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Heroin Day 8

3

321ro

Greenlighter
Joined
Jun 20, 2013
Messages
4
Firstly, thank you so much in advance for any information you can provide me with. I refuse to speak with anyone I know for obvious reasons.


Well, let's see. A little background info. First tried diesel in 2009? Here and there to catch a nod and relax. Started back in Jan of 2011, splitting a single bag with my bf, built my tolerence up by using daily (snorting), then experienced being sick. I got clean in August of 2011, and felt like I could not be around my bf anymore even tho we've been together since 2005. So I left, changed my surroundings, lasted a little over a month, then came back. He was still using. Then a VERY traumatic experience happened to me regarding my family & near death, so I decided I was going to use. He was more than happy to IV the drug, so I figured eff it, why not. Sorry this is getting lengthy.

Anyway, hitting up lasted for me from that very first day (the newness and high got me hooked immediately!) all the way until Feb '12. Feb 14th, I was just about ready to take my own life because I couldn't take the sick, all the longggg hours of work, and just the same ol' every day. I decided to buy a sub from a neighbor and quit using the taper method in 3 days. Well, Feb 17th I learned I was pregnant and thankfully I had discovered early enough. I knew it was going to be an uphill battle, and I was ready to fight. To stay clean, and be a healthy mom. My sobriety lasted all the way until my baby was a month old. The night the baby was born, one of our dear friends overdosed on a bad bag, and died. My go-to is heroin when shit hits the fan. I think I didn't use right away because they did give me 25 percs to go home with (c-section), and then 25 more. Not only that, but I was breast feeding. So actually, I picked up nine months to the day: the 14th. Now, I'm very fortunate to have a good support system but I messed up and had the bf move in when I was pregnant, and unfortunately, he's the runner (has all the connections) and I pay for it. Of course, after the initial use I just continued on all the way until last Friday, the 14th again, ironically.

Now, I feel okay. I left the area and am visiting family to get away from the usual, but my fear is going back and using. BF has called me, already talking about how 'good' the new batch the guy has. He was diagnosed with Hep C & I know he feels like his life is "over". I guess what I'm asking is: 1. when is this lump in my throat and nausea going to go away? 2. How can I stop wanting to do this???? (Who doesn't want to feel good?), and 3. Does anyone have experience in being clean with a partner who is using???? Also, I am in the process of moving four hrs away, but I do know that if there's a will, there's a way to use.

Oh, and one more thing: I hit up one day into a new vein and my arm burned and my hand blew up. WTF was that? It's fine now, but what did I hit??

Thanks so much for reading, and TIA~!

-321RO

PS - was using anywhere from 4-6 a day, depending on how the money was.
 
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In my experience, I have never been able to be with some in a relationship while I tryed to get clean(I was a hetoin addict and icy addict for a little over 5 years). I had to leave my ex fiance because she wouldn't stop shooting dope and there was no way I couldbe around her wwhile I was trying to get clean. I loved her to death and we were together for 7 years, but she wouldn't stop using so I had to leave, it's just the way it happens. Life sucks, but your health and sobriety and your baby is more important THAN ANYTHING ELSE. That's all the advice I can give you on that subject and I'm not gonna tell you what to do, that's your choicenot anyone eelse's

And the reason your arm burned and hand blew up is because you hit an artery. You're lucky it didn't turn into anything much worse, be careful. And remember, bright red blood that shoots in the rig and is frothy is arterial blood. Dark red blood that is nice nice dark red and kinda just flows in the rig is veinous blood. Be careful and if that ever happens again, GO TO THE ER IMMEDIATELY. People lose limbs over that shit
 
You probably hit a nerve to cause that sort of effect. Or if you were using citric acid to hit up it could be citric burn.And you're on day 8 of what has undoubtedly been a rough time? Good for you, but I think if you were an addict and the b/f still is, it's gonna cause problems and make it so much easier to relapse a way down the line.
 
If you desire keeping your head together try twelve stepping. I know it is hokey but today is my fifth or sixth day of Suboxone (it all runs together at this point) and going to meetings gives me omething to look forward to...also there are good folks there.
 
As to what happened to your arm/hand, it sounds like you just missed the shot or hit an artery. If there is every any pain when injecting, you are not in a vein or IV'ing into an artery. Pull out immediately and go somewhere else.

In my experience, relationships with people who are both addicts, especially to the same drug, never work. They always have ended in disaster for me.

This forum might help you out with trying to stay clean, etc. Sober Living
 
Thank you so much. Yeah, it happened to me in the restroom at work before my shift ended and I was so scared, I was just waiting for it to do more than just swell my hand and feel 'hot'. I decided against going to the hospital, but I should have. Also, do you think it has anything to do with the amount of water used?? I've always wondered if I was using too little, or even too much (b/t 10-15cc) water.
 
Thank you for sharing your experience. I am positive that this is not going to work. I just feel so guilty leaving someone for something that I've done too. But I guess I've gotta get over it and just worry about my daughter and hope that I haven't damaged myself too much.
 
manboychef said:
If you desire keeping your head together try twelve stepping. I know it is hokey but today is my fifth or sixth day of Suboxone (it all runs together at this point) and going to meetings gives me omething to look forward to...also there are good folks there.
Click to expand...

I have been to a meeting before even being an addict and I thought it was a great thing. Didn't even think of that!! Thank you!
 
We can do this together home girl. Surround yourself with non users...ie not ur boyfriend. It is really hard to stay clean when your DOC is right at ur fingertips...today is definitely day six. Going to a noon meeting.
 
321ro said:
Thank you so much. Yeah, it happened to me in the restroom at work before my shift ended and I was so scared, I was just waiting for it to do more than just swell my hand and feel 'hot'. I decided against going to the hospital, but I should have. Also, do you think it has anything to do with the amount of water used?? I've always wondered if I was using too little, or even too much (b/t 10-15cc) water.
Click to expand...

The amount of water doesn't have anything to do with it. Do you mean 10-15 units? One standard 1ml syringe=1cc.

Also, try not to double and triple post. Just use the edit function if you have something else to add.
 
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