, dead years ago with you waiting to eat my leftover light, but I'm too fucking stupid to realise it half the time. And when I do realise it, it's too late.

Fuck you, Prudence. Fuck you and your nagging shrew ways, and the way you hold me in your gravity well with your obesity of body and character. I was meant to be more than this, I was the special one. But nobody's as special as the stinking black hole that steals life from everything around it so it can feel more special. Nobody's as special as you.

Dear Prudence....that song was never about you. That song was about a woman. Fuck you. Nobody wants you to come out and play, but you do anyway. You do whatever the fuck you want anyway and everything else decays around you while you do it.

Happy Anniversary.

 

[(Wordy)]

There's an angry, dark energy to this which comes across well.

Love this metaphor:

I'm just some fucked up constellation, dead years ago with you waiting to eat my leftover light

And I love the ending - even though it may be factual (?), it still works as a nice twist.

I think generally the black hole metaphor is working well, but on its own it's kind of abstract - I think you need to balance this with some specific details about Prudence. You describe facets of her personality, without offering specific examples / situations - if you add some of these, I think she'll come to life more for the reader.

 

[colicolo]

the way you hold me in your gravity well with your obesity of body and character

seems like you've written about a character that only that charachter wouldnt recognise. i thought this one was really cool. one of my favourties from your collection.

 

[Amanita Mary]

oh my goodness...what a fabulous fucking rant! i love it. i have nothing really to critique.

all acne and shrillness and reeking cigarette smoke.

^this part makes me happy...

 

[IXinX]

Is prudence a slut?
what a dichotomy

 

[Strawberry_lovemuffin]

I'm waiting on your novel, Raz. You have a real Irvine Welsh grittiness to your prose - sharp and witty. And your characters are so real, they reach out from the screen and poke you in the eye!

The fact they're probably based on real people does nothing to dilute the fact they're terrific fictional characters too. Writing about real people can be boring but you seem able to make them interesting.

 

[Tiredhands]

...

I really like this. I've read it a few times before I actually knew what to say. Why is it that it's so hard to let go of the things that are bad for us? Maybe it's because those things take all of our strength and hold it just out of reach.

Or, you know, maybe it's for the words.