8:45 AM
Five days clean now. People were thanking me for sharing my story at last nights meeting. One dude said that some stuff I was saying was a trigger for him. This is the place to be if you get hit with those triggers.
It really doesn't feel like a rehab here. There isn't much therapy, the only meetings we have are in our unit with our own unit members. This just means I gotta work harder when I get out.
12:30 PM
Its fuckin' boring in here. I would never recommend this facility. Its been around for ages but they must be getting complacent. The few meetings we have are bitch sessions. I had thoughts of walking out and living on the street until my discharge date in order to give my family the appearance that I've done the full program.
I feel angry for no apparent reason. I suspect I'll never get one-on-one therapy. Group therapy is just silly here. Its all up to me it looks like. I think I can do this. I WANT to do it but I feel like I'm wasting more time of my life just like I was wasting it getting high. Soon enough I'll be out.
2:15 PM
I have an appointment with the lady that reviews applications for those who want to volunteer. I'm looking to train basic computer skills to patients here. This place is fucked so I may as well throw in and help.
No education is required to be a Clinical Assistant (CA). They only require two years clean time.
5:25 PM
I've been approved to assist/tutor in the computer lab. They had me start right away. There was only one person there and apparently they only care about playing around with PrintShop. I want to help folks with file management, MS Word, MS Excel, etc. In time perhaps.
I think they put something in the food here. I haven't had a hard-on since being here, not even 'morning wood'. It works out though, I don't need to be all horny and shit hangin' here.
These two older women like to fuck with me. We talk sex and they say they're gonna tear my ass up. Makes me feel good since I really don't consider myself attractive.
Oh! A girl I was in detox with told me a dude in her unit had dope delivered. She was strong and told him to fuck off. I offered to beat him down but she doesn't want me to get charges. She's cute and gives great hugs. I dig her but thats not why I'm here. I don't think she digs me like that but maybe I'll catch her at a meeting someday.
9:30 PM
I'm in a rehab that doesn't have real 12 Step meetings. We have meetings in our unit but nobody has much clean time. So, once a day we hold a meeting. What I was expecting (and rightfully so) was that people with some clean time under their belts would come in and share how they did it. Beggars can't be choosers but, what the fuck? All that we do is smoke, watch TV, have group sessions that talk about insomnia, anger management, etc. and be bored.
I get to kill time from 3:00 to 4:00 tutoring in the computer lab but it is RIDICULOUSLY boring and behaviorally unproductive. I wonder if I can call my case worker at the county and see if I can relocate to another rehab. I'll call tomorrow.
Tonight was the last dose of valium that I'm permitted and I'm ok with that.
I'll be out soon enough. When I get out I'll make a brief appearance at the pizza shop to say 'hey' but then I gotta roll out. Changes need to be made and the pizza shop is one of them.
I'm tired. Good night.
Five days clean now. People were thanking me for sharing my story at last nights meeting. One dude said that some stuff I was saying was a trigger for him. This is the place to be if you get hit with those triggers.
It really doesn't feel like a rehab here. There isn't much therapy, the only meetings we have are in our unit with our own unit members. This just means I gotta work harder when I get out.
12:30 PM
Its fuckin' boring in here. I would never recommend this facility. Its been around for ages but they must be getting complacent. The few meetings we have are bitch sessions. I had thoughts of walking out and living on the street until my discharge date in order to give my family the appearance that I've done the full program.
I feel angry for no apparent reason. I suspect I'll never get one-on-one therapy. Group therapy is just silly here. Its all up to me it looks like. I think I can do this. I WANT to do it but I feel like I'm wasting more time of my life just like I was wasting it getting high. Soon enough I'll be out.
2:15 PM
I have an appointment with the lady that reviews applications for those who want to volunteer. I'm looking to train basic computer skills to patients here. This place is fucked so I may as well throw in and help.
No education is required to be a Clinical Assistant (CA). They only require two years clean time.
5:25 PM
I've been approved to assist/tutor in the computer lab. They had me start right away. There was only one person there and apparently they only care about playing around with PrintShop. I want to help folks with file management, MS Word, MS Excel, etc. In time perhaps.
I think they put something in the food here. I haven't had a hard-on since being here, not even 'morning wood'. It works out though, I don't need to be all horny and shit hangin' here.
These two older women like to fuck with me. We talk sex and they say they're gonna tear my ass up. Makes me feel good since I really don't consider myself attractive.
Oh! A girl I was in detox with told me a dude in her unit had dope delivered. She was strong and told him to fuck off. I offered to beat him down but she doesn't want me to get charges. She's cute and gives great hugs. I dig her but thats not why I'm here. I don't think she digs me like that but maybe I'll catch her at a meeting someday.
9:30 PM
I'm in a rehab that doesn't have real 12 Step meetings. We have meetings in our unit but nobody has much clean time. So, once a day we hold a meeting. What I was expecting (and rightfully so) was that people with some clean time under their belts would come in and share how they did it. Beggars can't be choosers but, what the fuck? All that we do is smoke, watch TV, have group sessions that talk about insomnia, anger management, etc. and be bored.
I get to kill time from 3:00 to 4:00 tutoring in the computer lab but it is RIDICULOUSLY boring and behaviorally unproductive. I wonder if I can call my case worker at the county and see if I can relocate to another rehab. I'll call tomorrow.
Tonight was the last dose of valium that I'm permitted and I'm ok with that.
I'll be out soon enough. When I get out I'll make a brief appearance at the pizza shop to say 'hey' but then I gotta roll out. Changes need to be made and the pizza shop is one of them.
I'm tired. Good night.