My dog is spoiled rotten. I'm in no way neglecting her. Sure I could be a better, happier person and she sees my mini-break downs but I don't take my sadness and frustration out on her. She's the only thing saving me right now, she's my baby. We played a few rounds of fetch and I took her on 2 long walks, getting ready for another one. If anything does happen or I have to go away or whatever I would want her to have a stable home and my parents would take her (even though I can't stand them right now..grr) so I am preparing for that, just in case. I just don't know what to do. I know I need help. I was turned down by 6 therapists or whatever they were today, I called the suicide hotline and they gave me a rack of numbers that turned me down. I was hung up on by the crisis hotline as well. I called a catholic church. I called a mental hospital. They offered to take me for intensive inpatient (cuz they wanted $$$$$) and another psychiatrist said he could see me if I had $200 for the appointment. I dont. I also have really, really good insurance. Its really frustrating and just feeds this negativity in my head that everyone is shutting me down. How can I get help if no one will accept me? It makes me feel so pathetic. I already look like a giant pussy for telling my 2 best friends and my roommate that I was suicidal and tried to kill myself and REALLY need help. My roommate (who's only known me a short while) is now all up in my business but I'm desperate and she is helping. She works for a doctor who is going to try to get me an emergency referral, I should find out tomorrow. She also gave me her prescription of Wellbutrin but Im not sure if I should be taking that without it prescribed to me. Pain pills? Sure. Anti-depression meds? I'm suddenly concerned for my health. LOL. I'm just so fucked up in the head and this depression is paralyzing me. I just feel so crazy and unbalanced and lost in my head. sucks.
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H&R Moderators: streaM Freak
Dealing with severe depression and trying to get clean (supplement/therapy advice)
- Thread starter beezkneez
- Start date
Nice hang in there.. wheels are turning.. patience and baby steps.. it gets better
Stiiiill struggling. Considering going away for the weekend with NO drugs to give me a head start. I keep screwing up. Has anyone ever heard of Welbutrin breaking you out in a terrible rash?? cuz that's what's happening to me. Got a referral to a psychologist.. baby steps..
I've been prescribed Welbutrin for a while before, never had a problem with it. Rashes can be stress induced, that might be your case. And that would benefit you quite a bit to go a full weekend with nothing, good luck 
If I were you, I would try to go completely cold turkey, but I have no experience in opiate withdrawals, so I can't so anything with certainty. I've been through benzo withdrawal, and it was quite shitty. Even though I knew that all I needed was a pill or drink to feel normal again, I still stuck through it because I wanted to get it over with as soon as possible.
If I were you, I would try to go completely cold turkey, but I have no experience in opiate withdrawals, so I can't so anything with certainty. I've been through benzo withdrawal, and it was quite shitty. Even though I knew that all I needed was a pill or drink to feel normal again, I still stuck through it because I wanted to get it over with as soon as possible.
Venrak
Bluelight Crew
^Keep it up! You can do this, and you will start to feel so much better!
Your doing great beezer
.. why are you always in a place where you can find drugs? If you have opiates in the house you are going to use them... are you keeping them in the house.
.. why are you always in a place where you can find drugs? If you have opiates in the house you are going to use them... are you keeping them in the house.Glad to see you made it three days..........hope you keep going. Also I hope you got in to see a therapist and/or psychiatrist. If you haven't I have some suggestions: If you have a primary care doc, ask his/her office to make the call; call you insurance company and ask them to help (I used to work for an ins. co. and it was my job to help out anyone calling who was having trouble finding someone); if you can get a therapist, that person should be able to refer you and cut through some of the red tape; if you haven't already, take the inpatient stint and they should set up up with appointsments before you are discharge (I also used to work on an inpatient dual diagnosis unit and it was my job to do the discharge planning).
P.S. I have 1 year, 10 months clean and sober and it feels damn good..................don't give up!
P.S. I have 1 year, 10 months clean and sober and it feels damn good..................don't give up!
I have a therapist appointment tomorrow finally, even though I can't afford it. I'll get the $ somehow though, I always do for drugs. They are always around because of reasons I'd rather not say but they will always be around until I move. Which will probably be after the holidays. I fucked up plenty since the last time I posted here but today I haven't used since Sunday. which was just 1 30.. nothing yesterday, nothing today. Well like a tiny tiny dot of sub to help with the anxiety and restlessness at night (fuckin HATE that). Got some rhiodola rosea, 5htp and St. Johns Wort in the mail today. Been feeling pretty good and like myself since Saturday after flipping out on a few people. Still have a world of trouble on my shoulders and a lot of crap to get out of but I'm positive today and that's all that matters, I guess. I usually fuck up after 3 or 4 days but I got the drugs out of my house (again) and hope to keep it that way for awhile. I owe 3 grand so I'm in a bit of trouble but I WILL do this.
