I'm still feeling good, its day 3 of feeling like this good. Like i havent in ..... holy crap....a decade, fuck im getting old LOL
Im smiling, im happy, im being silly again...hell playing with kids toys in zellers, trying on neglegees in zellers...haha ya not the fucked up anxiety me..... that's the goofy, weird, REAL me.
Hell I even think my BL posts are sounding less bah and more uplifting now too....
I've even gone girly a little....still a little tomboyish, probably always will be at heart but I find myself wearing dresses, make-up, buying high heeled kinky boots that I actually like and can walk in. I find myself smiling alot.
Hell I even found myself asking someone on a date. Damn, that's a first for me, actually thats a lie, I did when i was 14 and he laughed at me and said no and kept laughing as he walked away....the jerk. lol.
This time, though I was nervous, though I shouldn't have been as I trust this person with my life....with the life of my kids......
I found myself being stupidily girly and nervous and all that early 20's shit....not hittting 30's shit.
I kept smiling though, no matter what his answer would be, I knew I would keep smiling as just talking again with him was a step in the right direction.
Not sure if its wise to ask said person out on date considering our past, considering how i feel for him, and considering he is in a possible relationship with another girl.
I just sound myself smiling and typing the shit out, and then realizing....out shit.....I just asked the dude out on a date....and didnt even realize it......and laughed at myself....and my stupidity.
I found myself smiling on the bus last night and being goofy with this 2yr old lil boy who was a mouthy lil thang but cute.
We'll see how the other matter handles out. Not that its anyone's bee's wax, but hey....
if I can keep smiling, if i could get to this point....who knows what's possible out there.
Like "Dotty" from "Nemo" says..... "just keep swimming, just keep swimmin, swimmin, just keep swimming".
Well I need to "Just keep smiling, just keep smilin' smilin', just keep smiling" no matter what happens in life.
When you smile at the world, the world smiles back at you and your luck tenfolds, or so im told.
Funny thing is, being engaged twice and failed and such.... i have NEVER been on a date, how sad is that? always just relationship this and that and no dates....
Shit, I don't even know what one is or what one wears or how one acts or such...... fuck almost 30 and I'm starting to feel like Drew Barrymore from "Never Been Kissed"
but I do know reality from fiction and I know not all thingshave happy endings and knights on white horses and shit.
I would just love to know how the fuck to wear make-up and what I should wear......
Not that I have to do either, I could show up in mud stained ripped up clothes and I'd be alright on this thing.
Im just being stupid here. I dunno.
All I know is its day 3 of Smiling and feeling good.
Im smiling, im happy, im being silly again...hell playing with kids toys in zellers, trying on neglegees in zellers...haha ya not the fucked up anxiety me..... that's the goofy, weird, REAL me.
Hell I even think my BL posts are sounding less bah and more uplifting now too....
I've even gone girly a little....still a little tomboyish, probably always will be at heart but I find myself wearing dresses, make-up, buying high heeled kinky boots that I actually like and can walk in. I find myself smiling alot.
Hell I even found myself asking someone on a date. Damn, that's a first for me, actually thats a lie, I did when i was 14 and he laughed at me and said no and kept laughing as he walked away....the jerk. lol.
This time, though I was nervous, though I shouldn't have been as I trust this person with my life....with the life of my kids......
I found myself being stupidily girly and nervous and all that early 20's shit....not hittting 30's shit.
I kept smiling though, no matter what his answer would be, I knew I would keep smiling as just talking again with him was a step in the right direction.
Not sure if its wise to ask said person out on date considering our past, considering how i feel for him, and considering he is in a possible relationship with another girl.
I just sound myself smiling and typing the shit out, and then realizing....out shit.....I just asked the dude out on a date....and didnt even realize it......and laughed at myself....and my stupidity.
I found myself smiling on the bus last night and being goofy with this 2yr old lil boy who was a mouthy lil thang but cute.
We'll see how the other matter handles out. Not that its anyone's bee's wax, but hey....
if I can keep smiling, if i could get to this point....who knows what's possible out there.
Like "Dotty" from "Nemo" says..... "just keep swimming, just keep swimmin, swimmin, just keep swimming".
Well I need to "Just keep smiling, just keep smilin' smilin', just keep smiling" no matter what happens in life.
When you smile at the world, the world smiles back at you and your luck tenfolds, or so im told.
Funny thing is, being engaged twice and failed and such.... i have NEVER been on a date, how sad is that? always just relationship this and that and no dates....
Shit, I don't even know what one is or what one wears or how one acts or such...... fuck almost 30 and I'm starting to feel like Drew Barrymore from "Never Been Kissed"
but I do know reality from fiction and I know not all thingshave happy endings and knights on white horses and shit.
I would just love to know how the fuck to wear make-up and what I should wear......
Not that I have to do either, I could show up in mud stained ripped up clothes and I'd be alright on this thing.
Im just being stupid here. I dunno.
All I know is its day 3 of Smiling and feeling good.
