8:30 AM
Woke up at 4:15 AM this morning.
I'm likin' this girl Nora that I was in detox with. She gives killer hugs. She's young (maybe 24?) and we have each other's contact info. Maybe we'll hit some meetings together when we're out. She's thin and has beautiful red hair and Irish freckles.
9:55 AM
I want to get out of here. The biggest thing keeping me here is the people. There are some real good folks here. If you want to know the name of the facility here (right outside Philly), PM me.
This is NOT a rehab. I'll post the daily schedule and you'll laugh your ass off. They are making a shit load of money but don't even hold FREE twelve step meetings.
There are about 35-45 people in our unit and we're about to have a Psycho Ed meeting. I don't know what the topic is. The last one was on Insomnia. The one before that was anger management (it was poorly facilitated).
I know it sounds like I'm bitchin' a lot. I'm just telling it as I see it. Once again, I'll just have to work harder when I get out of here.
11:00 AM
Today's group was on Anger Management again.
12:40 PM
After today I will have 8 days to go. Its almost time for group and I'm going to share that I want to leave.
2:10 PM
We had a group discussion on relapse prevention. I was in my own head but still got something out of it. I have some decent reading material about it.
I can't leave here. I have the habit of not finishing what I've started. I'm gonna finish this. I can't have people thinking I'm the same loser I've always been.
In all honesty, I want 'M' back in my life. It won't happen but if I stick this through, my chances are good that I'll find a good woman due to being healthier (mind, body and soul).
An old head disappeared for a bit. He was talking about leaving earlier. I told him that there was a bus stop right in front of the building and it only costs $3.25 for a bus ticket and transfer pass. We are located right next to a Correctional Facility so it isn't uncommon for the bus drivers to give free rides to released inmates. I told him to try that.
They found the guy and gave him an envelope of money from family. He won't be here much longer. We should place bets on when old head goes AMA (Against Medical Advice). This will open up a bed for someone who actually wants to get better.
3:30 PM
Cool deal. I was randomly selected to "evaluate" the hospital here. I mentioned everything I've been bitching about so far. I also gave positive input concerning certain staff members.
Eight more days and I can drink coffee that actually has caffeine in it. On my way home I'm hittin' Wawa and from there, Starbucks.
4:55 PM
I met with my therapist at around 4:00 PM and she gave me my Treatment Plan. The psychiatrist believes that I may have been mis-diagnosed for depression. Its difficult to say whether depression led to drug use or the depression is due to the drugs. She gave me a huge booklet on depression and asked that I pick out the symptoms that I can relate to or display.
I have 'homework' now. They want an essay describing my detailed history of chemical use/abuse.
They want an essay on the life changes I need to make to maintain sobriety.
I need to identify 5 warning signs that let me know that my mental health issues are becoming less manageable.
Lastly, they want me to identify 5 ways of dealing with mental health warning signs.
I hear that weekends here are boring so I intend to start working on the stuff tomorrow.
There is a rumor that someone stole $73 from the room next to ours. My skinhead friend and I made it clear that if we catch anyone in our room there will be a bloody mess.
I was never a skinhead but hung with the SHARPS (SkinHeads Against Racial Prejudice). I'm pretty in shape and know how to fight. In addition, people say I have a look about me that makes them reluctant to fuck with me.
I'll post a pic and let others figure out the accuracy of these statements. I think it is more in the way I carry myself.
Lights out is at midnight Friday and Saturday. I think I have one more dose of Restorill. I just hope I don't wake up at 4:00 AM again. That's been happenin' a lot.
7:15 PM
I'm pretty tired right now. We have a unit 12 Step meeting, then meds, then snacks.
I gotta stay awake so that I sleep through the night.
10:45 PM
Ok, my discharge date is Monday the 7th (Labor Day). I'm going to request being discharged early Saturday.
Weekends offer very little here. There is even more idle time than during the week. The only benefit would be for the hospital if I stayed. They would get a few thousand dollars for doing nothing to earn it. I'll play it by ear. I can leave whenever I want so I'll see what this weekend has to offer (recovery wise). If it is as unproductive as what the other patients say then I will most definitely leave Saturday morning.
Oh! Check this out. One of the old heads here spent $2,200 on new teeth before he came here. He was in the cafeteria and put his teeth on his napkin, got up to refill his coffee and when he came back, his teeth were missing. What the fuck?!?! I asked him if they had gold in them and he said that they were just standard false teeth. Us junkies are a strange breed.
Finally, before I go to bed I need to restate that they must be putting some kind of anti-erection dust in our food. I think I woke up with a semi hard-on once since I've been here. I don't need to be walkin' around with wood but it still fucks with a guy's head.
