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Dear Grandma

T

TheDeceased

Ex-Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 21, 2000
Messages
1,720
Location
Beyond the Grave
Corpses
Fucking butter menthol chewing astronauts
Floating weightless through self-induced delerium
Retirement of the soul has left holes in their brains
Though they seem to walk and breathe, they aren’t really there
Ghosts with fingerprints; Like headless chickens, they roam in circles
Commenting on the weather, blood soaked feathers and all
Oh zombie grandmother can we smother you already
And put you out of your fucking misery?
You’re like a talking steak on my dinner plate
Re-animated flake, battered and swimming nowhere
I hate your wrinkled face and your funky smell
If you don’t want to do it yourself for fear of going to hell
Then I’ll kill you (It’d be my pleasure)
Blugeon you to death with your dentures or a bed pan
Leave you with more dignity than you’re heading towards
Cause at the moment you shit yourself and drool
You’re nothing but a decrepit mumbling rancid old fool
So let me shove a pillow in your face, nan
Or beat your scull in with a medi-eval mace
I don’t want a fucking crocheted hat
Or anything made of lace for that matter
Your as batty as the Mad Hatter on a bad day
You nightmare, you ghoul, go away and fucking stay that way
Die grandma, die
And then at least I can get high
On the inheritance
 
It is really dark but now I've reread it I can appreciate the imagery/ humour you were going for, especially with the last few lines.

Sorry if my initial reaction was harsh - I'm quite sensitive about how we treat/ speak about elderly people but it wasn't an attack on you or anything! :)
 
Fair enough. It wasn't supposed to be literal. Just some silly fun. I'm not going to kill your grandparents... (well not today anyway - I have some small animals to torture first)

;)
 
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Man, my friend used to go around talking about waiting for his grandma to die so he could get her mustang. Fucking duck. (He got it.)
 
up all night said:
This was pretty fucking horrible so if that was the point, good job.
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Even if it is offensive, some poetry can be. If the artist is going for shock value, that's their business. I think one of the rules of the Words forum is:

3. POSITIVE CRITICISM ONLY
The moderators would like to keep the atmosphere in this forum as POSITIVE as possible. We don’t want to discourage anyone from posting, and we understand that some matters are very personal and may be difficult for people to post. Therefore, please only reply when you can do so in a POSITIVE manner. If you don’t like a piece of writing, then move on. Negative comments will be modified or deleted as the moderators see fit. Our guiding principle is to keep drama to a minimum.
 
Well, in my defence, I didn't say the writing was horrible, I said the content was. I also did point out that if that was the point of the exercise then he did the job well, and it kinda was the point of his piece. :)
 
Yeah I wasn't offended.. and up all night is right - I was trying to shock/offend people anyway.

Also I like people to be brutally honest about things that I write. I don't want to live in some sort of delusional bubble in which all negative criticism is filtered out because then I won't really know what people think and I won't be able to improve myself as a writer. I'm not a strong believer in the "positive criticism only" clause of this particular sub-forum. In fact it's practically the only thing that bothers me about Words.

I should put a 'Please critique as harshly as you see fit' comment after everything I write. No matter how much people dislike something I've come up with, it's not going to upset me in the slightest.
 
^ Good to hear. Because you know I do really like your writing. I do agree with the positive criticism clause for the most part though, but then I think with regular posters you know whether they'd be able to handle criticism without them having to say it on everything they write.

a100unitSHOT: I forgot to say that it's really refreshing to see someone who has actually read the guidelines!
 
It reminded me of how I imagine Irvine Welsh writes poetry. Well done.

Also, for a moment there I thought you might be my nephew... ;)
 
a100 - that was positive as shit what r u talking about. i mean common he gets free money and gets to go get high for free! where is the down side?
 
damn dude, that's harsh. you must not like here very much to say the least :D
 
TheDeceased said:
It wasn't supposed to be literal. Just some silly fun.
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I love my grandma. The piece is more of an outlet for repressed feelings I have had building up from working in and around Nursing Facilities for the past couple of years... Also I watched my grandfather deteriorate from Alzheimer's disease for the fifteen years leading up to his death. There are some people whose lives should not be sustained and it seems to me that they are kept going purely for the sake of it. The reality of people with advanced dementia is pretty horiffic and although I don't literally believe in everything I said in this piece, I do strongly believe that a lot of people would be better off dead. Before anyone disagrees with this or gets offended by it, try caring for an eighty year old that can't sustain a conversation or manage their bowels. Throughout his life my grandfather was a fisherman, a bricklayer and a poet but when he died he was hardly a man.
 
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