PS- those 3 supplements plus a little exercise this morning have me feeling amaaaazing. I'll take it Thanks for the support, guys!
PS- those 3 supplements plus a little exercise this morning have me feeling amaaaazing. I'll take it
Thanks for the support, guys!
Damn good news beez.. I was just thinking about you yesterday and hoping you were doing well... keep at it beez!!!!!!
junegreenjeans
Bluelighter
Keep up the supplements and morning routine; really nodding my head and smiling after reading your last post. Think it's grand your doing you again.
Vaya
Bluelight Crew
kava kava is not really a good route for anxiety/depression ime
supps i recommend: fish oil, magnesium, rhodelia rhosea, ashwagndha, piracetam n choline
activities : write lists of things you want to accomplish each day and tick them off, do it by priority or chronologically w/e u prefer
swimming/running/sunshine/dog walks
i do recommend you see a psych or a dr you are comfortable talking with, it is a huge help to see things from a different perspective from someone who really listens
I just ended up quoting this, because I agree with the entirety of it. I would personally add L-Tyrosine (but the acetylated version, N-Acetyl-Tyrosine, to enhance absorption) and exchange piracetam for noopept.
A word of warning, though - supplements alone will likely not be the 'magic bullet' so many of us in recovery hope them to be. They will certainly help - theres no doubt about that. But pursuing people-oriented methods of re-establishing oneself is perhaps the best adjunct therapy for the recovering addict. CBT helped me in ways I find difficult to transcribe, only because the depth and breadth of positive things I learned through it precludes me from writing a "tl/dr" kind of post
I would certainly give it a try, though.
suboxone maintenance gave me a life.
to function without the CONSTANT thought of opiates.
I was also all alone.I lived in small hotel rooms and did OC's and heroin.
if you feel like your loneliness is driving you crazy,check out AA/NA.
I have a long history with bipolar and drug abuse.
where I live ,weed is considered medicine.
for me the mix of subs and high grade weed keeps me off the streets and in my
familys life without being the fuckup.
I'm not clean per se,but I have a LIFE.
tl;dr:suboxone as medicine,AA for social contact.
to function without the CONSTANT thought of opiates.
I was also all alone.I lived in small hotel rooms and did OC's and heroin.
if you feel like your loneliness is driving you crazy,check out AA/NA.
I have a long history with bipolar and drug abuse.
where I live ,weed is considered medicine.
for me the mix of subs and high grade weed keeps me off the streets and in my
familys life without being the fuckup.
I'm not clean per se,but I have a LIFE.
tl;dr:suboxone as medicine,AA for social contact.
I've been taking L-Tyrosine for awhile now and don't think it does much. Even if I take a couple of them... just haven't noticed any kind of difference with those.
I freaked out and didn't go to my therapist appointment. Not sure why. but I may be able to get a psychiatrist appointment soon.
I ended up getting high again today, which really sucks. But I'll try again tomorrow. I almost always have at least a little piece of sub on the days I don't do percs but I'm not too keen on getting put on it for years and years and years. If I could just get over the RLS I could STAY clean but I literally go absolutely insane over that shit and stress about it so hard if I don't have anything that I'll be up for days with that crap. I wish there was something that makes it go away.
I've been having a really hard time getting over my ex, like today brought up some emotions and I used.. need to get away from that. I do want to be clean and happy and I'm working hard to get to that point, even if I keep screwing up. Thanks for all the advice and support
I freaked out and didn't go to my therapist appointment. Not sure why. but I may be able to get a psychiatrist appointment soon.
I ended up getting high again today, which really sucks. But I'll try again tomorrow. I almost always have at least a little piece of sub on the days I don't do percs but I'm not too keen on getting put on it for years and years and years. If I could just get over the RLS I could STAY clean but I literally go absolutely insane over that shit and stress about it so hard if I don't have anything that I'll be up for days with that crap. I wish there was something that makes it go away.