Woke up at 4:15 AM this morning.
I'm likin' this girl Nora that I was in detox with. She gives killer hugs. She's young (maybe 24?) and we have each other's contact info. Maybe we'll hit some meetings together when we're out. She's thin and has beautiful red hair and Irish freckles.
9:55 AM
I want to get out of here. The biggest thing keeping me here is the people. There are some real good folks here. If you want to know the name of the facility here (right outside Philly), PM me.
This is NOT a rehab. I'll post the daily schedule and you'll laugh your ass off. They are making a shit load of money but don't even hold FREE twelve step meetings.
There are about 35-45 people in our unit and we're about to have a Psycho Ed meeting. I don't know what the topic is. The last one was on Insomnia. The one before that was anger management (it was poorly facilitated).
I know it sounds like I'm bitchin' a lot. I'm just telling it as I see it. Once again, I'll just have to work harder when I get out of here.
11:00 AM
Today's group was on Anger Management again.
12:40 PM
After today I will have 8 days to go. Its almost time for group and I'm going to share that I want to leave.
2:10 PM
We had a group discussion on relapse prevention. I was in my own head but still got something out of it. I have some decent reading material about it.
I can't leave here. I have the habit of not finishing what I've started. I'm gonna finish this. I can't have people thinking I'm the same loser I've always been.
In all honesty, I want 'M' back in my life. It won't happen but if I stick this through, my chances are good that I'll find a good woman due to being healthier (mind, body and soul).
An old head disappeared for a bit. He was talking about leaving earlier. I told him that there was a bus stop right in front of the building and it only costs $3.25 for a bus ticket and transfer pass. We are located right next to a Correctional Facility so it isn't uncommon for the bus drivers to give free rides to released inmates. I told him to try that.
They found the guy and gave him an envelope of money from family. He won't be here much longer. We should place bets on when old head goes AMA (Against Medical Advice). This will open up a bed for someone who actually wants to get better.
3:30 PM
Cool deal. I was randomly selected to "evaluate" the hospital here. I mentioned everything I've been bitching about so far. I also gave positive input concerning certain staff members.
Eight more days and I can drink coffee that actually has caffeine in it. On my way home I'm hittin' Wawa and from there, Starbucks.
4:55 PM
I met with my therapist at around 4:00 PM and she gave me my Treatment Plan. The psychiatrist believes that I may have been mis-diagnosed for depression. Its difficult to say whether depression led to drug use or the depression is due to the drugs. She gave me a huge booklet on depression and asked that I pick out the symptoms that I can relate to or display.
I have 'homework' now. They want an essay describing my detailed history of chemical use/abuse.
They want an essay on the life changes I need to make to maintain sobriety.
I need to identify 5 warning signs that let me know that my mental health issues are becoming less manageable.
Lastly, they want me to identify 5 ways of dealing with mental health warning signs.
I hear that weekends here are boring so I intend to start working on the stuff tomorrow.
There is a rumor that someone stole $73 from the room next to ours. My skinhead friend and I made it clear that if we catch anyone in our room there will be a bloody mess.
I was never a skinhead but hung with the SHARPS (SkinHeads Against Racial Prejudice). I'm pretty in shape and know how to fight. In addition, people say I have a look about me that makes them reluctant to fuck with me.
I'll post a pic and let others figure out the accuracy of these statements. I think it is more in the way I carry myself.
Lights out is at midnight Friday and Saturday. I think I have one more dose of Restorill. I just hope I don't wake up at 4:00 AM again. That's been happenin' a lot.
7:15 PM
I'm pretty tired right now. We have a unit 12 Step meeting, then meds, then snacks.
I gotta stay awake so that I sleep through the night.
10:45 PM
Ok, my discharge date is Monday the 7th (Labor Day). I'm going to request being discharged early Saturday.
Weekends offer very little here. There is even more idle time than during the week. The only benefit would be for the hospital if I stayed. They would get a few thousand dollars for doing nothing to earn it. I'll play it by ear. I can leave whenever I want so I'll see what this weekend has to offer (recovery wise). If it is as unproductive as what the other patients say then I will most definitely leave Saturday morning.
Oh! Check this out. One of the old heads here spent $2,200 on new teeth before he came here. He was in the cafeteria and put his teeth on his napkin, got up to refill his coffee and when he came back, his teeth were missing. What the fuck?!?! I asked him if they had gold in them and he said that they were just standard false teeth. Us junkies are a strange breed.
Finally, before I go to bed I need to restate that they must be putting some kind of anti-erection dust in our food. I think I woke up with a semi hard-on once since I've been here. I don't need to be walkin' around with wood but it still fucks with a guy's head.
