dealing with a friend's suicide

[blonde_smurf]

hey all I have searched for a simliar thread but haven't found anything that really helps so apologies if I did miss a thread.

This weekend a friend and I went looking for her bf who was also a friend of mine as she hadn't recieved any texts or calls from him in a day, and he hadn't been on facebook, or contacted any friends. All highly unusual for him as he is attached to his phone.

We searched absolutely everywhere. Pubs, his work, knocked on his door, the police station, the hospital and found nothing. We figured that perhaps he was just hiding from the world which he had been known to do from time to time, so decided to just let it go for the night.

The next night having still heard nothing his bro asked his gf to break into his place to see if there was any sign of him. I went along with her again but waited in the car because I didn't really want to be part of break and enter thinking that she was just overreacting a bit. As soon as the ambulance rocked up I knew I was completly wrong.

She had broken in to find that he had killed himself. I feel completly guilty for not being there with her. But at the same time feel guilty for being glad that I don't have to deal with that visual as well. I was with her for the rest of the experience, supporting her while she dealt with the ambulance guys, and the cops. yet i still feel so guilty

But it is just starting to hit me that dealing with the cops for the next 4hrs afterwards knowing my friend was in there was pretty traumatic in itself. As I suffer from anxiety and panic disorder I experienced both of those things at the time and figured that it was a perfectly reasonable reaction to that situation. However, my anxiety has been through the roof since then. Sleeping is a massive problem, and then when I finally do sleep I have horrible nightmares.

I honestly have no idea how to deal with this situation, I do understand that what he did was completly his choice and there was nothing we could have done to help. I have attempted to see my psychologist only to find out that she is not available for the next few months and I have no idea how to deal with it now.

Any advice would be so appreciated.

 

[debaser]

I'm sorry for your friend.

Now, as far as sleeping goes, maybe you can ask for a short term prescription of an hypnotic benzodiazepine. Or go for a less addictive way to sleep, buying an OTC antihistamine drug (I don't have the names except for promethazine, which works very good but maybe isn't OTC where you live). There are a few other medications which help with sleeping without being addictive. Cheer up

 

[Georgie25]

Do you have any idea of why he did it? Did he ever mention it before to you? I ask because I found dealing with my friends suicide a lot easier to deal with knowing WHY he did it..

 

[blonde_smurf]

we actually do have a pretty fair idea of why and his reasoning at the time. I even understand that however misguided it was he was an adult who made his own decision, or something along those lines that the police officer said to us at the time. Right now the hardest part to deal with is the feeling of being at the scene for lack of a better word.

 

[spork]

I'm so sorry, death of a friend (especially a suicide) is something that is far from easy to deal with.

I think you should try to get in to see your psychologist ASAP. Ask the receptionist or whoever you talk to to be put through to your therapist's voicemail or for your therapist to call you back. If nothing else, your therapist should be able to talk to you over the phone or by e-mail about this.