I've been having a really hard time getting over my ex, like today brought up some emotions and I used.. need to get away from that. I do want to be clean and happy and I'm working hard to get to that point, even if I keep screwing up. Thanks for all the advice and support
You should ditch the amino acids and just eat more protein IMO, clean your diet up and you will feel better about yourself.
You're female right? A good therapist can be good.. i don't think a psychiatrist will do anything but maybe give you sub and anti depressants. You need a therapist you enjoy talking to and that challenges you to improve yourself.. if you don't have that, and find yourself skipping out on therapy, then find a new therapist.. its more vital than the doctor IMO.
You're female right? A good therapist can be good.. i don't think a psychiatrist will do anything but maybe give you sub and anti depressants. You need a therapist you enjoy talking to and that challenges you to improve yourself.. if you don't have that, and find yourself skipping out on therapy, then find a new therapist.. its more vital than the doctor IMO.
I just read this whole thread and my heart is in my mouth for you. You sound a lot like me. I'm currently going through a hard time, but I have in the past come through a monster depression, and here's what I think 'fixed' me (at least for a year or two) -
Firstly, it sounds incredibly over-simplistic, but please try to forgive yourself. Please try to be kind to yourself. I have a dog too, and I love her like she is my baby too - try to treat yourself as kindly and as lovingly as you do your dog.
The most important thing, for me, was - try to remove any and all stresses from your life. I read every anti-anxiety and anti-depression book going, I went to psychiatrists, psychologists, regular therapists, CBT, a whole bunch of other stuff too (besides being on a ton of meds, both prescribed and herbal/natural) - but nothing helped (properly anyway) until I took a year out from university and work, and truly allowed myself to do what I wanted, guilt-free. I removed every stress from my life, and just allowed myself to BE. Again, that may seem very simplistic, but it was the catalyst for my recovery, so do consider to remove whatever stress you can from your life.
Finally, as regards your break-up, I am sorry. That's really fucking hard for anyone, regardless of whether you are sick or well. I went through a tough one when I was depressed too, and there were two things that really helped me. Firstly, I had previously went to a cognitive behavioural therapist, who taught me a trick to deal with 'bad' or unpleasant emotions (anxiety for me, at the time). He told me that, when I felt a surge of anxiety come on me, to picture a big huge STOP sign (like one you would see on the street). He said to picture it however you had to, so that you could stop the emotion effectively. This didn't help me a whole lot in relation to my anxiety, but it helped with my break-up. Every time my ex came into my head (who I love intensely), I pictured a STOP sign - picturing it wasn't really enough, so I used to concentrate really hard on it, imagine myself drawing it, imagine it lit up in broadway lights....whatever it took to distract me for 30 seconds or so. When I stopped picturing it, the surge of break-up sadness would usually have passed and I could go on with my life until the next bad wave of it.
The other thing that helped was adopting a kind of loving-everyone approach. I am in no way religious, but every night, before I went to sleep, I would sort of 'pray' for my ex. I would basically say to the universe, thank you for allowing me to have this person in my life, please allow him to find peace and happiness in his life, and please help me to find the same. I found that sending out good vibes - and actively NOT sending out hate or sadness or resentment - helped me be more at peace with my loss.
Please, please hang on. I promise you this - I was intensely depressed for years, and went through terrible bouts of suicidality like you - terribly alone, lost friends, lovers, my family couldn't help, etc... I PROMISE you, it will get better. The whole problem with depression is that you think it never will get better. That's the hopelessness that comes with depression - it is categorically the worst part. But please hang in there. In 6 months, a year - maybe sooner, maybe later - I guarantee you, you will look back and think, thank god I never killed myself. I promise you. Message me if you ever want to talk, I understand what you are going through x
Firstly, it sounds incredibly over-simplistic, but please try to forgive yourself. Please try to be kind to yourself. I have a dog too, and I love her like she is my baby too - try to treat yourself as kindly and as lovingly as you do your dog.
The most important thing, for me, was - try to remove any and all stresses from your life. I read every anti-anxiety and anti-depression book going, I went to psychiatrists, psychologists, regular therapists, CBT, a whole bunch of other stuff too (besides being on a ton of meds, both prescribed and herbal/natural) - but nothing helped (properly anyway) until I took a year out from university and work, and truly allowed myself to do what I wanted, guilt-free. I removed every stress from my life, and just allowed myself to BE. Again, that may seem very simplistic, but it was the catalyst for my recovery, so do consider to remove whatever stress you can from your life.
