Mental Health Dealing with the loss of your community/'scene'/life

[Cartesia]

It's been about 6-7 years since there was a real rave here. Even if someone put one on today, people wouldn't know what to do if they actually did end up there by accident..

Anyhow.. I had invested my entire life into the scene. This is what I wanted to do. I wasn't just a punter, I was a DJ, I wanted to throw my own parties once I had the money. This was to be my life. I was happy. I felt comfortable around these people. I could express things I normally could not. Then everything died.

I got into it all just a few years earlier... well had been following the music for many years, but went to my first party in 2003. So I never really got my 'fill' of it - I was just reaching the peak of my experience and all of a sudden - nothing. I used to either be talking to ravers, mixing, planning. I'd fall asleep listening to music and dream all night about crazy surreal fantasy parties. Then I'm left with nothing but the dreams with no hope that theyll ever happen.

As this happened most of my friends moved away - interstate/overseas - being at the age where we were finishing university, etc. None of them really seemed as invested in things as I was though, and it's never really bothered any of them that it's all over. My other group of friends also broke up at the same point, leaving me with a couple close highschool mates, but they were heading in very different directions, and never were involved in any 'scene' or anything beyond smoking weed a few times... they were as we refer to them... 'norms'

About that time I stumbled upon opiates ~ Being a 'try everything once' kinda person. Of course, in my situation it was probably the worst time in life to be trying something like that. They helped. Normal life became pretty interesting. I didn't remember so painfully what I had lost. Now I've pretty much run the course, through to the point where I'm going through stages of winding down my dose slowly, then something tough happens and I kick it up... but I'm no longer digging myself deeper. I know it will end eventually... It's just when I remember what I once had - everything seems so utterly shit. So I suppose now I'm not really trying to get high (cant afford to anyway if I maintain 1 dose a day), just self medicating for that same issue.

How do people adjust to normal life after this kind of thing? Everyone being so much more insular/less open, the flat range of emotions between 'the best' and 'the worst'... I know there are still communities out there that prefer the high/low peak to the regular range, and are just as open... but they are not about what I am... I feel like I'm out of place, or sometimes that theyre just full of shit - as is sometimes the case.

I feel like if I had had more time/memories, I would be OK... Like if things had just gradually faded as we got older, Id look back on it as a golden time.. but because it was so suddenly torn from me, and everyone just scattered.. It hurts. There's no oldschool/reunion things happening here. No more forums/etc. I'm completely disconnected - but whenever I hear a song I remember, it tears me back into this kind of painful nostalgia... I do remember how great the times were, but I feel pretty much the same level of heartbreak that I felt when the first girl I loved left me. Possibly more. I think perhaps there is an element of illusion here, due to my naivety earlier in those times... and I guess I do generally miss the times when I was younger and not so cynical about the world. I think often people (and myself) end up dealing with these feelings with incredibly dark senses of humor.. and most of the time this is me... But sometimes it is just hard as hell. I still have my records & decks though, thank god. I've somehow managed to not pawn that shit off. But maybe thats just holding me back. I'm better when I'm not thinking about it. If I could remove every trigger maybe I could forget altogether.

Some people I've spoken to have suggested antidepressants, but I'm afraid to go near most of them, because I've seen people turned into soulless zombies from such things. The opiates are not really an issue anymore. What's done is done and things can only get better from here in that regard (get a limited supply from pharmacies), unless a door-to-door heroin salesman knocks on my door. Thankfully I've never known anyone from that scene.

This has been a problem for me since things ended, but it actually seems to be getting worse. Maybe that's just because of opiate tolerance building and not covering it so much though. I never really considered it to be full blown depression.. for a while I was truely depressed and I'm not there at the moment. But I guess I should consider the fact that the reason I DO get out of bed is because I need to get high. Maybe it is depression.

Surely there are some others here on BL who have had to deal with this kind of thing? Any ideas/thoughts/relateable experiences would be appreciated...

It's funny... sometimes it makes me so happy to see what has happened with regard to dance music... How accepted it is now compared to when I was first getting into it when it was not something 'normal' at all... But then you look a bit closer and see how shallow and soulless it's become.. The alcohol, the attitudes, peoples reasons for going... Honestly I think I was happier when this kind of thing wasn't around in my face all the time, everywhere I go - reminding me how much better things were.

 

[Jerry Atrick]

Getting old sucks, doesn't it?

Right now I think the most appropriate thing to say is that you're not alone. Imagine the end of every counterculture movement in the past few decades. I'm sure the beatniks felt the same way. The hippies too. It seems like every generation has a group of people that ends up feeling the way you feel right now. I know I've felt that way myself. The best advice I can give is to try your hardest to stop living in the past and to find something else to look forward to. Here and now is where it's at. And if you have time, maybe think about the future.

 

[Foreigner]

I went to an all night dance party last night (what they're called now instead of "raves", which are illegal these days), and it was great. It was held in a private art studio and was word of mouth only, and off the grid. My city is small so I imagine raves are still happening, but in an underground fashion.

