I sure know how you feel
. Getting off methadone is definitely one of the hardest things I've ever done and like you, I haven't had an easy life either. But it
is possible. I was on methadone for over 10 years.
The biggest thing that helped me was the realization that I could feel withdrawal symptoms and pain (physical or emotional) without HAVING to immediately use something to make myself feel all better, I had a choice. I could change my way of thinking about things. It's certainly not at all easy, but it is kind of simple if that makes sense. It helps to have some non-opioid "comfort" meds like the gabapentin, but I found nothing can make getting off methadone totally painless and that I had to learn to accept a level of suffering and remember that it would get better in time. I also found it helpful to make it impossible for me to get heroin (since that is the drug I craved in WD, I never really craved methadone), to have a good support system of understanding people (even just one supportive/understanding person in your life, or some strangers on the internet is better than suffering alone), and to choose to do things to help distract myself from feeling crappy instead of obsessing over the withdrawals.
If you wish to provide more details of the things you are having the hardest time with and your history with methadone (how long were you on it? what dose were you at when you stopped? have you done things to work on your mental addiction to opiates like therapy or meetings, making changes in your life, etc?) maybe we could provide more individualized support.
In the meantime, hang in there and a big congrats on making the decision to get off methadone and making it 3 days with none!
