11:10 AM
My new projected discharge date is September 7th.
I have a cool roommate. He's a skinhead from the penitentiary. He isn't racist. He was/is only skin for survival in the prison. We're pretty tight and have each other's backs. He's in here with his girl. I respect that they're getting clean together. When the other roommate isn't around I stand watch outside the room so he and his girl can get their affection on.
My therapist said that I'm scheduled for the 8:00 PM meeting that outsiders attend. Finally! Experience, strength and hope from people who have some good clean time. She also has me scheduled to see the psychiatrist so I can attend meetings outside the facility.
I'm noticing that I'm intentionally making myself angry. I was tempted to put my cigarette out on myself again but didn't.
The other day I gave a dude a pack of smokes. He said he'd give me $5 on the first. I hear that he's a scammer so I need to let him know that I get violent when people take advantage of my kindness. If he tries to fuck me over, he needs to realize that he's gonna have to beg or borrow to pay me back. If he doesn't than he's gonna get fuckin' hurt.
5:15 PM
I had my first full hour of volunteering in the computer lab. It was cool but people just want to make greeting cards and shit. That's cool though. Doing simple things like that alleviates some of the fears some folks have about computers. I had them laughing and it felt good.
I had my first real group therapy session today. It wasn't too bad. I told my therapist in group that I was staring at the fat veins on her feet. Veins are a trigger for me so I gotta figure something out about that.
I just realized that my discharge date is on Labor Day. No big deal. I plan on hangin' with my dog all day and maybe gettin' laid. Probably won't be gettin' laid on that Monday but sometime that week.
Time to do some push-ups.
Oh! When I got here I weighed in at 174 lbs. I had dinner at 4:45 and weighed myself at 5:45. I weigh 176 lbs. I'm 5'11" so... whatever that means.
10:10 PM
We had a unit meeting at 8:00 tonight. My therapist told me earlier that I was scheduled to go to a 12 Step meeting that outsiders come to. I was later told that I WASN'T on the list. I was disappointed and angry. It all worked out because there were a few on the list that didn't want to go so I got to go.
I also met with the psychiatrist tonight. He asked why I took myself off the Paxil. I'm done with drugs. ALL drugs. He frowned and said that the depression may come back. No shit, jackass! I gotta learn how to deal with it in a healthy, natural manner.
I MAY not suffer from depression (in the clinical sense). The drugs definitely contributed to my suicidal behaviors and thoughts. We'll see. If it gets bad, I'm currently in a safe place. If it happens when I'm not here then I'll check myself into the State Hospital.
My new projected discharge date is September 7th.
I have a cool roommate. He's a skinhead from the penitentiary. He isn't racist. He was/is only skin for survival in the prison. We're pretty tight and have each other's backs. He's in here with his girl. I respect that they're getting clean together. When the other roommate isn't around I stand watch outside the room so he and his girl can get their affection on.
My therapist said that I'm scheduled for the 8:00 PM meeting that outsiders attend. Finally! Experience, strength and hope from people who have some good clean time. She also has me scheduled to see the psychiatrist so I can attend meetings outside the facility.
I'm noticing that I'm intentionally making myself angry. I was tempted to put my cigarette out on myself again but didn't.
The other day I gave a dude a pack of smokes. He said he'd give me $5 on the first. I hear that he's a scammer so I need to let him know that I get violent when people take advantage of my kindness. If he tries to fuck me over, he needs to realize that he's gonna have to beg or borrow to pay me back. If he doesn't than he's gonna get fuckin' hurt.
5:15 PM
I had my first full hour of volunteering in the computer lab. It was cool but people just want to make greeting cards and shit. That's cool though. Doing simple things like that alleviates some of the fears some folks have about computers. I had them laughing and it felt good.
I had my first real group therapy session today. It wasn't too bad. I told my therapist in group that I was staring at the fat veins on her feet. Veins are a trigger for me so I gotta figure something out about that.
I just realized that my discharge date is on Labor Day. No big deal. I plan on hangin' with my dog all day and maybe gettin' laid. Probably won't be gettin' laid on that Monday but sometime that week.
Time to do some push-ups.
Oh! When I got here I weighed in at 174 lbs. I had dinner at 4:45 and weighed myself at 5:45. I weigh 176 lbs. I'm 5'11" so... whatever that means.
10:10 PM
We had a unit meeting at 8:00 tonight. My therapist told me earlier that I was scheduled to go to a 12 Step meeting that outsiders come to. I was later told that I WASN'T on the list. I was disappointed and angry. It all worked out because there were a few on the list that didn't want to go so I got to go.
I also met with the psychiatrist tonight. He asked why I took myself off the Paxil. I'm done with drugs. ALL drugs. He frowned and said that the depression may come back. No shit, jackass! I gotta learn how to deal with it in a healthy, natural manner.
I MAY not suffer from depression (in the clinical sense). The drugs definitely contributed to my suicidal behaviors and thoughts. We'll see. If it gets bad, I'm currently in a safe place. If it happens when I'm not here then I'll check myself into the State Hospital.