The North American authorities banded together to kill the rave scene, and then enacted ordinances to make it impossible for future raves to be held. In many areas, raves are illegal now. Seems like anything that promotes community, fun, connection, and bliss is outlawed. They don't want people getting distracted from "productivity" by feeling good all the time. I think it's primarily about a) controlling consciousness, and b) money.

I'm very unimpressed with the general offering of fun events in my city, mostly because they are held at clubs or bars that are very alcohol oriented which is incredibly boring. I'm told that it didn't used to be this way 10 years ago (before I moved here), but the same is true of the city I grew up in.

I'm finding it incredibly difficult to find CONSCIOUS community that has fun events I can connect with. Last night I got a taste of old school raving again, and I really miss it. It's the only scene I've been in where people can be themselves, alter themselves at their leisure, yet still maintain love and respect for everyone around. Mainstream clubs are so boring.

So OP... I guess all I've done here is bitch without providing a solution. How to deal with loss of community? I've dealt with it by getting into a career I have a passion for, by being selective about the friends I keep as company, and by trying my best to outwardly project the kind of compassion and acceptance of others that I myself would like to find in community. As for actual venues where creative collectives gather -- I am finding they are becoming more and more scarce. Government has not just made raves illegal but according to my contacts, arts funding is being cut across the board.

That said, another way I cope is in knowing that the more oppressive the system becomes, the more they will plant the seeds of the next movement. It has worked that way throughout all history. Oppression brings renaissance, usually after a struggle. It's the cycle of power that humanity is stuck in.

 

[herbavore]

How do people adjust to normal life after this kind of thing? Everyone being so much more insular/less open, the flat range of emotions between 'the best' and 'the worst'... I know there are still communities out there that prefer the high/low peak to the regular range, and are just as open... but they are not about what I am... I feel like I'm out of place, or sometimes that theyre just full of shit - as is sometimes the case.

I am an old hippie and I think I understand somewhat what you mean. There was a lot of diversity in that scene in the 60's/70's--it wasn't all the same but we were all united basically riding along on a wave of euphoria at having punched through the thin veneer of what passed as normal respectability in the 50's to what we saw as a more compassionate and real way of perceiving life. When the movement itself started to get co-opted and commercialized and individual friends began to reject it as a utopia and to embrace more conservative norms again, it was disturbing. Basically, I continued to seek out communities where the ethics and philosophy of the movement persist. My family has always laughed at me (in an affectionate way) and thought of it as somewhat pathetic but that doesn't bother me. I know that this is a slightly different situation because I am talking about a way of life that was not dependent on events like raves or parties but there is still crossover. I agree with Jerry about trying not to live in the past but I think there are ways to continue to evolve while still bringing with you what you loved about that scene. I'm sure that one of the things you loved the most was the sense of communal magic as well as the freedom and energy. Maybe dissecting those elements and looking for ways to keep them in your life, though not all together and not in the same way as before will re-energize you.

Some people I've spoken to have suggested antidepressants, but I'm afraid to go near most of them, because I've seen people turned into soulless zombies from such things.

Don't go down that road unless everything else fails and your symptoms get unbearable. There are so many other things to try first. The old standard is nothing to scoff at: exercise, good diet, good sleep habits. After that, what is important is to try to create the life you want rather waiting for t to happen.

But I guess I should consider the fact that the reason I DO get out of bed is because I need to get high. Maybe it is depression.

Surely there are some others here on BL who have had to deal with this kind of thing? Any ideas/thoughts/relateable experiences would be appreciated...

I think it is a very good thing that you are looking at the roots of your depression and I feel sure that you are going to be able to turn it around. It sounds situational and everything can change.

 

[shocker1885]

I am in the same mindset, the electronic scene has changed and gone mainstream, but I can still feel that "energy" and still run into plenty of true heads like myself that are genuinely there for the love of the music, but instead of being upset that things are different, I look at the fresh younger crowd and just think to myself "these kids have no clue" and just smirk and be grateful that that chapter of my life had been written at all.

 

[Sleek65]

Im used to the festie scene and it was my life. About 4 momths ago i was injected with an anti psychotic.which snatched my soul... I feel like a crappy person now that has a hard time.finding gratitude. Im in a mental fog and feel not in touch with my surrounding like i used to i guess i just have to.wait.it out so.it gets.out of.my system.

 

[Cartesia]

Hey guys.. thanks for the support...

To the guy with the waaay underground scene... I'm jealous! If there was a scene here, even just 10 people in a shed, I'd be there every time/know about it. Unless there's something entirely new brewing from way out left field. One can only hope.

I know that the best way out is to build a new life... but nothing has ever worked me up so much or driven me so hard.

Some of you touched on something I didn't mention.. its not just about the parties.. it's the lifestyle I've chosen. The community gave my lifestyle a sense of 'validation' I guess. Now I very much empathise with the hippies who remain after most hung it up. Alot of them made much bigger changes than I did.

