• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

day 5 oxy WD

R

returntolife

Greenlighter
Joined
Apr 10, 2015
Messages
25
Just needed to say this.

It sux right now...found myself at the very lowest during this ct.
was digging through drawers everywhere just to find something, anything!

I gave up....I always know where I put my stuff. There is nothing to be found.
I know a few people who has them BUT I aint picking up anything.

Asking for prayers.....WD are hell right now...worried about my heart rate
is high, blood pressure high, feel like cr#p....hoped day 4 would have been the worst
but today is the worst so far.

Hoping tomorrow is gonna be easier.....Cheer me up and reassure me God......

gonna try a shower and some calming music....

someone said imodium tricks the endorphene receptors??? Is that true?

Pissed at myself for getting into this mess!
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Well. Not quite to day 2 but lop(immodium) has been part of my regimen and have had it pretty easy so far. If things are being that tough it is worth trying, Good Luck
 
U are almost out of the hellish part of withdrawal by day 5 u should start getting a little better every day now..i wish u the best of luck ive gone thru it and it will test your sanity..u will be a stronger person after u get thru this!!..stay strong!! %)
 
Hi guys, I AM feeling better!! Thank you....just had an awful day yesterday felt so sick....and a few times I felt like do I need to dial 911
cuz my heart was racing and was feeling very weird...then, I decided to research the Imodium....I did this before I saw your message
but thank you.....the Imodium worked fantastic! I cant believe I didnt try this before, but most places I read about it just recommended it
but not explaining why.

I feel like I am on the other side.....been feeling like cr@p for my entire abuse anyways so this is tolerable.

OMG!!! I am gonna make it LOL

Was very surprised how much my thoughts of drugs impacted me yesterday.....maybe I'll go to a couple of
meetings just to be inspired a bit.

I expect ups and downs.....Day 6......sigh......never again, NEVER!!!
 
By the way, I first bought the liquid mint Imodium.....not something I recommend.
Just bought the capsules, seems to have less inactive ingredients and feels just better to take.

I take 6 to 12 mg and it seems enough to take the edge, which is all I want.
 
LOL yeah but I only have taken 12 mg total today and I actually was busy all day....I mean I wasnt doing anything physical
but I still made some $$$.....seems like everyone is responding much more joyously to me or perhaps I am just awake and see
life much more vividly.

Today I picked up the phone and dialed the dr that gave me pain medicine, not for pain killers but my addictive
nature wanted some benzos.....right in the middle of going through the phone options on their answering service
I actually hung up.

Whats the point? I was like no way.....if I am done I am done.....I just gotta deal with the desire system that keeps wanting
to get high....so, thats the next thing I am quitting right now....its ok to not be high.

I'll substitute today with a nice food coma LOL

Hey P.o.T.u.S.....thank you for your support, it is greatly appreciate....I am gonna go do something with my life.....
Clients are pissed, I am broke, wife is utterly suspicious and I have lost friends....but, this is not the first
time I have done this, so I dont dwell on the shame, I fix it to the best I can and move on.
 
U have a great attitude and i can tell just by your posts you are doin much better..i am happy to help..its funny when we are in active addiction life seems so closed to us but when we are no longer numb are imagination comes back and life is full of endless possibity..its great u are focused in the positives rather than the negatives that helps alot..have a good day :D
 
returntolife said:
Today I picked up the phone and dialed the dr that gave me pain medicine, not for pain killers but my addictive
nature wanted some benzos.....right in the middle of going through the phone options on their answering service
I actually hung up.

Whats the point? I was like no way.....if I am done I am done.....I just gotta deal with the desire system that keeps wanting
to get high....so, thats the next thing I am quitting right now....its ok to not be high.
Click to expand...

That is a great way to put it, "the desire system". Addiction really is a well-oiled machine. But any machine can be taken apart and the parts discarded.;) Keep up the great work!
 
You guys are just awesome, thank you!

Day 7....still feeling it, but my blood pressure is normal right now and I went off the clonidine.
I am pretty hyper these last days and my wife keeps saying are you on pain killers....I know,
I trained her and time will resolve the suspicious feelings she has......

I gotta be careful and give her some space to create new good memories with me.

On day 3 and 4 she was accusing me of doing drugs because my pupils where huge LOL
I remember on my heroine days (15 years of IV) always looking in the mirror to see if
my pupils where big....and if they where, I would start feeling desperate where to get the next fix.

Second time I went off of drugs I was weaning of with Methadone at a recovery center.
My experience is, I would much rather do oxy WDs than Methadone...man that was a rough
recovery.

Anyways, thank you guys again, its really awesome to have this forum cuz I decided this time
not to tell anyone at all. As far as everyone I have told them I am cleansing and loving my body
some extra these weeks LOL I know that a few of my attentive friends probably knows something is up
I can just tell....and it doesnt matter.