Finally, as regards your break-up, I am sorry. That's really fucking hard for anyone, regardless of whether you are sick or well. I went through a tough one when I was depressed too, and there were two things that really helped me. Firstly, I had previously went to a cognitive behavioural therapist, who taught me a trick to deal with 'bad' or unpleasant emotions (anxiety for me, at the time). He told me that, when I felt a surge of anxiety come on me, to picture a big huge STOP sign (like one you would see on the street). He said to picture it however you had to, so that you could stop the emotion effectively. This didn't help me a whole lot in relation to my anxiety, but it helped with my break-up. Every time my ex came into my head (who I love intensely), I pictured a STOP sign - picturing it wasn't really enough, so I used to concentrate really hard on it, imagine myself drawing it, imagine it lit up in broadway lights....whatever it took to distract me for 30 seconds or so. When I stopped picturing it, the surge of break-up sadness would usually have passed and I could go on with my life until the next bad wave of it.
The other thing that helped was adopting a kind of loving-everyone approach. I am in no way religious, but every night, before I went to sleep, I would sort of 'pray' for my ex. I would basically say to the universe, thank you for allowing me to have this person in my life, please allow him to find peace and happiness in his life, and please help me to find the same. I found that sending out good vibes - and actively NOT sending out hate or sadness or resentment - helped me be more at peace with my loss.
Please, please hang on. I promise you this - I was intensely depressed for years, and went through terrible bouts of suicidality like you - terribly alone, lost friends, lovers, my family couldn't help, etc... I PROMISE you, it will get better. The whole problem with depression is that you think it never will get better. That's the hopelessness that comes with depression - it is categorically the worst part. But please hang in there. In 6 months, a year - maybe sooner, maybe later - I guarantee you, you will look back and think, thank god I never killed myself. I promise you. Message me if you ever want to talk, I understand what you are going through x
junegreenjeans
Bluelighter
Don't give up BeezKneez...
I have to get clean asap. I'm going to Vegas for my 30th birthday (12 days, woohoo on the 21st) and I dont want to be in withdrawal while I'm there. I keep switching back and forth between sub/oxy. I didn't take anything yesterday and early this morning i took about 1mg of sub to get rid of the RLS. the RLS is the only thing standing in my way of getting clean for good I just can't handle it. But I have something to look forward to and I really reallly want to stop this crap. My depression is under control it seems now I just need to figure out how to get off the sub and stay off and get over the f'n RLS. ughhhh I seriously stress myself out over it.
My last dose of sub (1mg) was Sunday at 9pm. It is now Tuesday 11am and still nothing except for 1 mg of ativan and a chunk of seroquel. I feel pretty good. Been taking lots of walks, cleaning, working on crafts just trying to stay busy. This is the longest I've gone with no opiates of any kind and I plan to keep it that way. In case shit hits the fan I have 23 .5 ativans, a couple grams of kratom and 4 5mg percocets and still about 4mg of sub.. But since I know it's there I can fight a little better mentally then being without any comfort meds at all and start feigning. Trying to stay positive :D Thanks for all of your support You all are helping me save my life
You all are helping me save my life
Your doing great.. beez.. flush the opiates as they will just prolong your struggle You will likely start to feel some stronger withdrawls about the end of the third day and then if you have the opiates you will just reset the clock. Subs take 10-13 days to detox and the first three days are usually pretty easy. taking the perks and kratom will make you feel better for a little period and then you will just be dropped back closer to where you started this journey.
You can do this beez
The medications I would explore the use of fror detox would be:
>Clonidine< DOSED EVER FOUR HOURS..
one of either
>NEURONTIN< >HERE< >HERE<
OR >Lyrica<
>A BENZO BUT JUST AT NIGHT<
>a nsaid<
>melatonin<
tylenol
You will likely start to feel some stronger withdrawls about the end of the third day and then if you have the opiates you will just reset the clock. Subs take 10-13 days to detox and the first three days are usually pretty easy. taking the perks and kratom will make you feel better for a little period and then you will just be dropped back closer to where you started this journey. You can do this beez
The medications I would explore the use of fror detox would be:
>Clonidine< DOSED EVER FOUR HOURS..
one of either
>NEURONTIN< >HERE< >HERE<
OR >Lyrica<
>A BENZO BUT JUST AT NIGHT<
>a nsaid<
>melatonin<
tylenol