Woke up this morning with that terrible feeling that today wasn't going to be as easy as yesterday. Of course, the farther I get away from opiates, the less false comfort I'm going to feel. I'm just losing my safety net and it pisses me off more than anything.
Bowel movements for example; they're coming on hard. The diarrhea and fatigue following is on its way. Today is my third "clean" day in a row even though I'm still tapering. Last night I only took 10 mg oxycodone after waiting about 27 hours from the last dose. I did smoke a bunch of pot yesterday evening though. So that definitely helped.
I remember last night making the remark, "Wow, this is easier than I thought it'd be." It probably will be. I was just super worried that the withdrawals would be more intense but tapering is saving my ass, even as steep a taper that I'm using. I'm being able to hold it together with only 10mg in a 24 hr window. I'd say that is a sign my tolerance hadn't soared as high as I thought. thank, well, whoever deserves the thanks for me not having to suffer so much.
I'm trying not to think much about other things, stuff that stresses me out a lot. I'm trying not to think about school, my job, money I owe, how much I spent on pills over the past half year. How I lied to everyone again, was unfairly selfish for months, did something I never wanted to...again.
Other than that, I still haven't gotten too down on myself. I really think it's because I'm not relying on anyone other than myself to clean up. Nobody's here to make me feel guilty about what I did. My mom is basically the only person I know who has an inkling about any of it.
I realized, in talking with some other people about drugs the other night, that I know a lot about prescription drugs. I know about dosage and interactions and bla bla bla...mostly b/c of bluelight. I really love this site and that's all I've got for today.
Bowel movements for example; they're coming on hard. The diarrhea and fatigue following is on its way. Today is my third "clean" day in a row even though I'm still tapering. Last night I only took 10 mg oxycodone after waiting about 27 hours from the last dose. I did smoke a bunch of pot yesterday evening though. So that definitely helped.
I remember last night making the remark, "Wow, this is easier than I thought it'd be." It probably will be. I was just super worried that the withdrawals would be more intense but tapering is saving my ass, even as steep a taper that I'm using. I'm being able to hold it together with only 10mg in a 24 hr window. I'd say that is a sign my tolerance hadn't soared as high as I thought. thank, well, whoever deserves the thanks for me not having to suffer so much.
I'm trying not to think much about other things, stuff that stresses me out a lot. I'm trying not to think about school, my job, money I owe, how much I spent on pills over the past half year. How I lied to everyone again, was unfairly selfish for months, did something I never wanted to...again.
Other than that, I still haven't gotten too down on myself. I really think it's because I'm not relying on anyone other than myself to clean up. Nobody's here to make me feel guilty about what I did. My mom is basically the only person I know who has an inkling about any of it.
I realized, in talking with some other people about drugs the other night, that I know a lot about prescription drugs. I know about dosage and interactions and bla bla bla...mostly b/c of bluelight. I really love this site and that's all I've got for today.