newbiecodone
Bluelighter
First I want all of you bluelighters out there who will see this to please any idea any adfvice or anything just write it and post it please please I am not sure if I am just sick or I am WDing for 32 days?
I took suboxone believe it or not recreationaly went to a SUBS doc and just got a shitload of 8mgs even threw in a few packs of bromazepam and I was playing him that I dont want to take benzos because of another addiction.
He prescribed it anyway and the addict in me offcourse took a half of pack I dont remember how much mgs of bromazepam which for me was a relatively weak benzo compared to the alprazolam1mg or diazepam 10mgs tablets.
I ended up shooting up the bupe 10 mins after the half pack of bromazepam I just know this because my romantic drug induced love story girlfriend was there with me and she said I slept with the needle in my arm which was for me back than pleasurable I got the nod I got the opiod experience which I was seeking since I randomly found a pack of DHC continus 120mgs tabs (father was a doctor) so I started getting DHC through him he was an alcoholic but never agresive we were a nice upper midleclass family in a suburb flat.
To get to the fucking point excuse me for the harsh language but at this point its the minimum I am willing to do to somehow describe how motherfucking desperate I am today and I had better days since 32 days I am clean.
Just to begin with I am at last 30 days clean that was oni sunday I was promoted in a IT corporate enviroment by 2 positions up I was a functional addict and so I achieved my career goals but I still am making not as good a salary to be calm over money because the rent over here is fucking killing me and I was living the last 3 years in shared flats and I just am fed up with people most of the time I like to be alone or with a chosen friend or a woman sexual companion it does not mean I am antisocial I mingle here and there since I am getting older I will be 28 in January I am misanthropic about the civilization and population and people and the fact that I am a singular part of it makes me sick but the issue is that I took alprazolam dayli since day 7 of WDs from Bupe it helped tremendeously 3mgs in the morning and I would have no issues almost maybe a bit of diarrhorea but at this point I am used to it and no I wont take loperamide because I do not want any opiate in my system central or peripheral acting dont give a shit no naloxone no opiates nothing that binds on the MU opioid receptors.
The question is why the fuuuuck am I feeling soo fucking bad yesterday I had my last mg of alprazolam I took it in max 3mg doses at once for not more than 15 days thats really an over estimate. So I rule out benzo WDs I dont think this is a benzo WD. My feeling is that theese are the famous PAWS but like an hour before I loged in here I had my first meal after 3 days of ketamine and meth and my stomache was burning but that is caused by the stims for work which were fine since I still had alprazolam.
What bothers me is when I do not take any benzo I start having this fucking dry cough when I was like 7 days in to WD I actually coughed so much I threw up everything I ate that day I had an apetite and everything because smoked weed I guess.
I am starting to drink heavy alcohol like vodka to supress the fucking cough becuase its like I wake up in the middle of the night no sweats just wake up and start slowly coughing more and more and more until I hear my lungs creaking with every breath I smoked cigs like maybe to cumulate it for 3 years maximum 5 cigs a day at work and I was a passionate weed smoker before all this opiate nonsens.
You all know there is this Corona virus going on and I am coughing but then I take a mg of alprazolam and I am fine or get tipsy on vodka and it supreses trhe cough. I remember my father when he did not have any vodka to drink in the morning he would be dry heaving and coughing since 5 am poor basterd had to go to work like that that day because I refused to buy vodka the night before I was ashamed the tescos ladys knew me and I hated to look like a junkie not to mention alcoholic ....
So do I have the covid or does benzos or gaba protagonists alcohol benzos have a contraindication or a mellow WD effect manifesting ass heavy dry cough ???
Please help me answer this because I am after 8 year 32 days clean I am working my ass off I had to broke up with my ex and my mother threw me out from my old bedroom where I went just sometimes for a weekend because I work at the neighbouring country in EU.
All this happens once in my life when I am actually not fucked up but clean and getting cleaner every day because opiates opiods for me it was inconcievable I tried 5 times to quit and could not take it.
Now I do my time 32 fucking days and I have theese symptoms I dont want to order another alprazolam because I would be addicted very soon ....
The doctors here are basicaly amateurs I doctor shopped the shit out of a lot of docs here and the one doc that actually scolded me and wanted to send me to a psych ward for meds I played the high horse card I was so arrogant I said she has a duty and obligation to proceed as is in my logs file because she was just a subtitute doc untill my own doc was on vacation and she was an older woman and a massive pain in the ass I scolded her like she does not know what she is doing that I was specificaly told not to discontinue alprazolam from one day to another etc etc ...... so she at least let me go and not sectioned me or called the cops :D
Can you please tell me what is this cough and if I am sick or just having PAWS.
THANK YOU ALL LOVE YOU !
I took suboxone believe it or not recreationaly went to a SUBS doc and just got a shitload of 8mgs even threw in a few packs of bromazepam and I was playing him that I dont want to take benzos because of another addiction.
