Dealing with your friends breakups

[Black Rabbit of Inle]

So my couple friends ended a 3 year relationship this week and it ended in a pretty messy way. It was his birthday this week and she was feeling pretty shitty because all her close friends were going out, but she didn't want to risk running into him and causing trouble, so I went to hang out with her for the night so she wasn't alone.

Now they're both good friends of mine (I met them both before the relationship started and I want to be supportive for both of them, but he's being a dick about the whole thing so I'm more inclined to sympathize with her.

So last night, we were drinking and watching movies and she started cuddling up to me and being flirtatious. Granted, I do have a thing for her, but I told her to stop, because it's only been a couple of days since the breakup and I didn't want her to do anything she'd regret. She got really offended by this and went to bed. I was hoping that she wouldn't remember in the morning, but she was still rather cold towards me and I left pretty early.

Now I'm just confused, should I say something to her or just leave it for a while before even attempting to talk to her again?

 

[llama112]

You did the right thing. She was probably feeling super lonely, vulnerable, etc. If I were you, I'd just try to pretend like it never happened, ask her to hang out as per usual, and just go from there. It is a tough situation but it's probably better to ignore her being flirtatious, at least for now.

 

[Pretty_Diamonds]

Eh, normal hormones due to drinking and being depressed from the break-up. She wanted you to be her rebound but you stopped her. She probably knew/thought you liked her during the relationship, too which is why she felt kind of ... confident to make a move. Later on she will realize that it's just bad timing. You did the right thing. Just check up on her, make sure she's okay. Don't feed into the drama.

 

[pokepoke420]

You did the right thing. She was probably feeling super lonely, vulnerable, etc. If I were you, I'd just try to pretend like it never happened, ask her to hang out as per usual, and just go from there. It is a tough situation but it's probably better to ignore her being flirtatious, at least for now.

This... Good for you to not give in.

 

[Black Rabbit of Inle]

She probably knew/thought you liked her during the relationship, too which is why she felt kind of ... confident to make a move.

Hell, if it were any other time and she was single I'd have made a move on her. It's just, I'm not a douche, I knew she was feeling vulnerable and lonely (which is why I was hanging out with her for the night in the first place), her ex is still a good friend of mine and I don't want to do anything to piss him off either.

I was just shocked that the next day, rather than her ignoring it, she was still pissed at me for it. I didn't even try to bring it up and try to sort things out for fear of making things worse.

I don't want to have to avoid hanging out with her right now and I don't want to continue making her pissed at me. Would it be right to bring it up with her to try to talk it out, or is it better to pretend the whole thing never happened?

 

[Maya]

For me, I have always been straight up honest about my feelings and if I know that I have to talk about something regarding a situation I don't hold back. This has worked for me in many ways. If I were you, I would talk to her and bring it up and just honestly tell her your thoughts. Some people don't realize how lucky they are to have good friends and I don't think she realizes that so a little bit of discussion might.

 

[Mel22]

Being pissy at you the next day is immature, ungrateful and illogical.

You could speak to her about it, or you could simply give her some space. The second option might be a good idea until she's in a state where she's a little more reasonable.

 

[Pagey]

Hell, if it were any other time and she was single I'd have made a move on her. It's just, I'm not a douche, I knew she was feeling vulnerable and lonely (which is why I was hanging out with her for the night in the first place), her ex is still a good friend of mine and I don't want to do anything to piss him off either.

I was just shocked that the next day, rather than her ignoring it, she was still pissed at me for it. I didn't even try to bring it up and try to sort things out for fear of making things worse.

I don't want to have to avoid hanging out with her right now and I don't want to continue making her pissed at me. Would it be right to bring it up with her to try to talk it out, or is it better to pretend the whole thing never happened?

If she'd acted normal the next day I would have suggested the two of you never mention it again and act as if nothing had never happened, but considering her attitude towards you I would definitely talk to her about it. Maybe give it a few days and see if her attitude towards you goes back to normal? But if not yeah, I think you should bring it up. You did the right thing without a doubt and it's pretty unfair of her to put you in this position. If she continues to stay annoyed at you, ignoring the problem will just keep things awkward and it would be a shame to lose a friend over something like this.

 

[Pretty_Diamonds]

Hell, if it were any other time and she was single I'd have made a move on her. It's just, I'm not a douche, I knew she was feeling vulnerable and lonely (which is why I was hanging out with her for the night in the first place), her ex is still a good friend of mine and I don't want to do anything to piss him off either.

I was just shocked that the next day, rather than her ignoring it, she was still pissed at me for it. I didn't even try to bring it up and try to sort things out for fear of making things worse.

I don't want to have to avoid hanging out with her right now and I don't want to continue making her pissed at me. Would it be right to bring it up with her to try to talk it out, or is it better to pretend the whole thing never happened?

I would say brush it under the rug.. but if she's still mad, maybe bring it up to her. Like super causally though, hey, you're not mad about the other night, right? I just wanted to be there for you, as a friend, but he's still my bro, you know. Hell, if it were any other time, it would have been different.. ;] If she's still mad, there's a good chance that she either A) Liked you (waah). B) Thought you liked her (just kick her while she's down). OR maybe, she's mad because she's embarrassed.....

 

[Black Rabbit of Inle]

So I didn't mention it for a couple of days and she contacts me yesterday to talk about it.

She said she was feeling upset, lonely and unloved and wanted validation. She apologized for it all and was grateful that I stopped her and didn't take advantage of the situation, she also apologized for being pissed at me the next day, and that she was more pissed off at herself.

Things are all good again, thanks for the advice guys.