blonde_smurf
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Mar 9, 2003
- Messages
- 8
hey all I have searched for a simliar thread but haven't found anything that really helps so apologies if I did miss a thread.
This weekend a friend and I went looking for her bf who was also a friend of mine as she hadn't recieved any texts or calls from him in a day, and he hadn't been on facebook, or contacted any friends. All highly unusual for him as he is attached to his phone.
We searched absolutely everywhere. Pubs, his work, knocked on his door, the police station, the hospital and found nothing. We figured that perhaps he was just hiding from the world which he had been known to do from time to time, so decided to just let it go for the night.
The next night having still heard nothing his bro asked his gf to break into his place to see if there was any sign of him. I went along with her again but waited in the car because I didn't really want to be part of break and enter thinking that she was just overreacting a bit. As soon as the ambulance rocked up I knew I was completly wrong.
She had broken in to find that he had killed himself. I feel completly guilty for not being there with her. But at the same time feel guilty for being glad that I don't have to deal with that visual as well. I was with her for the rest of the experience, supporting her while she dealt with the ambulance guys, and the cops. yet i still feel so guilty
But it is just starting to hit me that dealing with the cops for the next 4hrs afterwards knowing my friend was in there was pretty traumatic in itself. As I suffer from anxiety and panic disorder I experienced both of those things at the time and figured that it was a perfectly reasonable reaction to that situation. However, my anxiety has been through the roof since then. Sleeping is a massive problem, and then when I finally do sleep I have horrible nightmares.
I honestly have no idea how to deal with this situation, I do understand that what he did was completly his choice and there was nothing we could have done to help. I have attempted to see my psychologist only to find out that she is not available for the next few months and I have no idea how to deal with it now.
Any advice would be so appreciated.
This weekend a friend and I went looking for her bf who was also a friend of mine as she hadn't recieved any texts or calls from him in a day, and he hadn't been on facebook, or contacted any friends. All highly unusual for him as he is attached to his phone.
We searched absolutely everywhere. Pubs, his work, knocked on his door, the police station, the hospital and found nothing. We figured that perhaps he was just hiding from the world which he had been known to do from time to time, so decided to just let it go for the night.
The next night having still heard nothing his bro asked his gf to break into his place to see if there was any sign of him. I went along with her again but waited in the car because I didn't really want to be part of break and enter thinking that she was just overreacting a bit. As soon as the ambulance rocked up I knew I was completly wrong.
She had broken in to find that he had killed himself. I feel completly guilty for not being there with her. But at the same time feel guilty for being glad that I don't have to deal with that visual as well. I was with her for the rest of the experience, supporting her while she dealt with the ambulance guys, and the cops. yet i still feel so guilty
But it is just starting to hit me that dealing with the cops for the next 4hrs afterwards knowing my friend was in there was pretty traumatic in itself. As I suffer from anxiety and panic disorder I experienced both of those things at the time and figured that it was a perfectly reasonable reaction to that situation. However, my anxiety has been through the roof since then. Sleeping is a massive problem, and then when I finally do sleep I have horrible nightmares.
I honestly have no idea how to deal with this situation, I do understand that what he did was completly his choice and there was nothing we could have done to help. I have attempted to see my psychologist only to find out that she is not available for the next few months and I have no idea how to deal with it now.
Any advice would be so appreciated.