So for anyone unaware, I made some pretty steep resolutions this year.
-No Smoking, ever
-No Alcohol until May 8th
-No Sex until May 8th
May 8th being my Birthday. I figured I'd start a blog to chronicle my efforts because my friends will undoubtedly get sick of me bitching about how shitty my life is without these things, and here at least people can ignore me.
So, let's start at the beginning, or the beginning of the end. New Year's Eve:
We had plans to catch an early dinner at the Casino. Every New Year's Eve they have all-you-can-eat Lobster and I was ready to do some damage. We got there at around 8:00 and were told we'd have to wait until 10:30 to be seated. I told them they'd have to fuck off and I was going home to order Chinese food. We spent the ride home debating on whether to go out for the night or stay in. We were only a 20 minute drive away from the second largest ball-drop in the country, but we didn't want to deal with the crowds. I didn't anyway. I always seem to get myself in trouble when I'm out on New Year's Eve.![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
So it'd be a night on the couch with Chinese and 4 bottles of Riesling, thank God. I was looking forward to a quiet night in. We ate, we got drunk, we watched TV. At one point she mentioned she had to go to the bathroom and left the room. Either I was so drunk I didn't notice how long she was gone or she just changes amazingly fast, because when I heard her walk back into the room I looked up and saw that she was wearing a black and pink corset, black knee-high stockings, and black panties. The corset had two black ribbons that went from the front above the breasts and over the shoulders to tie in a bow around the neck. The panties had pink ruffles right above the ass. She gave a mischievous grin and a wink, took a sip of her wine, and then walked into the bedroom. I sat there for a good 20 seconds gawking at the wall before my muscles got the message from my brain to move. NOW.
I walked(see:stumbled) to the bedroom and there she was, sitting on the bed with that same little sexy grin. To say I pounced on her would be an understatement. It reminded me of a Gazelle getting wtfpwned by a stalking lion in the plains of Africa on the Discovery Channel. I sunk my teeth so deep into her shoulder I'm surprised I didn't draw blood. She let out a high-pitched yelp(she loves it when I bite) but apparently wasn't ready to let me take control just yet. She pushed me off of her and pinned my arms down to the side of the bed, then SLOWLY went down on me. Fucking torture! I only lasted about 5 minutes before I couldn't take it anymore and picked her up, threw her on the bed, and ravaged the hell out her. When we were done she said "Happy New Year." I went out into the living room, smoked my last cigarette, and finished my last glass of wine.
That the last time I enjoyed my three vices in 2008.
-No Smoking, ever
-No Alcohol until May 8th
-No Sex until May 8th
May 8th being my Birthday. I figured I'd start a blog to chronicle my efforts because my friends will undoubtedly get sick of me bitching about how shitty my life is without these things, and here at least people can ignore me.
So, let's start at the beginning, or the beginning of the end. New Year's Eve:
We had plans to catch an early dinner at the Casino. Every New Year's Eve they have all-you-can-eat Lobster and I was ready to do some damage. We got there at around 8:00 and were told we'd have to wait until 10:30 to be seated. I told them they'd have to fuck off and I was going home to order Chinese food. We spent the ride home debating on whether to go out for the night or stay in. We were only a 20 minute drive away from the second largest ball-drop in the country, but we didn't want to deal with the crowds. I didn't anyway. I always seem to get myself in trouble when I'm out on New Year's Eve.
So it'd be a night on the couch with Chinese and 4 bottles of Riesling, thank God. I was looking forward to a quiet night in. We ate, we got drunk, we watched TV. At one point she mentioned she had to go to the bathroom and left the room. Either I was so drunk I didn't notice how long she was gone or she just changes amazingly fast, because when I heard her walk back into the room I looked up and saw that she was wearing a black and pink corset, black knee-high stockings, and black panties. The corset had two black ribbons that went from the front above the breasts and over the shoulders to tie in a bow around the neck. The panties had pink ruffles right above the ass. She gave a mischievous grin and a wink, took a sip of her wine, and then walked into the bedroom. I sat there for a good 20 seconds gawking at the wall before my muscles got the message from my brain to move. NOW.
I walked(see:stumbled) to the bedroom and there she was, sitting on the bed with that same little sexy grin. To say I pounced on her would be an understatement. It reminded me of a Gazelle getting wtfpwned by a stalking lion in the plains of Africa on the Discovery Channel. I sunk my teeth so deep into her shoulder I'm surprised I didn't draw blood. She let out a high-pitched yelp(she loves it when I bite) but apparently wasn't ready to let me take control just yet. She pushed me off of her and pinned my arms down to the side of the bed, then SLOWLY went down on me. Fucking torture! I only lasted about 5 minutes before I couldn't take it anymore and picked her up, threw her on the bed, and ravaged the hell out her. When we were done she said "Happy New Year." I went out into the living room, smoked my last cigarette, and finished my last glass of wine.
That the last time I enjoyed my three vices in 2008.
