Dealing with military men...

[jesstherunner]

I thought I would post this online and see if I can get any sort of advice, because military men are a totally uncharted territory for me...maybe others with experience can offer their thoughts? I am going to make this as brief as possible, but apologies if it gets a little lengthy!

About two months ago, I moved to a new city, decided to try a dating site to meet new people and ended up getting a message from A. who had also recently moved to town. We had similar interests, he seemed like a nice guy, texted for a few weeks and then we met up. First date was probably the best first date I have ever been on...conversation flowed so easily, no awkwardness, etc. etc. We continued seeing each other about 3 or 4 times a week and he was always in contact with me via text, telling me he really liked me, all that stuff.

Like I said - he is in the military so it seems that his life can get a bit crazy and unpredictable. About two weeks ago, stuff started happening that was out of his control, so he went a little MIA, which I was totally fine with because he couldn't help it. A few days after that, he sent me a text (which annoyed me, dude..at least call me) that said something along the lines of, "I think I need to be alone right now...I am so stressed about everything, I don't know if I can have a relationship right now..can we talk again in a few days?" So, gave him his space, which was fine. We finally got together again a few days ago for drinks. The entire time we were together, he was very affectionate with me, telling me he likes me more than he ever expected, apologizing for the way things have gone down, again reiterating that his life is very stressful at the moment. When he dropped me off at the end of the night, I invited him in and he said he couldn't because he's had 4am wake-ups all week and is trying to be more responsible with all this army stuff. Then, he was like, "But, I want to kiss you good night." And, proceeded to give me a very, very passionate kiss good night. He kept telling me he wanted me to know he wasn't not coming in because he didn't want to, but because he needs to be more responsible, doesn't want to get in trouble at work, all this stuff. Then, he told me he promised next Wednesday he would come spend some time at my house. He also reminded me that he was still around, wasn't leaving the city, stuff like that. I left feeling like he does care, but probably just doesn't have a lot of time for a relationship.

So, question is - should I believe this guy that his life is just really stressful at the moment and give him some space to deal with that? Am I naive to believe that he actually likes me and isn't just saying those things to play me? I am not in the army, nor have I ever known anyone in the army, so I don't really know how things are there. I assume army stress is different than general work stress, but is that me just trying to make excuses for him?

Any advice is so appreciated!!

 

[RobotRipping]

he probably is stressed but i don't see why he has to be alone to deal with it. I don't think he sounds like he is lying or anything about liking you, why else would he spend all that time with you.

If you're looking for a long term relationship then you should know that many many relationships are destroyed by the military, the distance and stress can severely strain any relationship. I grew up on a military base and almost all of my friend's parents were divorced, it was the norm.

 

[Eyes On the Roll]

Just sounds like he's really stressed out. Sometimes, you have to deal with your problems by yourself.. Some stuff that we go through in life can be so difficult and depressing, that it's best to not lay your troubles on someone else. It sounds like he's just looking out for you.

 

[T. Calderone]

My first thought: Before I finished reading your main paragraph, I thought this guy is married. Sorry to seem harsh but the man is in the military and maybe not so stressed out. "I don't know if I can be in relationship right now" Yeah right. Be careful jess

 

[Permanent Jones]

Sorry to say this, Jess, but T.Calderone is right on the money. The first thing that crossed my mind is that he's probably married. Has he ever taken you over to his place? He also might text instead of calling because he doesn't want to get caught on the phone. Even if he is on the up and up, a military marriage is as tough as it gets. I speak from experience. I rolled with the punches and made it work, but a lot of people can't as it's not an ideal situation. Just think hard about this, O.K.?

 

[jesstherunner]

Interesting thought..though not something I am worried about because I have been to his place several times. I do question if he has a girlfriend in his hometown, which would also be not cool.