Day 6 without opiates...ANXIOUS

[walkthisplank]

It's crazy, I always came to bluelight to read up on ways to potentiate my hydro, oxy, opana, etc...came here to learn how to make poppy seed tea...always thought of opiates as a beautiful thing. Yet this the first time I've actually made an account, and it's to ask for help.

I've been abusing opiates for around 3 years. I never thought of it as an addiction until recently...I always thought I had it under control, my tolerance never went above 50-60mg oxy. But I realized that if I didn't have them, I got soooo depressed. I went from weekly use to daily. I realize now that I'm miserable without them; opiates are the only thing that can make me truly happy anymore.

I want my life back and I want to be myself again. I stopped taking opiates 6 days ago and I have very few physical withdrawals (minor diarrhea and lower back pain) but the mental aspect is crippling. Constant anxiety from the second I wake up in the morning. I feel like the world is going to end any second and I have no idea why, but I figure it must strictly be the opiate WDs.

All I want is to relapse. I feel like I have permanent clinical anxiety because of these things. Does it get better? How can I reduce anxiety in the meantime so I don't go back to the opiates? Please help, thanks in advance.

 

[neversickanymore]

Hey Walkthisplank and welcome to posting on Blue Light Anxiety is a large cause of drug use and a major weapon of addiction. There are good ways to control anxiety, exercise, meditation, and keeping ones thoughts in the present are really strong weapons around this. After you have worked some more clean time this will likely diminish. Its kinda funny that so many of us used to avoid anxiety but in reality we created so much of this. If you look through the good things about getting of drugs thread linked below a bunch of people listed significant reductions in anxiety as one of the good things about getting off drugs. Centering ones thoughts in the present can also do wonders and a great way to do this is to use mindfulness meditation and I linked a thread on this below.

Here are some good links to brows through about addiction and if you haven't worked your way through some of this information then I would take the time as it may offer allot to you in your battle to stay clean. You can do this

Addiction Guide
The Brain and Addiction (under construction)
Why We Don’t Get Better Immediately: Post-acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS)
Post Acute Withdrawal (PAW) Excerpted From “Staying Sober” By: Terence T. Gorski
Post-acute-withdrawal syndrome Wiki
EXERCISE AND MOOD
Post Your Best Mindfulness Resources and Experiences


Keeping ones thoughts in the positive direction and identifying ones emotions are also big wepons in haveing a peaceful life and strong recovery so many of us frequent these threads in efforts to do this on a daily base.

How are you in One Word vs. A Smile is a Curve That Sets Everything Straight
Share something POSITIVE from your day!
Today I Am Thankful For... Ver. 3: Earth, Wind and Fire!


I know its alot of info but please work through what you haven't.

You can live a peaceful and really rewarding and enjoyable life with out the drugs, just need to identify how and implement the changes needed:D

Good things about being off drugs/getting sober

 

[walkthisplank]

Thank you so much for your help. I never realized there was such a large portion of this site developed to actually NOT using drugs. I'm well on my way through this material. I noticed on the whatmesober site that it said PAWS symptoms peak after around 6 months. Is that true for an opiate user?

Like I said, I never used more than 50-60mg oxy and never more than once a day, usually every other day. Will I really suffer from terrible anxiety for >6 months? A lot of people say post-quitting opiate anxiety goes away after about a month. Can anyone shed some light on this? I have crippling anxiety all day and I highly doubt I can make it through 6 months of this without pills.

Also, I exercise daily. I'm a personal trainer and never let opiates get in the way of my workouts. I always forced myself to wait until after my workout to take any pain killers. It definitely helps to get to the gym, but not having any opiates afterwards is what killed me. They almost motivated me to have a better workout because I knew they were waiting for me after.

 

[neversickanymore]

Since your use never turned into a physical dependence then I think your paws will be really easy. The anxiety may have nothing to do with this at all and may be just an underlying condition returning now that it isn't self medicated. Is anxiety one of the reasons you used? Also this may just be the weapon an addiction is choosing to use to try and get you to use again. It also is most likely a combination of these. How about a little exercise to try and burn it off?

 

[bdomihizayka]

Hey man, just using opiates once a week for quite a few months wrecked my mental health. By the end of it, I avoided physical addiction, but I was suicidally depressed and my anxiety was through the roof. I know it was the opiates I was using weekly because it was the only variable in my life equation- and when it was removed, I felt alot better in about a month.

If you decide to go back to using, realize you're going to pick up right where you left off. I was left off at a very fucking scary place I don't ever want to remember, and it sounds like you're just about there.

 

[walkthisplank]

Thanks again for your help. I don't remember ever having anxiety before I started taking opiates. When I started using, I was taking 10mg hydro for a 6-hour high. I got prescribed them for back problems. This was 3ish years ago. For the first year after that, it was very off-and-on. Maybe twice a month. But the last 2 years, I've been taking them maybe on average once a week, with it culminating this year into almost a daily habit.

My anxiety has been bad for over a year now. Opiates are the only thing that really help. But when I started taking them, it wasn't for anxiety, but for pain relief and to get high. So how do I know if the opiates started causing the anxiety or if I just developed anxiety for some other reason? I'm hoping the anxiety will go away if I stay clean for a few weeks but I'm not sure I can make it much longer like this. I feel sick to my stomach as we speak, for no apparent reason.

 

[walkthisplank]

Thanks for your reply, man...yeah I didn't even know I was bad off until recently I realized how dependent I was. I wake up every morning sick to my stomach, anxious, and am lethargic throughout the day. I hope this passes, all I want to do is go buy some pills but I know I can't do it or I'm fucked again. 6 days has felt like an eternity already.

 

[neversickanymore]

Another day and you will be past the autes.. Just a little friendly reminder and I'm not playing down your struggles now and would like to congratulate you on six days thats a great accomplishment.. but just to let you know it can get so much worse so I think you picked a great time to bail. You should start to feel allot better in a few days.

 

[walkthisplank]

Oh yeah I know it can get MUCH worse. My addiction is nothing compared to many people's. But it definitely sucks. Every sober day is a chore right now. Does anyone have a realistic timeframe on the anxiety, though? That's my biggest struggle right now and I'm sure it's different for everyone but I'm just wondering how long it might take to shake it...

 

[bdomihizayka]

Give it a solid month man.... 2 weeks will be a lot better, and in a month, you'll be golden IMO. You're not coming off of a couple g/ day dope habit or messing with benzos.... I know exactly where you are. It's a sick fucking place. Feeling like you're never going to be normal again....)))

 

[walkthisplank]

Benzos worse in your opinion? I considered trying to get a xanny script for the WD anxiety but figured that'd just be swapping drugs...anyway thanks a lot man. Yeah it's rough but knowing I probably have a timeframe makes it much better

 

[Rox]

This is what really really hurts me. When I try to quit, immediately... I can take all the constant sweating I guess, but I cannot take all the anxiety that keeps me up at night, I can't handle it. It's crazy that something natural and which feels so good makes you pay the price in such a way afterwards.

There was only one time in my life when I had such extreme anxiety - when I broke up with my soulmate. When you have that much it makes you stare at the clock and wonder how minutes can feel like hours.

 

[Maya]

Walkthisplank please start exercising, I guarantee you it will make you feel better in a month or so. It will take time but exercise does wonders to our bodies.