I think part of what I miss most is the 'escapist' vibe. Now you go to a club (the same one as last week). You take your smartphone that brings all of your worries with you. Everyone's on display at the meatmarket, trying to pickup. Nobody checks their issues at the door. Its always the same as last time.

There's no sense of mystery/adventure, no anti-establishment 'doing it our way' sentiment. Before it was like stepping through the back of your closet into narnia, now it's like going down to the pub, except there's flashing lights and different music.

I guess its just left foot, right foot, try to look upon the good times.... But I'll always keep one eye open... in case something like that ever happens again. (and despite my bleak outlook on humanity's drives and urges these days, hopefully it will)

This song pretty much sums up my feelings... in the very best way, except for the fact that then is not now.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RmpCieedtDU

 

[Ketastrophy]

Move to NY. The rave scene in Brooklyn is still very much alive, and there is consistently good warehouse parties. There's also plenty of great outdoor daytime parties, rooftop parties, etc.

 

[Cyc]

You boarded a ship, it ran its course and you've been dropped off at shore. Yet, it's been months and you're still standing on the pier waiting for it to come back. The truth is, there probably are parties going on in your area and you just don't know about them.

Eventually the party ends. How do you adjust to 'normal' life? You suck it up and work on yourself. Work your ass off at something. Nothing feeds mental illness like idle hands.

 

[neversickanymore]

How do people adjust to normal life after this kind of thing?

why would you want to do this.. your thinking in black and white.. since this scene seems to be gone then I must conform.. no.. there is a whole world out there.. and you can do whatever you choose.. so what are YOU going to do?

 

[herbavore]

Hey, Cartesia. I was thinking about you (and this thread) and also what it touched in me when I originally responded when I went to this event this weekend. Many of the people there were the people who have been fighting quietly and persistently for plant medicines for many years. The presenters at this gathering (check out the descriptions) were of all ages. It was wonderful to see how the past manifests in the present. It made me think about your last post in particular as well as something Foreigner said about the rave scene being a place where people could come together and be themselves, transform themselves without inhibitions, embrace individual creativity and mass communion at the same time and enter into such a rich collective reality. Each of you that experienced the magic that was created in that time and place holds both the knowledge of that magic and is thereby a product of it. I think that there is something added to the collective vision by keeping this knowledge alive. Foreingner makes a good point that "the more oppressive the system becomes, the more they will plant the seeds of the next movement. It has worked that way throughout all history."

I think that what we all crave is that group energy, that ancient tribal oneness along with the freedom that comes with knowing that our community or group embraces our authentic selves.

 

[Foreigner]

^ Very true. It just keeps getting reinvented because the basic human drive is there... much like the reason why people continuously do drugs and party despite harsh laws against them.

Diverging a bit from what was said above, I don't think it has to be about permanently departing from the scene and moving on with life vs. always staying in the scene. I'd be content with one awesome party a month. Don't get me wrong, I love the parties a lot... but the people I meet at them are more important. If I could form a core group that's fun and creative to be around, it would be less about the parties and more about the communion with other likeminded people.

My dry spell right now has more to do with finding creative community than it does raves. I'm extremely concerned that the up and coming generation has been deprived of creative influences more so than even mine (when the degeneration started), and the system is in full support of it.

There's a nude beach in my city that was always known as the hippie beach. The naturists wouldn't allow loud stereos, irreverent behavior, garbage, etc there. They planted gardens, held drumming circles, shared drugs, and it was a peaceful community. It was a place where all the oddballs could go and find acceptance. It the one place that encouraged me to move to the west coast.

Then the Olympics came and now the city has made it mainstream. It's filled with rude drunks all the time trashing the place. I was down there a few weeks ago and there were a group of 20 year olds sitting around, totally hammered, singing Lady Gaga on the guitar. It was really depressing to witness that, you have no idea. The socially acceptable ways that young people are made to connect in the year 2013 are a lot more commercial, cookie-cutter, and corporate. Yet on that same beach... the gardens were trashed, the hand-carved bench that one of the hippies spent all summer making was defaced, there are beer cans everywhere, and less than half of the beach is actually clotheless.

In my district, 80% of the public arts funding has been cut. Schools are not teaching arts as much anymore. The focus is on science and technology. Society is becoming more noticeably left-brained, consumerist, and money oriented. That's why the raves died - no, scratch that, were killed. They were supporting a counter-culture to the madness that is now endemic.

I'm just wondering how I can remedy this. My problem is not an inability to move on, but to meet those creative eccentric types. I could leave this city and move to a small hippie town, but I hear stories about how even those areas are changing as more and more crackdowns happen. Is creativity being stamped out across the board?

 

[dilated_pupils]

I read your OP and I'm thinking to myself your answer is so simple. To find happiness you need to create something with the love that you once had - revive it so to speak. Although I don't feel after reading the OP that you ever got a chance to watch it live. You involved yourself within the music but never took it to where you could & know you still could. I suggest getting back into the music ASAP even if it means messing around with Fruity Loops all day while you're weening off opiates.

I need to go take my own advice and do something with my life now. Good luck.

-dp