He prescribed it anyway and the addict in me offcourse took a half of pack I dont remember how much mgs of bromazepam which for me was a relatively weak benzo compared to the alprazolam1mg or diazepam 10mgs tablets.
I ended up shooting up the bupe 10 mins after the half pack of bromazepam I just know this because my romantic drug induced love story girlfriend was there with me and she said I slept with the needle in my arm which was for me back than pleasurable I got the nod I got the opiod experience which I was seeking since I randomly found a pack of DHC continus 120mgs tabs (father was a doctor) so I started getting DHC through him he was an alcoholic but never agresive we were a nice upper midleclass family in a suburb flat.
To get to the fucking point excuse me for the harsh language but at this point its the minimum I am willing to do to somehow describe how motherfucking desperate I am today and I had better days since 32 days I am clean.
Just to begin with I am at last 30 days clean that was oni sunday I was promoted in a IT corporate enviroment by 2 positions up I was a functional addict and so I achieved my career goals but I still am making not as good a salary to be calm over money because the rent over here is fucking killing me and I was living the last 3 years in shared flats and I just am fed up with people most of the time I like to be alone or with a chosen friend or a woman sexual companion it does not mean I am antisocial I mingle here and there since I am getting older I will be 28 in January I am misanthropic about the civilization and population and people and the fact that I am a singular part of it makes me sick but the issue is that I took alprazolam dayli since day 7 of WDs from Bupe it helped tremendeously 3mgs in the morning and I would have no issues almost maybe a bit of diarrhorea but at this point I am used to it and no I wont take loperamide because I do not want any opiate in my system central or peripheral acting dont give a shit no naloxone no opiates nothing that binds on the MU opioid receptors.
The question is why the fuuuuck am I feeling soo fucking bad yesterday I had my last mg of alprazolam I took it in max 3mg doses at once for not more than 15 days thats really an over estimate. So I rule out benzo WDs I dont think this is a benzo WD. My feeling is that theese are the famous PAWS but like an hour before I loged in here I had my first meal after 3 days of ketamine and meth and my stomache was burning but that is caused by the stims for work which were fine since I still had alprazolam.
What bothers me is when I do not take any benzo I start having this fucking dry cough when I was like 7 days in to WD I actually coughed so much I threw up everything I ate that day I had an apetite and everything because smoked weed I guess.
I am starting to drink heavy alcohol like vodka to supress the fucking cough becuase its like I wake up in the middle of the night no sweats just wake up and start slowly coughing more and more and more until I hear my lungs creaking with every breath I smoked cigs like maybe to cumulate it for 3 years maximum 5 cigs a day at work and I was a passionate weed smoker before all this opiate nonsens.
You all know there is this Corona virus going on and I am coughing but then I take a mg of alprazolam and I am fine or get tipsy on vodka and it supreses trhe cough. I remember my father when he did not have any vodka to drink in the morning he would be dry heaving and coughing since 5 am poor basterd had to go to work like that that day because I refused to buy vodka the night before I was ashamed the tescos ladys knew me and I hated to look like a junkie not to mention alcoholic ....
So do I have the covid or does benzos or gaba protagonists alcohol benzos have a contraindication or a mellow WD effect manifesting ass heavy dry cough ???
Please help me answer this because I am after 8 year 32 days clean I am working my ass off I had to broke up with my ex and my mother threw me out from my old bedroom where I went just sometimes for a weekend because I work at the neighbouring country in EU.
All this happens once in my life when I am actually not fucked up but clean and getting cleaner every day because opiates opiods for me it was inconcievable I tried 5 times to quit and could not take it.
Now I do my time 32 fucking days and I have theese symptoms I dont want to order another alprazolam because I would be addicted very soon ....
The doctors here are basicaly amateurs I doctor shopped the shit out of a lot of docs here and the one doc that actually scolded me and wanted to send me to a psych ward for meds I played the high horse card I was so arrogant I said she has a duty and obligation to proceed as is in my logs file because she was just a subtitute doc untill my own doc was on vacation and she was an older woman and a massive pain in the ass I scolded her like she does not know what she is doing that I was specificaly told not to discontinue alprazolam from one day to another etc etc ...... so she at least let me go and not sectioned me or called the cops :D
Can you please tell me what is this cough and if I am sick or just having PAWS.
THANK YOU ALL LOVE YOU !
I dont know if its this god forsaken flat and the particles in it it came with this old roll out couche which is the "bed" I vacum it regularily but I am not really the cleanest of us not since the physical symptomes went away I manage to study as home offiice asignment which is positive because i would fucking die in the office nowadays but I cant live like this Iam not fucking sick 
that would make me happy ok everybody I am going to wait and hopefully die in piece and not as I lived. Bye Bye Tommy from European Union out.
