*** copied from BL journal ***
Well, this is day 3 of not doing any coke. Trust me, if it was around it would be in my arm. I feel ok. I've been drinking and playing around with pills but NO COKE.
The thing with me is that I don't like the discomfort of being in my own skin. Its much easier to numb out and hide from myself than to see myself through clear eyes. I'm really not a bad person but I still can't stand myself.
I was thinking of volunteering at a homeless shelter, soup kitchen or needle exchange when I get back east. The time isn't right for that now. I can see through my own bullshit on this one. You see, I REALLY want to slam heroin. Where better to find the good connect than through one of the three spots I just mentioned?
After I get some clean time I'll look into volunteering. I really want to help others but I gotta take care of myself first. I just really don't think I care about myself enough to take action to help me.
I'll hit some REAL NA meetings when I get back to PA. Places that have junkies like me and not just a bunch of spoiled white folks patting themselves on the back, posturing for others with less clean time than themselves
Well, this is day 3 of not doing any coke. Trust me, if it was around it would be in my arm. I feel ok. I've been drinking and playing around with pills but NO COKE.
The thing with me is that I don't like the discomfort of being in my own skin. Its much easier to numb out and hide from myself than to see myself through clear eyes. I'm really not a bad person but I still can't stand myself.
I was thinking of volunteering at a homeless shelter, soup kitchen or needle exchange when I get back east. The time isn't right for that now. I can see through my own bullshit on this one. You see, I REALLY want to slam heroin. Where better to find the good connect than through one of the three spots I just mentioned?
After I get some clean time I'll look into volunteering. I really want to help others but I gotta take care of myself first. I just really don't think I care about myself enough to take action to help me.
I'll hit some REAL NA meetings when I get back to PA. Places that have junkies like me and not just a bunch of spoiled white folks patting themselves on the back, posturing for others with less clean time than themselves