I feel my freedom have returned, I am alive, focused....few more days and the physical should be
close to finishing up. WDs this time seemed to have been shorter than the Heroine and methadone
for that, I am grateful.
 
By the way I wanted to share that 6 month ago I was clinically cured from Hep C which I had for decades.....I was very blessed
to get the treatment as now it is so much harder....but at least there is now a cure.

I believe this cure have made this easier (NOT easy!) probably both in length and severity a bit.....I dont know for sure
but one of my big reasons for getting off the oxys was that I have never been clean AND Hep C free......
So I am hopeful that I will feel like a million dollars soon he he he
 
Day 8, really rough morning...lots of ups and downs.....I feel like my liver is struggling....taking some herbs and lots of water.....
had to go back on clonidine and still takes the imodium.....

sleeps ok now....still wake up before the Devil put his shoes on, but I dont mind that.

Hoping my body recovers soon....I need it :)
 
Very jealous man. Im stuck at that point of working for free because I can't take off but don't have time for withdrawsls so i work my ass off just to keep myself out of withdrawal when i should be saving and buying a new car by now.

Think im gonna bite the billet and just idfk lol shit sucks. Not gonna blow up your thread

Congrats on everything you accomplished. Being cured from hep c and working on "curing" your addiction. Keep the posts coming even if many don't redpond it'll keep you going and at 30 days you'll look back on the beginning here.

Best wishes
 
Thank you nygiants.

Hanging in there...the worst is over. Blood pressure seems to have leveled a bit.
Got rashes all over my body, and I'm exhausted and pissed off a lot these days,
unlike last I got clean I was running on the walls.

I feel like I should be celebrating and dance and I just done feel like it at all.

Its ok, I'll get through these days. My old aches and pains are now back full force so I am hoping
my body adjust soon, and start handling the inflammation by itself.

11 days..... keep on trucking Michael!!
 
returntolife said:
Thank you nygiants.

Hanging in there...the worst is over. Blood pressure seems to have leveled a bit.
Got rashes all over my body, and I'm exhausted and pissed off a lot these days,
unlike last I got clean I was running on the walls.

I feel like I should be celebrating and dance and I just done feel like it at all.

Its ok, I'll get through these days. My old aches and pains are now back full force so I am hoping
my body adjust soon, and start handling the inflammation by itself.

11 days..... keep on trucking Michael!!
Click to expand...

Awedome job man, you should be super proud, I can't wait to be where you are as im about a week behind you. You are an awesome inspiration and I know how you feel about not being happy. It's not gonna happen for a bit as we put a lot of fake happiness into our bodies and euphoria that many people have not experienced so it's gonna take some time.

Hang in
 
Hey nygiants,

I think I did it!!!!

Day 19....my body seems to have recovered, except for the pain that I got the oxys for in the first place.
Its hard, because I feel trapped between being in pain and fucking up my life on oxys.

So I have chosen to not do pain killers and now my low back is killing me, my neck is a mess and my
good old fatigue is back. I am doing a lot of exercises now to see if I can get past this crap.

Basically my soul has returned into my body and my wife is so dang excited to see me alive and full of life LOL

Today, I have been thinking nothing else but to get high and have been dreaming of benzos way more than I am
comfortable with. I really at this point just want to escape my body. Honestly I am having this growing resentment
towards my body and yet....I know this is what I did to myself not taking care of myself when working physically hard.

The pain center called in some pain killers like ibuprofen high dose and perhaps it will help.

I work at a ladys house doing some remodeling and she had all kinds of medication in the bathroom I was working in.

I am such an addict....I saw some codeine stuff but is not interested....mostly because I know they wont do a damn thing for me
and secondly, because it aint about the drugs, but about me, owning my addiction and keep walking forward.

So, you see, my deeper desires are messing with me right now a whole lot. I know nothing will satisfy me, and IF it did,
it still wouldnt change anything.....so, I remind myself how much I hate those Devil Pills and remain focused on moving forward
as good as i can.

I really hate how much I love drugs...luckily I never found a dealer in my area, and besides there is nothing going on in my little town
except meth and shit like that and there is no way in hell that is ever gonna happen.

I still have a lot of dreams about my past shooting heroine..... I gotta admit that to me, people who say oxys are like heroine has no clue....

thanks for listening if you...any of you made it this far...I guess my battle right now is psychological.....

19 days though...pretty awesome LOL
 
Hey Returntolife complete props on the staying clean,

Dude I give you so much props for holding back in that "clients" medicine cabinet. I am on day 3 (after 10 days and then a relapse) but I dont have the will power right now to say no to things like that so I give you complete praise my friend. I hope soon I will be right where you are loving life 19days clean.

Congrats, keep it up...you are definitely an inspiration to me right now
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top