9:10 AM
Woke up this morning feeling good. Weird. Last night I was burning myself with cigarettes. Today I feel alright in my own skin.
Today is the first day that I'm allowed in the cafeteria. Food is edible and I ran into a home group member from when I was in NA. That was cool.
I was thinkin' some harsh shit about 'M' last night. I guess I'm just disappointed. I love(d) herbut she is lookin' for someone like her best friend's man. I'm me, not him. When the time is right, a good woman will be around when I'm supposed to have a good woman. 'M' isn't an option. She probably told her family the whole story about me. They're old school Germans who showed me love but after she tells them my deal I'll never be accepted into that wonderful family. There are plenty of good families out there and I am a good person.
4:15 PM
There's drama goin' on in here. Someone got hold of some K-pins and some folks took them. Staff is investigating the shit.
This young buck came outside where I was smokin' and said "Why you fuckin' snitchin'?!?!"
I jumped in his face and said, "You callin' me a snitch motherfucker?". I was ready to toss him through the glass window.
He says, "Nah, I say that to everyone. I'm just fuckin' around."
Dude, you ain't fuckin' around. 'Snitch' is a strong word. Spread rumors about me when I'm tryin' to get well and I'll tear your fuckin' throat out with my teeth. Dude has no idea. I keep to myself. You guys wanna get high up in here, go ahead. Leave me out of it. I just wanna get out of this detox unit and into the rehab part.
I'm worried about what I'll do if this little pussy gets in my face. This kid might be 20 or 21 years old. He's spoiled and probably never had his ass kicked. I can't get kicked outta here over stupid shit. I want to get better.
Oh! I woke up happy today! That hasn't happened in a long time.
I just took my valium and can have one more before bed in addition to the Restorill so I can zonk out and start another day. I hope they put me in the rehab unit tomorrow. I never had a physical habit so I hope the therapist sees that.
We had a group session today and there's a patient that has a service dog for her vision problem. I asked if I could pet him and she said 'Sure'. That dog licked my face until it was wet! Reminded me of my dog who loves to lick my face and bald ass head.
I miss Shaman. I can't wait to get out and start making up for all the neglect from my using. Me and him are gonna go to dog parks, many walks and play toys outside.
I hope you're doing ok my friend. Daddy will be home soon! Your belly is gonna be scratched so well when I get out.
Well, time for some push-ups. I wanna look good when I get out of here. I wanna fall in love with someone and start my life again. Apparently I have assets that women like:
1) Never been married
2) Never had kids
I'm aware that its early in this yet so my wants and needs will be changing often.
Oh! Fuck 'M'. Keep on runnin' from the difficult things. You never loved me.
6:10 PM
At dinner I asked some staff members what kind of education is required to work here. They said none. Two years clean time is required but they always accept volunteers. Options, options, options.
Right now I have to wait 5 hours to go to bed. I could go now but I rely on the valium and Restorill to keep me asleep. I can't be awake in the middle of the night and not be allowed to smoke... ...so I wait.
I trusted you with my heart. You said I could be myself and that you were safe to take chances with exposing my emotions. You called me a liar. Look at you, I cried ONCE to you and the next day you just dropped me like all those other pieces of shit you fucked. I always suspected you only cared about having someone to fuck without worrying about STD's. Why didn't you just say that in the first place? I don't just fuck. I do fuck but its something that is done with someone you love. Sorry we didn't have mutual love. Live and learn, right? Good luck with your fuck fests, coward.
Woke up this morning feeling good. Weird. Last night I was burning myself with cigarettes. Today I feel alright in my own skin.
Today is the first day that I'm allowed in the cafeteria. Food is edible and I ran into a home group member from when I was in NA. That was cool.
I was thinkin' some harsh shit about 'M' last night. I guess I'm just disappointed. I love(d) herbut she is lookin' for someone like her best friend's man. I'm me, not him. When the time is right, a good woman will be around when I'm supposed to have a good woman. 'M' isn't an option. She probably told her family the whole story about me. They're old school Germans who showed me love but after she tells them my deal I'll never be accepted into that wonderful family. There are plenty of good families out there and I am a good person.
4:15 PM
There's drama goin' on in here. Someone got hold of some K-pins and some folks took them. Staff is investigating the shit.
This young buck came outside where I was smokin' and said "Why you fuckin' snitchin'?!?!"
I jumped in his face and said, "You callin' me a snitch motherfucker?". I was ready to toss him through the glass window.
He says, "Nah, I say that to everyone. I'm just fuckin' around."
Dude, you ain't fuckin' around. 'Snitch' is a strong word. Spread rumors about me when I'm tryin' to get well and I'll tear your fuckin' throat out with my teeth. Dude has no idea. I keep to myself. You guys wanna get high up in here, go ahead. Leave me out of it. I just wanna get out of this detox unit and into the rehab part.
I'm worried about what I'll do if this little pussy gets in my face. This kid might be 20 or 21 years old. He's spoiled and probably never had his ass kicked. I can't get kicked outta here over stupid shit. I want to get better.
Oh! I woke up happy today! That hasn't happened in a long time.
I just took my valium and can have one more before bed in addition to the Restorill so I can zonk out and start another day. I hope they put me in the rehab unit tomorrow. I never had a physical habit so I hope the therapist sees that.
We had a group session today and there's a patient that has a service dog for her vision problem. I asked if I could pet him and she said 'Sure'. That dog licked my face until it was wet! Reminded me of my dog who loves to lick my face and bald ass head.
I miss Shaman. I can't wait to get out and start making up for all the neglect from my using. Me and him are gonna go to dog parks, many walks and play toys outside.
I hope you're doing ok my friend. Daddy will be home soon! Your belly is gonna be scratched so well when I get out.
Well, time for some push-ups. I wanna look good when I get out of here. I wanna fall in love with someone and start my life again. Apparently I have assets that women like:
1) Never been married
2) Never had kids
I'm aware that its early in this yet so my wants and needs will be changing often.
Oh! Fuck 'M'. Keep on runnin' from the difficult things. You never loved me.
6:10 PM
At dinner I asked some staff members what kind of education is required to work here. They said none. Two years clean time is required but they always accept volunteers. Options, options, options.
Right now I have to wait 5 hours to go to bed. I could go now but I rely on the valium and Restorill to keep me asleep. I can't be awake in the middle of the night and not be allowed to smoke... ...so I wait.
I trusted you with my heart. You said I could be myself and that you were safe to take chances with exposing my emotions. You called me a liar. Look at you, I cried ONCE to you and the next day you just dropped me like all those other pieces of shit you fucked. I always suspected you only cared about having someone to fuck without worrying about STD's. Why didn't you just say that in the first place? I don't just fuck. I do fuck but its something that is done with someone you love. Sorry we didn't have mutual love. Live and learn, right? Good luck with your fuck fests, coward.