Jarhead
Greenlighter
So this is my first post, so go easy. Anyway this is day 4 off Fentanyl and I feel like hammered shit. I have NO motivation, feel week, showers feel great (but just standing takes a lot). It takes all my will power to do anything. Depression isn't as bad a it has been in the past, however my emotions are flat. The best way I can describe it is I can no longer feel happy, good or content. It's almost like I have no emotions at all.
I get scripts for the fentanyl from my doc (who has over the years taken a liking to me and my wife. He has said that he thinks of me as a son). Usually he will write one month of 100 mcg patches, and then give me 4 months of scrips "undated" and tells me to write in the date myself. I've been on them for 4 years, and abuseing for about 2. He told me that one of his patients changed her MS Cotin script from 60 to 600. So now even with me he is correct about everything "date to". So now I have burned through 10 100mcg patches in about ten days. Since my next script is dated for the 11th I'm shit outta luck.
Normally I would put a full patch on my arm and then cut strips an take the sublingually (the Mylan brand, no jel) this has been my preferred ROA for years. In the past when I have WD several times the pain and restless leg, insomnia, dysforic feeling and the overwhelming feeling like "this is it I'm punching out" death, even up to 5 days opiate free! I know pain, I've taken an IED in Iraq, and have been shot, the WDs were right up there(only there was no end to it, no relief.) On more than one occasion it landed me in the ER, I told them it was a Crohn's flare, and my god send doc would admit me and order among other things 3mg dilaudid IV push every 4 hrs. They would also put on a new patch. Even with all that it would take at least 24 -36 hours of the constant dilaudid to feel straight. I guess my tolerance is kind of up there, I don't really have any to compare my habit to.
However the last 2 times of WDs I have had none of that....I seem to jump straight to PAWS. The only thing I'm doing different is I'm not whereing the patch, just gumming it or under the tounge. Anyone have a clue as to why that is?
Can anything help with the motivation/emotional flatness? I've read about serotonin and have been taking double my cymbalta, I have found that Imodium not only fixes the runs, but also seems to have restored my body's ability to regulate temp.
Sorry for the long first post but I figure the more info, the better the advice. As well as not having to explain it all over 6 posts.
I get scripts for the fentanyl from my doc (who has over the years taken a liking to me and my wife. He has said that he thinks of me as a son). Usually he will write one month of 100 mcg patches, and then give me 4 months of scrips "undated" and tells me to write in the date myself. I've been on them for 4 years, and abuseing for about 2. He told me that one of his patients changed her MS Cotin script from 60 to 600. So now even with me he is correct about everything "date to". So now I have burned through 10 100mcg patches in about ten days. Since my next script is dated for the 11th I'm shit outta luck.
Normally I would put a full patch on my arm and then cut strips an take the sublingually (the Mylan brand, no jel) this has been my preferred ROA for years. In the past when I have WD several times the pain and restless leg, insomnia, dysforic feeling and the overwhelming feeling like "this is it I'm punching out" death, even up to 5 days opiate free! I know pain, I've taken an IED in Iraq, and have been shot, the WDs were right up there(only there was no end to it, no relief.) On more than one occasion it landed me in the ER, I told them it was a Crohn's flare, and my god send doc would admit me and order among other things 3mg dilaudid IV push every 4 hrs. They would also put on a new patch. Even with all that it would take at least 24 -36 hours of the constant dilaudid to feel straight. I guess my tolerance is kind of up there, I don't really have any to compare my habit to.
However the last 2 times of WDs I have had none of that....I seem to jump straight to PAWS. The only thing I'm doing different is I'm not whereing the patch, just gumming it or under the tounge. Anyone have a clue as to why that is?
Can anything help with the motivation/emotional flatness? I've read about serotonin and have been taking double my cymbalta, I have found that Imodium not only fixes the runs, but also seems to have restored my body's ability to regulate temp.
Sorry for the long first post but I figure the more info, the better the advice. As well as not having to explain it all over 6 posts.
