Hello BL
I am 7 days clean after deciding to quit everything...by everything I mean opiates, alcohol, and stims. I was using these daily for a while and my withdrawals have been pure hell. Wicked insomnia, shakes, sweats, and my personal favorite, anxiety. The physical part is finally receding, but the problems that I created in my addiction are just overwhelming my thoughts.
I am trying to be completely honest about the fact that my behavior has caused everything that is wrong in my life. I got fired (absenteeism) got a 2nd DUI (benzo blackout), let my house go all to hell, and incurred massive financial troubles, including bad checks still out. I was fortunate enough to get my job back, only because I am represented by a labor union, but it is on a strict probationary basis, which means that I CANNOT fuck up AT ALL for a long time. Just getting there is a constant worry since I cannot drive and will not be able to drive for a long time.
Now I realize that continuing this pattern will have grave and irreparable consequences. But the anxiety that consumes me when I think about how I am going to fix this mess is simply unbearable. That is what is threatening to drive me back to using something, ANYTHING, to take my mind off of the situation. I have no non-chemical coping skills at all. Add this to the fact that I never really learned how to enjoy living sober and you have a recipe for relapse. In the past I have accumulated, at the most, about 60 days clean time and then I start feeling like I can manage a few beers at a bar or a few pills or a few hits. It always leads me back to where I was and then some.
I simply cannot afford to slip up any more.
Any inspirational stories about overcoming these obstacles would be more than welcome at this time
Peace,
C.
I am 7 days clean after deciding to quit everything...by everything I mean opiates, alcohol, and stims. I was using these daily for a while and my withdrawals have been pure hell. Wicked insomnia, shakes, sweats, and my personal favorite, anxiety. The physical part is finally receding, but the problems that I created in my addiction are just overwhelming my thoughts.
I am trying to be completely honest about the fact that my behavior has caused everything that is wrong in my life. I got fired (absenteeism) got a 2nd DUI (benzo blackout), let my house go all to hell, and incurred massive financial troubles, including bad checks still out. I was fortunate enough to get my job back, only because I am represented by a labor union, but it is on a strict probationary basis, which means that I CANNOT fuck up AT ALL for a long time. Just getting there is a constant worry since I cannot drive and will not be able to drive for a long time.
Now I realize that continuing this pattern will have grave and irreparable consequences. But the anxiety that consumes me when I think about how I am going to fix this mess is simply unbearable. That is what is threatening to drive me back to using something, ANYTHING, to take my mind off of the situation. I have no non-chemical coping skills at all. Add this to the fact that I never really learned how to enjoy living sober and you have a recipe for relapse. In the past I have accumulated, at the most, about 60 days clean time and then I start feeling like I can manage a few beers at a bar or a few pills or a few hits. It always leads me back to where I was and then some.
I simply cannot afford to slip up any more.
Any inspirational stories about overcoming these obstacles would be more than welcome at this time
Peace,
C.